I believe...

As someone who grew up in a religion that I no longer ascribe to, I often find myself checking in regarding what I believe in now.

When I was in the grips of religion, belief felt weaponized. It was something to declare confidently in prayer around family and peers. It was something to bare boldly and assuredly in testimony meetings in front of a large congregation. Yet, for me, in my own private prayers, I begged for help and understanding as I wasn’t actually sure that I believed and I so desperately wanted to.

Even after I left the church, a part of me continued to flounder and search for something solid to believe in. While that journey has been long, and full of swings from one extreme to the other, I continue to feel myself land in a more stable, spacious and realistic place regarding what my existential beliefs are.

I sat with this contemplation a couple of days ago and put pen to paper to capture what began flowing through and out of me….

I believe in this moment

I believe that if I practice being fully present, humble, compassionate and open to what is unfolding right here and right now, that I have everything that I need to relate, to connect, to grow, to be nourished by wonder, love and awe, and to continually discover and uncover the depths and simplicity of presence. 

I believe that we, as nature, are innately intelligent. And this intelligence prospers and appears as miraculous when there is a critical mass of safety signals in the external and/or internal environment. 

I believe we are intricately connected, like mycelium, and are both individuals having a unique experience AND part of a greater whole that is inseparable. 

I believe in the power and complexity of paradox, and that black and white thinking is misleading, dangerously close minded, and the source of the majority of existential suffering in the world. 

That’s what I believe for now. And I believe that it will continue to change and evolve.

I leave you with the inspiring words of Ursula Goodenough from her book The Sacred Depths of Nature

“To assign attributes to mystery is to disenchant it, to take away its luminance…

Mystery, generates wonder, and wonder generates awe.

The gasp can terrify, or the gasp can emancipate.

As I allow myself to experience, cosmic and quantum mystery, I join the saints, and the visionaries in their experience of what they called the divine, and I pulse with the spirit…

Life can be explained by its underlying chemistry, just as chemistry can be explained by its underlying physics. But the life that emerges from the underlying chemistry of biomolecules is something more than the collection of molecules. 

Emergence. Something more from nothing but. 

And so I once again revert to my covenant with Mystery, and respond to the emergence of Life not with a search for its Design or Purpose but instead with outrageous celebration that it occurred at all. I take the concept of miracle and use it not as a manifestation of divine intervention but as the astonishing property of emergence.” 

xoxox

Your thoughts create your reality....?

We are the architects of our own reality as the way we think, feel and act are curating and reinforcing a way of being, relating with and perceiving the world within and around us. How simple and empowering it is to take responsibility of our own existence with the notion that we are the author of our own story and by changing our thoughts we can change everything.

While this concept is true, it is not the whole truth, and, in fact, is quite misleading. It is vital to recognize that some (if not most) of your thoughts are not consciously chosen by you and cannot simply be ignored, pushed away, inversed and repeated incessantly, or negated out of existence. We must get curious about why there are certain thoughts that seem to intrude or take over our being, where our impulsive thoughts come from, and how we need to utilize our breath to expand the space between stimulus and reaction to get access to a conscious response.

why there are certain thoughts that seem to intrude or take over our being

To truly take responsibility as the architect of our own reality, we must first acknowledge and understand that we have been programmed through experience to survive and adapt in the environment we were born into. These programmed survival skills are based in relationship. They are the coping adaptations that we developed to get attention from our caregiver, to create a sense of safety in an otherwise imperfect and dangerous environment, to get our needs met, or to handle the potential life-threat or confusion of feeling disconnected from a parental figure. How we perceive ourselves, others and the world around us is intimately linked to what we think others think about us, and this triggers different context dependent rulesets, or neural pathway hubs, or moods/parts that we developed at a young age as a protective strategy.

95% of what you think today, you also thought yesterday. So yes we can slowly consciously choose new thoughts and repeat them until they stick, and that is an important part of this process. Yet, that still leaves a huge gap as our subconscious system is a powerhouse and anytime our nervous system detects danger signals outweighing safety signals we revert to our reptilian threat detecting system that shunts access to higher cortical processes and leaves us repeating the thoughts and actions that are familiar and impulsive.

For anyone who is familiar with the feeling of alarm or the cyclical thoughts of anxiety that seem to be unexplained by what is actually happening in the present moment, this is the result of unresolved separation and ruptures of connection from a parental figure in childhood. Such a rupture without repair feels life threatening, and what a gift it is that our psyche can adapt by curating a story to make sense of a scary moment. Without the resolution or understanding of how this impacts us for the rest of our lives, these moments in time become what blocks us from love and connection and keep us repeating the same habits and cycles that we have deemed as being detrimental to our well being.

Where our impulSive thoughts come from

In the past, when something was too fast, too soon, or too much, and subsequently was not supported, validated or resolved with the help of a parental figure, that version of who we were in that moment became “frozen in time” and stored in our body. The intent is to always remember that moment of pain and cope with it in the way that “worked”. This is the birth of our anxious thinking that tries to mediate the pain and suffering of uncomfortable bodily sensations by rattling through all possible worst case scenarios, or our self critic that demeans and reprimands yourself because recognizing our parental figure as incapable or unsafe would have been too overwhelming to comprehend. This is the birth of the inner bully, the addict, people pleaser, the impulse to push or run away, our compulsion to play small or dominate (to name a few). These are young parts within that wisely learned to cope with an overwhelming situation or environment by taking control in a way that proved to dissolve, diminish, or momentarily distract from the danger or alarm. And what these little ones need now is the loving attention, reassurance and validation from YOU, the wise compassionate adult (or Higher Self) within.

how we need to utilize our breath to expand the space between stimulus and reaction to get access to a conscious response

The path forward is to repair these internal ruptures in the moments when they come screaming to the surface. When we feel the alarm of anxiety, the familiar self-talk of a limiting belief, or the compulsive urge to act out a habit that we no longer wish to continue, we must pause to create space to feel, listen and soothe ourselves.

The first step is to recognize that these intense alterations of emotion show up in a change in your breathing pattern and an increase in your arterial C02 levels. As your C02 levels increase, your body reacts with a “do something!” signal that is felt viscerally. Depending on your C02 tolerance, this slight spike in alarm could quickly shift from fear and anxiety into panic. Hyperventilation comes quickly when the breath is fast and chest-dominant as muscles tighten preparing for action. However, another possibility if the state of alarm remains, or is already so familiar and quickly leads to hopelessness, resulting in hypoventilation and symptoms of depression and dissociation.

C02 itself is the mediator of the stress reaction. A few calm, slow breaths with gentle breath holds at the top and/or bottom of in and out is all it takes to rebalance your blood chemistry and guide your body from alarm to safety. And to resolve the triggers that are stored in the body, we must turn towards the alarm and send it the love, reassurance and validation it didn’t receive in the moment it was imprinted into your system. These are the moments that we forgot how to breathe and shifted into an automatic reaction of bearing down, holding, bracing, and controlling. We learned to control our emotions and push away from pain by diminishing our breath. Overtime, our body adapted to that along with a pattern of dysfunctional breathing which became locked into our system, maintaining balance in the imbalance.

When we can recognize that every part of our psyche is there to help us survive, with an intention of protection, we can turn towards our impulsive thoughts in a new way. Rather than living from the neck-up, trying to change thoughts at the levels of thoughts, we need to practice opening and feeling from the neck-down, where these impulsive thoughts have roots and are coming from.

Your thoughts do create your reality. With experience you will come to understand the wisdom in Stpehn Porges words (creator of Polyvagal Theory) “story follows state.” Step back and notice how your thoughts, perceptions, mood and affect changes throughout the day and how that is connected to how you are breathing and moving (or not breathing and not moving!). First pause what you are doing, thinking or saying and turn towards your body with nurturance. Engage in conscious breath holds in between slow and rhythmic breaths to get anchored with the assist of balancing your C02 (and thereby increasing your oxygen intake). And then spend a few moments just feeling and moving (or engaging in conscious stillness to notice what is moving all on its own). Feel to heal. Your body needs to feel your loving attention so that the alarms turn off and our whole brain comes back online. Only then should we get into addressing what needs our attention externally. With breathwork we we can help our body remember how to breathe as we did before we learned to try to control everything, and then our thoughts change all on their own. Change the way you breathe to change the world around you and within you.

Let's breathe together

Stress is normal and healthy, but too much of anything is no longer a good thing. Currently many of us are dealing with chronic stress and there are certain personality types that seem to be predisposed toward more stress related diseases, which have been heightened due to recent world events. If you were already someone who experienced a discrepancy between the type of stressor you are experiencing and the type or intensity of coping response you mobilize into action in your mind and body, the interconnected state of our world and the increased amount of stimulation we experience throughout the day may be pouring fuel into an already dangerous fire. 

What can chronic stress look like? 

Feeling highly anxious, quick to anger, insatiably busy, talking and moving quickly, or desperately high-achieving. Feeling like there is no time to rest or ability to slow down and enjoy the fruits of your labor. This highly sympathetically charged state is known as hyperarousal, and the discrepancy is in the fact that even when there is no danger present, the system of chronically hyper-aroused people remains hyper-vigilant, perceiving danger cues in every situation and feeling incapable to relax and recover.

Or, perhaps you relate more with those who are stuck in a hypo-arousal state, most commonly seen in people with major depression and chronic exhaustion. Perhaps feeling disconnected from life and presence, dissociated from all or parts of your body, lacking hope or motivation, or like a thick fog has taken over your brain. This is the last line of defence for your nervous system, and is where you end up after intense bouts of trauma or long bouts of hyper-arousal that remain unresolved. 

I have lived periods of my life in both of these states, and I remember the heaviness and hopelessness of my existence I felt when stuck in hypo-arousal. The discrepancy here can be described most eloquently by Robert Sapolsky in his book “The Problem with Testosterone:”

“...people with major depression, as a result of life‘s painful lessons, have learned to be helpless. When faced with stressful challenges, they give up before things have even started. They don’t attempt to cope or if they happen to stumble onto something effective they don’t recognize it for what it is.”

An integral piece of information to include here is that both hyper and hypo-aroused states are highly intelligent and adaptive as your nervous system is implementing strategies to help you survive. Although it can feel counter-intuitive initially, we must pause to acknowledge and appreciate these reactions and the system that is putting them into action. At the very least, this increases some safety signals and starts to soften our state from the threat defense system into the mammalian caregiving system. Eventually, these reactions will lessen in their severity and intensity because of the Self-Compassion practice and the space for wisdom that emerges.

Coping strategies vary

Sapolsky continues on to describe another coping strategy that highlights a discrepancy between stressor and the physiological response mobilized into action. Other than hyper-arousal and hypo-arousal, there are also those who suppress what they feel consciously, or repress what they feel unconsciously. They may be perfectionists or feel a duty-bound resolve to follow rules, or retain a structured and predictable existence at all costs to avoid disorder of any kind, or simply those who keep a tight lid on emotions in fear of what will come out and, potentially, how others will perceive them. 

Again, these reactions or “personality types” began and continued on as adaptive responses to our individual environments’ and what helped us survive. There are young parts within each one of us (i.e. inner children) that still wield these reactions out of fear of what will happen if they don’t.

Whichever coping strategy you have developed to deal with stress, an aspect that I have found vitally important to remember through the process of doing my own work in learning how to regulate my nervous system and build my resilience, is that acute stress is good for us, in fact, it is essential. Whereas, chronic stress is the precursor to an extensive list of disorders and diseases. While we need to be aware of, and consciously take action to reduce chronic stress, it is equally important to work on changing our relationship with acute stress so that we can utilize it to strengthen our body-mind systems. 

Duration, Path and Outcome

According to neuroscientist and Stanford professor Andrew Huberman, when things are uncertain (which can be all the time, especially if we have a habit of focusing on uncertainty), the brain will immediately shift to solve for the following: Duration, Path and Outcome or DPO.

Duration: How long will 'this' take?

Path: What course, direction, pace or movement patterns will it take to arrive at a desired outcome?

Outcome: What will happen at the end?

Being in a state of assessing DPOs is like having your energy constantly leaking from a faucet that won’t turn off. Now let’s pause and reflect on these past three years with this in mind. 

How long will this last? Where is the finish line? What action can I take to get out of this? What’s waiting for us at the “finish line?”

There is so much outside our control and if that is what we focus on, we are creating our own health disaster.

Now the good news ...

We do not have to continue relying on our current coping mechanisms to manage, avoid, or simply survive. There is a different way.

We have teachings, practices, skills, and tools that are available now that give us exactly what we need to change our relationship with acute stress, take responsibility for what we can control, strengthen our focus and awareness to perceive differently, and reconnect with the unshakeable inner stability that remains present regardless of the constant change and flux in life … all of which changes our inner environment so that chronic stress cannot take hold. It’s called breathwork. 

No matter what personality type you relate with most at this time, or what relationship you currently have with stress, learning breath literacy will sharpen the tools you already have and expand your sense of feeling resourced and supported when the winds of life blow with a vengeance. Using your breath as an intervention as well as a lovely hand to hold throughout your day will empower you to shut off the tap that drains you, improve your overall health and enjoy more freedom from the pull into DPO’s.

Want to practice with me?

If you are in Calgary, and interested in learning the ways in which you can relax more efficiently, amp up your energy when you need to take action, and exercise your nervous system for more health and flexibility, join me for a breathwork gathering at The Practice Calgary (330 - 5010 Richard Road SW).

When: Tuesday December 6 & Tuesday December 13, 6-730pm (come to one or both)

If you would like to attend, please email media@thepracticecalgary.com with the date you would like to attend.

A $20 deposit via etransfer to billing@thepracticecalgary.com will reserve your spot at one event.

Space is limited, and I would loooooove to have some familiar smiling faces there with me. 

Let’s breathe together.

xo

Coping Mechanisms

We all having coping mechanisms that have helped us adapt and survive our upbringing and environment. Anything from pretending to be happy even when we are sad, to pulling out that bucket of ice cream, that joint, or bottle of wine when we are overwhelmed or need to “take the edge off”, to lacing up our running shoes when we feel the buzz of anxiety and the incessant feeling to “do something.” None of these activities on their own are coping mechanisms, it all depends on the state you are in right before you impulsively take action. And, as you can imagine, or most likely can relate to, some vices are healthier than others. However, what all vices have in common is that they have helped you cope and survive situations in the past that otherwise felt unbearable.

This past week I was in a cycle of anxiety that lasted several days (and nights), and it became an opportunity for me to come face to face with all of my coping mechanisms. In the past, I vilified these habits and compulsions that I used (what felt like unsuccessfully) to avoid discomfort or soothe anxiety. Because I have healed much of what these coping mechanisms used to be called on to help me with, I had somewhat forgotten about how intense they were and how hard it is to see outside their narrow lens when in their grip. Some are very old and still in need of an update (i.e., over exercising, restrictive eating, over thinking and dwelling on “what’s wrong?”, binge-watching netflix, and pushing community away), and some I have practiced and adopted over the past decade that have changed my life for the better (i.e., breathwork, meditation, self compassion, recommitting to my basic needs, and pausing to feel before taking action). One of the hardest parts about these “old vices” is that they are tactics that kind of work, albeit only momentarily, and that’s enough to keep me coming back to them when in the grips of anxiety that doesn’t dissipate quickly.

The gift of my anxiety this week was an intimate reacquaintance with these coping mechanisms, and a renewed sense of gratitude that I only have episodes of this deep struggle rather than it being a daily ongoing occurrence. It was an opportunity to further my compassion practice by honoring and appreciating these vices for their role in helping me survive and their intention to alleviate suffering. It was a great reminder to get curious about what these coping mechanisms are trying to do for me, and recommit to other practices that help me cope, soothe and survive in a more sustainable and healthy way. Vilifying these mechanisms or trying to remove them without replacing them with something else is equivalent to vilifying a river dam for its damage to the environment and promptly rip it down, neglecting to consider that it’s also diverging water from a town nearby that will now flood with this sudden excess of water.

For example, when I notice the trend towards over-exercising and food restriction, I can honor and appreciate my body for trying to find more control and for guiding me towards the need to feel strong and powerful. While these are not inherently “bad”, too much of anything is no longer good. I can remind myself that moving slow and listening to my body also helps me feel powerful. I can feel the urge to exercise alongside deep exhaustion and choose yoga nidra instead to access the strength in my heart and soul. I can practice and choose to feed my body when it’s hungry or when I simply know I need nourishment and view this as a prayer to my body and brain that do so much for me and deserve to have the energy, pleasure and comfort that food provides.

These insights and reminders come from other ways that I have learned to cope, which is to lean into the literature that highlights our culture’s dysfunctional view of body, health and diet, and recognize that I am not alone, nor to blame, in these body dysmorphic ideas. I also recognize that reflecting and writing is a great coping mechanism for me, and finding ways to express how I am feeling to help energy move through me. Lastly, I know how important it is to have people in my life that I can be honest, real and raw with, and I ensured that this week I expressed to my community and my close friends in various ways, because we heal and grow stronger together.

My hope is that you who is reading this now, will garner some insight and wisdom in how to shift your relationship with your current coping mechanisms as well. We all need ways to cope and adapt for our protection and survival. First appreciate and honor the habits that do that for you now, the healthy and the “river dams” and then get curious about other ways to cope that will support you in slowly diverging that river elsewhere before you attempt to rip that dam down.

From my heart to yours,

xo

Marin

Yoga Nidra program for 80% off!

It is time to wake up and notice our dysregulated nervous system. And I am offering my Yoga Nidra program at 80% off for a limited time to help you do just that! Read to the end to get the promocode for this offer.

For many of us, when something happens that increases danger signals or DIMs, a cascade of changes happen to mobilize our system for action, such as, our heart rate increases, brain waves speed up, our breath shifts more to the chest as it quickens or becomes strained in an attempt to suppress some uncomfortable feelings arising, and our vision narrows, which also mirrors the narrowing in our perspective, perception of self and others, aligning with the signals of increasing danger.

On average, this triggered cascade of the fight or flight survival system happens 50-300 times per day, and for some of us, it is chronic. Reflect on these past few years and how hard your nervous system has been working to protect you!

What Happens Next?

Once a system spends a considerable amount of time "out of balance," the wise body adapts around this "new normal" and a plethora of results can manifest (i.e. fast breathing at rest, IBS, hypertension, chronic insomnia, disease/cancer, ADHD, etc.), all of which make regulation, restorative and relaxation difficult, uncomfortable and seemingly out of reach. The body-mind now resists what it truly needs because it has familiarized and created homeostasis around an imbalanced state of being.

Sometimes we need to slow down and recognize that an intervention is needed. When we stay in a dysregulated state, not only do we increase our likelihood of developing disease, we are also at the mercy of a system full of outdated programming and we fall into the trap of the illusion of separation and victimhood. Yoga Nidra is your invitation and guide to wake up and reshape your nervous system.

Why I Created This Program

I have created this online program to teach and inspire you how to rest, and to do it well. Rest is not extra, is vital, and it needs to be a priority. If you find rest to be unsettling, un-enjoyable, far from reach, or not even on your radar, then this program is for you. 

“Rest is sacred. It is vital. It is non-negotiable. No longer think of rest as a long departure from more important work. Think of it as an integrated, continuous return to your deepest work: being all the way alive. The eternal ones understand us and whisper to us now: children, in every moment, no matter what you face, you can heal yourself with rest. Rest is a life skill. When you master it, you realize it is not a departure from your life. It is the soul of your life.  A nurturing you do in the garden of each precious Breath and moment. Freedom.”

- By Jaiya John (Fragrance after rain: Mystic whispers for your tender heart)

Your program begins the day you register. 

Find out more information here: Yoga Nidra Registered Program

Use promocode/coupon: yoganidra4everyone to get this at 80% off! The Inspired Yoga and Wellness website will be shutting down on December 18, so you have until December 15 to take advantage of this content at this reduced cost. Content can be downloaded until December 18 so you can take your time to enjoy it again and again.

Here is a short-ish Yoga Nidra recording that will give you a taste of what this practice feels like.

Love, Marin

A FILTER to access your Innate Intelligence

A healthy nervous system is a flexible nervous system. What does this mean? Well, first of all, every state of the nervous system serves a purpose and is to be appreciated and included as we journey through our day and our life. We are not meant to feel open, calm and collected ALL THE TIME. However, it is also true that it is best to make decisions and take action when we are feeling our best. Ultimately, a flexible nervous system is one that moves through the full spectrum of states available and doesn’t get stuck or doesn’t remain bouncing within a narrow window of possibility.

To be human is to feel, to emote, to experience a complex mixture of desires, hopes, sorrows, and many other emotions simultaneously. And sometimes, this makes it really difficult to see through what’s here now and remember the bigger picture. At times it may feel like your vision and body has narrowed, tightened up, and can only fixate on one thought, story, injustice, pain, or moment in time. Other times we might feel distracted or discombobulated, unsure what we are really feeling and what we need, yet very clearly unable to focus or take action from a present and future-thinking stance.

While all of these, and many more, states are normal and to be appreciated, felt, and listened to, surely you would also like to have a practice to help yourself out and get back into the flexibility and flow that is your birthright. Just because we practice compassion, include and allow what is here now, does not mean that we would like to stay in what feels like suffering and is impeding our relationships.

If you are a follower of my blog or have experienced a workshop or coaching session with me, you may be familiar with the acronym I use to help slow down and dive deeper into what’s here now to garner some wisdom and access calm. This post is going to explore that a little more, and I will add in more detailed interventions to use before stepping into the practice depending on what state you find yourself in.

BRITA

BRITA is an acronym to be practiced step by step as a tool to access more safety signals and shine the light of your loving attention on your body and its sensations. I like to bring in the reminder before we begin that there is no expectation for deep insight or profound wisdom at the end of the experience. While that is a possibility, take note that this is simply a practice of interoception - feeling your internal experience. And research has shown that building our interoceptive capacity improves our emotional intelligence, increases our stress resiliency and self awareness, and decreases the chance of age related cognitive decline. So this practice has a lot of value and benefit to your overall well being and quality of life.

The cascade of reactions that happen in each moment occur quickly, and it can be hard to understand how to pause, and equally challenging to know what to do in that pause. If we are to step off the path of habitual reaction and create space for a new story, a new choice, and a new habit, we need to slow down so we can re-appraise, reframe, and restore.

Rather than simply trying to cognitively repeat new thoughts or tell yourself what you need to hear or just rely on acting your way into a new way of thinking, we can interrupt this cycle at the level of sensation to create space for a new story and the possibility for healing.

When we turn inwards and towards what we are feeling, bring awareness to sensation and notice what happens in our perceptual ideation of it - rather than simply react - we increase SIMs (safety in my system) and decrease DIMs (danger in my system). By practicing the step by step BRITA process, we have a tangible pathway to shifting our nervous system state and ultimately changing the way we see, feel, think, and act.

BRITA is a guided interoceptive practice to cultivate space to breathe around sensations and emotions by generating loving "with-ness" to calm, validate, respond and reappraise.

"The core emotional experiences of the past that have an impact on our current experience are by their nature uncomfortable. Our automatic impulse is to push them out of our awareness so that we can get on with our life. This is called suppression and is achieved through sedation and control. This is akin to a jar full of water, as your authentic self, the awareness of our authentic true present nature. And the oil in the jar is the uncomfortable emotional, physical and mental experiences. Shaking the jar endlessly in an attempt to change our experience just mixes the water and oil so we can’t see where they separate. All our endless doing and thinking results in a murky mixture. Reactivity is shaking the jar. Response is allowing the jar to come to stillness, so we can slowly scoop out the oil. Put the jar down, watch it, and allow the oil to come to the surface" - Michael Brown

Let’s walk through the steps of BRITA together, and then I will offer some examples of various states you might find yourself in that would be great times to engage in BRITA, including the slight change in breath intervention that would serve specific states.

B - Breath

R - Recognize

I - Include and Identify

T - Track It

A - Address It

B - BREATHE: Easier said than done, right? Put a pin in this step as you walk through the remaining steps. We are going to circle back to this one and I will offer some detailed interventions depending on what you are noticing in your state and breath.

R - RECOGNIZE with loving presence: Turn towards and acknowledge the state you are in or experience you are having. This creates space for relationality as you notice, name and witness what arises, rather than being blended or taken over by it. Toggle back to full attention on your breath any time you feel a narrowing or lose connection to a spacious breath. When possible or ready to do so, go deeper and meet the raw sensation beneath the emotion of protection to interrupt the cycle of limiting beliefs.

I - INCLUDE & IDENTIFY with curiosity and compassion: What sensations are readily available to be felt? Where in your body and/or mind do you notice the sensation(s)/activation? With as much descriptive detail as possible, how would you label and describe what you are feeling? How does it broadcast from your body? Does it have a shape? Is it clear, fuzzy, empty, deep or heavy? Is there an ache, a numbness, or stuck-ness? Is it dull, sharp, mild, intense, squeezing in, collapsing in, pushing out, dense, subtle or loud? Notice and then notice more.

T - TRACK IT with mindful observance and non-attachment: Be with and feel the sensations unconditionally. Witness change with calm abiding. Observe without judgement as the sensations arise, move, shift, pulse, tingle, grow, transform, open, close and travel through your body. Can you sustain curiosity, awe, wonder and love as you create space around whatever it is you are feeling? Just witness the natural flow without an agenda, without manipulating it or trying to fix it. Send your breath to any areas of your body that need support. Allow these sensations to transform back into their true nature; energy in motion.

A - ADDRESS IT with self-compassion & Discharge Excess Energy: Turn towards what you feel and hold loving space for the wisdom that surfaces when the activated part(s) within you feel safe, seen and heard. Whatever arises is doing so to protect you in whatever way has worked in the past. Remain in a state of open arms to self-soothe, embrace, allow, accept, deeply listen, while simultaneously transmuting what you feel through your heart-centered awareness and gentle reassurance with conscious communication. Check in with your basic needs (i.e. are you hungry, activated, lonely, tired?) and make an action plan once you feel calm and connected to the space beyond your struggle or "problem." Let your body shake and move, or actively get moving to support your body in releasing the surge of energy that may have built up in this activation.

Self Compassion shifts our nervous system from the reptilian threat defense system to the mammalian caregiving system. This releases oxytocin and opiates that activates the parasympathetic nervous system and lowers cortisol, calming us down. You can also try various forms of Bilateral Stimulation (physically with movement or emotionally and mentally by holding/including opposite emotions.)

"The goal of the practice is not perfection, it's to be a compassionate mess." - Kristin Neff

BREATH interventions

Let’s imagine a scenario, (perhaps you can even recall a time recently that you experienced something similar), when you felt lethargic, weighed down, collapsed, or even numb/dissociated from your body and the present moment. In order to access Box Breath, and then a calm and smooth breath to dive down to be with sensations, we first need to get some energy flowing.

Breath Technique to Upregulate before BRITA

Now, let’s imagine a scenario where you are feeling anxious, frustrated or enraged, and perhaps you can recall a time recently when you felt something like this. In these moments, we need to calm our system down a bit to create space for box breath. A friend recently described her attempts at box breath when in this activated state as feeling like the box was tiny and wouldn’t open up. So, here is a breath technique to downregulate before box breath and BRITA.

You will also find that there are times when you are feeling just slightly activated or just a little bit drowsy, but it’s not extreme. Most likely you will be able to move right into Box Breath and receive what you need to begin your journey through BRITA. The point is, it’s good to have a couple of other options and interventions so that when one doesn’t seem to work, you have another tool to pull out and try.

I hope this post offered some ideas and inspiration to feed your curiosity and your courage to slow down and move in to meet what is happening inside and beneath the surface of your experience. BRITA truly is a filter than can foster relationship saving and sustainable change. I would love to hear how it goes for you.

xox

Marin

Wound to Wisdom

How to guide from Wound to Wisdom

We all have trauma responses frozen in our body and psyche. The moments in our upbringing (and in our generational lineage) that were too much, too fast, too soon and we didn’t have the space, resources or support to process it fully or to repair what had ruptured with our whole selves present. Our body is so wise in these moments. It fragments our psyche, it numbs and dissociates from emotion and sensation, and it makes a resolution to never again be in a position of powerlessness to feel this hurt again. What a gift.

As we get older, it’s our duty to ourselves, our lineage, and humanity at large, to bring light to these shadows, to turn towards what has been separated and exiled, and to update our internal system so that we can respond with our full awareness and foster the present and future we desire rather than replaying and reacting the wounds of our past.

Easier said than done, I know. As this is something I have been practicing for some time, I know that this is a process of unravelling and updating. I playfully hear the tune and words of the Britney Spears song, “Oops I did it again” when I observe myself reacting in ways that are familiar and automated. It takes practice, compassion and patience to meet these reactions with gentleness and see the gifts of wisdom that are being presented. I hope that in sharing my latest spiral into my trauma response and how I garnered wisdom from it, will inspire you, and maybe even offer guidance, to see yourself with more space and compassion as well.

What I have been practicing…

My high level daily practice is to notice the sensations - physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually - of contraction and congestion so that I can turn towards them with spaciousness and openness. This is not to belittle or stop the contractions from happening, quite the contrary. I am in awe of these contractions and I know they are in service of my survival. I also know too much of anything is no longer a good thing, and a moment of contraction that becomes hours, days, weeks, etc., is the catalyst for dis-ease on every level of my being. And more often than not, these moments of contraction that derail me from flow and presence are also the signposts of being triggered in a trauma response.

What was I noticing…

I have been noticing these past few weeks a lack of spaciousness in the way I am showing up in engagements. A bit of rush to get things done so I can retreat back to being on my own and in that space I feel myself collapse into it rather than flow with it. In some conversations I feel myself slightly disengaged, that same sense of a part of me watching the clock and counting the minutes until I can leave, and an overall sense of lacking curiosity. Rather than asking questions to hear more or to truly get to know someone, I am keeping at surface level and feeling congestion as if there is not space for me to take in someone else’s energy fully. Sure I can push down these parts that creating rush and a desire to disconnect, and I can put the hat on of a curious person and an engaged conversationalist, yet this is exhausting to keep up. There are few things in life that feel as nourishing and pleasurable than the authentic and genuine engagement and curiosity that comes from an inner system that is in resonance.

I have also felt and noticed that in the past few weeks I had suddenly created a lot of new beginnings with relationships, projects and plans. What started as a few new projects and some excitement, quickly turned into a drive for “more” as I reached out to more people for connection or support, and spun the few projects I had on my plate into another offering. A part of me wants to be able to sustain a “full schedule” and prove my worth and skill. A part of me feels proud of what I offer and my power in supporting others, and wants to do more. These intentions are beautiful and come from a good place. And I know from past experience, and from this current experience, that being led by these parts takes me into further contraction, anxiety and shutdown. This is a pattern I am very familiar with.

Where’s the trauma response in this…

The initial surge of action and commitments in my schedule touched a part of me that fears getting overwhelmed and overloaded. My automated protection mechanism that fires up when I feel the fear of overwhelm leads me to deny and avoid what I am feeling and take control by doing more. The gift in this is that what starts as a denial and pushing away of the overwhelm quickly leads to an undeniable feeling and situation of too much, at which point, I have no choice but to cancel, bail, and clear space to settle and restore.

What to do with this pattern…

With awareness comes great power. When I find myself vacating my body, craving space to collapse into, and living in the meandering and ruminating of the mind, I have pushed myself too hard and I have overridden signals that have been whispering and nudging for me to create space to slow down and listen.

When I find myself feeling more contraction and congestion that increases rather than subsides, I know I am getting wrapped up and taken over by a trauma response. Reaction is the past. Response is presence and future. In reactive moments we can get to know our trauma landscape and learn about ourselves as we uncover our shadows.

Reactivity is a trigger that leads to a disconnection from what’s happening and an automation takes over (either hyperarousal of activation/anxiety and/or hypoarousal of dissociation/shutdown) from our unintegrated past before we can fully experiencing what is. Responsiveness is the ability to feel the experience with space and awareness, patiently and willingly feeling what’s moving until the surge softens, and then choose relationality while remaining in the window of presence.

This is literally the practice…pause and feel the sensations of your reactive state and all of the ideas of action, retaliation, problem solving, the familiar stories and rumination, and soothe yourself into a state of calm connection. Only take action or speak out loud after that first step. This is how we stop the replaying of patterns and reactive loops in our physical world and relationships, and, instead, respond from your heart and the wisdom that’s been unearthed to co-create the present and future we desire for ourselves and others.

What is my real life learning and application from this latest insight…

I had launched my four part online Breath Literacy program from this state of a trauma response. It was beginning to feel contracted and heavy, and I realized I had created and promoted before being in any kind of co-creation with those who might be interested in such an offering. I had to sit with my reactive impulse to cancel it and feel into what was actually going on and the gem of wisdom that was waiting to be uncovered.

I don’t want to create and promote programs to individuals or to offer what hasn’t been asked for. I want to deliver and facilitate to groups and individuals who have asked for support and have played a role in creating what they desire. The initial surge of excitement for this project came from another project that is grounded in my core values of co-creation, community and compassion, and I realize now that this new program came from a desire for more and a denial of what I was feeling, rather than sinking in and being with what is here now.

So, now what?

The online Breath Literacy program is being removed from my calendar as a forced project that requires effort and energy to promote and gain attention, and is back in the “shop” for some shape-shifting. It is wonderful content that is full of important, inspiring and pleasurable information and practices. It just needs time to be conversed, co-created and transformed into an offering that lands in the hearts of others who are seeking this as much as I desire birthing it. For now, if you are interested in learning more about breath literacy and how befriending your nervous system gifts you insights to garner wounds to wisdom, send me a message. Perhaps I’ll curate a list of those who are interested and we can co-create a program in the near future that serves your curiosity and desire.

With love, and a more spacious mind and heart, bye for now.

xox

Marin

Practice Breath Literacy

A few night’s ago, I was laying in bed trying to relax into sleep. My thoughts were slowly meandering through the events of the day, and I found myself startled as I recalled a moment while commuting home at dusk on my bike. I had a close call with a car that didn’t see me. I noticed that this memory had a loud presence in my mind and my body began to experience more tension. Tension that had already been there was starting to feel worse and I began labelling it as not good. Suddenly I was thinking about all of the ways that close-call could have ended poorly. My thoughts then quickly shifted into replaying a memory from three years ago when I stood on my 18th floor apartment balcony watching a chaotic and bloody scene on the road after a cyclist was killed by a driver.

I tried to think about something else, anything else, but I kept getting pulled back into that memory and my body felt tight and uncomfortable. Now I was imagining how that cyclist could have been me or someone I know and love. As I came to the realization that my system was activated and I couldn’t steer my thoughts else where, I turned towards my breath instead.

It was tight, shallow, and didn’t have much of a rhythm or space to move. I brought my hands to my belly and heart and focused more and more on my bodily sensations as I encouraged my inhale to be slow, low, soft, yet full, a gentle pause with full lungs, and a long exhale with an audible sigh. With two breaths I already felt a shift happening. My body began to soften, my breath began moving with more ease, and the grip of my attention completely released from where it had been previously stuck. I began to melt into sleep with a smile on my face.

Breath Literacy

Your nervous system is the master controller of your body and mind, and your breath is the gateway to unlocking its power and potential. The pace, quality, perspective and narrative in our mind is a byproduct of the nervous system state we are in. This gives us tremendous possibility and power as we turn inwards to befriend our nervous system. Imagine for a moment that your life experience is akin to adventuring down a wild and wondrous river. When you have an intimate relationship and understanding of your breath, you have the ores, the awareness, and the skills to navigate swiftly through the river of life. Breath literacy leads to the ability to stay centered, to meet the rapids and come back to calm as soon as you’re through, to enjoy the lazy river moments with ease and bliss, to amp up your speed at will, and to surrender to the journey with pleasure.

As we turn the lights on in our inner system, we can observe and appreciate the ways our breath rhythm may have adapted over time to keep our body in balance even during the tumultuous waves of this journey. This wise system requires the occasional intervention as we can get locked in patterns that in the long term are actually detrimental.

If this sparks curiosity and desire to learn more, reach out. I would love to connect.

xo

*Cover photo by Studio Lumen

Relation-shapeshift

"Healing is about taking the time to notice what gets in the way of feeling connected to your life, your community, and your sense of possibility. Healing, at its core, is about slowing down so that we can better listen to ourselves and each other." - Susan Raffo

How to become a relationship-shapeshifter

In a day and age when we are more connected than ever, why is it that the same tools that are in service of connection tend to also be the culprits in our sense of aloneness, delusion and separation? Are the tools to blame? Are we victims of the programming of the matrix? What choices do we have other than engage and follow the rules or completely disengage?

I have been grappling with my relationship with social media for many years. At the beginning of the summer, the noise was too loud, I was overstimulated and in a state of self-blame. I needed to step away to gain clarity in what I truly needed and wanted. I have come to call this phase of my learning as the “trial separation.”

Step #1: Trial Separation

I needed space to see and feel what it was like without the constant stimuli of social media. What did I miss about it? What was I happy to be without? When and how did it pop into my mind even though I wasn’t engaging with it? What did I feel and believe about it as time passed?

After several months, I started to realize that running away, blaming, vilifying, or avoiding are not the routes I want to consciously choose. As I sat with this possibility, I heard the words arise: “It’s not you, it’s not me, it’s both, and the space between.” I began to think about my relationship with social media as needing a conscious uncoupling. This concept was first depicted from the book by Katherine Woodward Thomas titled, Conscious Uncoupling: The 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After. True to its name, this form of uncoupling is one that slows the process down to dive deep into the triggers, limited beliefs, and subsequent habits of protection that get in the way of a healthy relationship. This imbues the experience of separation with growth and wisdom, each person walking away with the skills and deeper knowing that sets them up to ensure they don’t continue these same patterns in any other or new relationship. 

As I contemplated what this could mean for me and social media, I became excited by the possibility of what I could learn and how that would lead to more awareness and self-understanding. Potentially, I could re-engage in a new way that abides by my boundaries and rules rather than that of the brilliant programming that curates these platforms as tools of addiction, comparison and competition, and a see-saw of hyperarousal and hypoarousal.

I sat down with a friend who had expressed similar struggles in this realm, and we walked through these steps together. She is currently working on a blog post to explore her leanings and inspiration from this project and I will link it here as soon as it is live. I have included a few examples (from a long list we wrote down on a large post-it note) of what we uncovered, reclaimed and created, which you will find at the end of each step. I would be happy to share if you are interested.

Step #2: Name it to Tame It

Just like a romantic couple taking a break from their relationship, sometimes a bit of space away is what is needed to quiet the noise and learn what impact the relationship is truly having. In order to create change and transformation, there must be the willingness to sift through and feel the emotions and stories that arise and are wrapped up or blended in the relationship. This is both the pleasurable and the painful to allow everything to flow through you: the beautiful and the stuff that might be hard to admit, hard to look at, and hard to sit with. Invite and include it all to come to the surface.

Examples:

“It’s noisy”

“It’s an energy black hole that requires way more effort than what it returns”

“It’s art”

“It’s a hurtful place, a place where I blend in”

“I feel foolish for participating”

“I feel overwhelmed and emotionally numb”

Step #3: Why it’s not working

Time to get real. Reflect and write down the toxic patterns that are alive and well in this relationship – that perpetuate the cycle you want to release. No need to blame or express shame. It is so human to develop coping strategies to avoid discomfort, or habits of thought and action that may soothe you momentarily yet create pain and struggle long-term. We are on the path to freedom here, so be honest and let yourself see and write down what is not working.

Examples:

“It leads me to feel, or I reach for it when I already feel emotionally numb.”

“There is a false hope I fall into that has me put less effort into other ways to connect…’If you post it they will come’”

“I consistently get pulled out of presence to think about what to post”

“Apathy towards my own contribution”

Step #4: See the Bigger Picture

We all have reasons for our unconscious patterns and behaviors. At this point, it is time to soften, get curious, and express understanding and compassion towards yourself. Even though your actions may be producing an effect you do not desire, I guarantee that your intention comes from a pure and subconscious place of protection, belonging, care, fear, wanting others to feel good, wanting to feel good, seen, heard or loved yourself. Take your time to validate your efforts as they come from a very normal and relatable desire. This is a great time to also write out a few sentences declaring and affirming what it is you truly desire. When you know what it is that you truly want and need, your efforts can more easily align and your results will get closer and closer to what will nourish and satiate you.

Examples:

“I care so much about my business”

“I believe that what I have to share it of value”

“I want high quality, sustainable, healthy relationships”

“We are bombarded with messages to simplify, automate, follow a template for ‘success’, and attract more, and what I really want is depth, to lead by example in the art of slowing down and revering quality over quantity, to operate with inclusion, and have energy and space to connect.”

Step #5: Relation-shapeshift

This relationship is ready to be reformed, reimagined, and re-engaged with. Set your new healthy boundaries to support the upkeep of new habits. You are not the victim, you are the magician that gets to co-create from a conscious, authentic, and heart-led state. Guided by what you desire, set the parameters, the container, the check-ins or accountability needed, and watch as you re-create your reality. The matrix has little power over people who no longer victimize nor vilify, instead, take responsibility, learn and grow through the initiation of meeting the program and what it triggers in you, and then step back in as the shapeshifter.

Examples:

“I will unfollow accounts that I have little to no engagement with, and curate what I see to be actually what gives me joy and keeps me connected to the people and communities that I have the space, energy and capacity to connect with”

“My passion, joy, and love for what I post outweighs all other metrics and measurements”

“I will prioritize my in person relationships and present moment experience”

“I will only post snippets of something that has much more depth, in a lived experience with others, in a blog, article, or resource of some kind”

“Before I open the app, I will pause, be still or move as I breathe and feel what is alive in me for at least 30 seconds. And I will log out of the app every time I close it”

I would love to hear your thoughts on this blog. Perhaps you want to join me in the relation-shapeshift with social media, or something else entirely. This is a conversation I would be happy to engage in on my social media, email, or maybe on the street when we see each other. I look forward to connecting with you.

Resonance

The most profound things in life tend to have the non-dualistic qualities of simplicity and complexity weaved together. The importance and power of resonance is one of those profound things.

This week I was on a zoom call called the Moon Group. Hosted by Mukara of Matrixworks, this bi-weekly gathering is curated to experience the group as a living organism as we explore and practice topics related to nervous system regulation and heart-led connection. This week’s theme: resonance. My experience on this call left me reflecting on my relationship with this concept throughout the summer, and I found myself compelled to capture some key insights.

What is Resonance?

Resonance refers to the phenomenon of two vibrating objects coming into harmony and then amplifying as one. Think of two different sounds vibrating through space, that when in harmony, converge to create a louder or fuller sound in unity. The beauty here is that neither individual sound is lost, in fact, both are needed wholly for the emergence of the resonance and amplification.

In the therapeutic and relational realm, resonance is a field of safety and connection that is conjured when we turn towards ourselves to hold space and when we attune with another person. Attunement requires the qualities of slowing down and listening with all of one’s senses. To attune, there is a pre-requisite of a regulated nervous system, as without such, we are blocked from connection. When attuned and in resonance, the field of safety expands and contracts with an aliveness, just like the breath.

My Journey with Resonance

At the beginning of this past summer I was noticing an edginess in my nervous system. I was quick to react, viewing myself and the world through an anxious and bewildered lens, and finding myself stuck in my protective mechanisms on a daily basis. I was displaying all of the common signs of a nervous system that was in hypervigilance and landing in the occasional shutdown of hypoarousal. I leaned into this and took it as an opportunity to meet these parts of me with more compassion and space to listen. I set the intention to slow down for the summer, to clear space wherever was possible, and “stand still” until I rooted back into the earth, into presence, and could make decisions and take action from a regulated and grounded state.

I stepped away from social media, I cleared my schedule, I concluded programs I was offering at the time and I restrained myself from creating or offering anything new.

In this space over the summer, I felt my nervous system unravel and surface exhausted, frazzled, ashamed, and impatient parts of me that needed my loving attention. As I held loving space for what was arising, I also found deeper and deeper solace and restoration. I felt my nervous system flexibility come back and I could notice more nuance and detail in sensations. I sat with impulses and desires and emotions with more patience and ease than ever before.

On the other end of that “retreat”, I have a clear sense of direction and a truer connection with myself, who I am now at this phase of my life.

Insights on Resonance

I have learned and experienced the importance in maintaining a sense of resonance throughout my day and in all that I do. This has me re-looking at my relationship with social media and how I can change the way I use it so that it resonates with who I am rather than overwhelms or over-stimulates me with noise and the subsequent emotional reactions of my protector parts.

I have come to a place of revering resonance with a sense of awe while also remembering that resonance with myself and others is a birthright. There is actually nothing extraordinary to resonance when this is remembered. We all are deserving and in need of resonance for survival.

My reverence and admiration of resonance leads me to taking on the task of being the consistent regulated nervous system in all the spaces I enter, because it requires at least one regulated nervous system to create the field that others are invited into. This also increased my compassion and empathy for those around me who act out in ways that could easily be labeled with disdain and anger, as there are many people who were brought into this world, and continue to live within, an environment that lacked a regulated nervous system to attune to.

I have also learned an imperative difference between true healing resonance and that of being lost or taken over by someone else’s energy. Resonance is a form of integration. It is an adding and an expansion as an emergence, not a blending, a pouring in or a taking on of anyone else’s energy. This is clear when you begin with creating resonance with yourself, and then turn towards another to resonate with them, and then include yourself as you resonate with self and the other. As Daniel Siegal says “Integration is a fruit salad, not a smoothie.”

As I first began my study and experiencing of resonance, I landed on the phrase “drop your shield, and step into the field.” Resonance is the field. The field is the space where appreciation, gratitude, compassion and love flow freely and create a shared experience of safety, presence and healing. This is the resonant field. This is where we co-regulate, heal, unravel, commune, and create a new way of engaging with ourselves and the world.

As I begin to step back into creating and engaging in a more expansive way, I am doing so with the intention of moving slowly so that I can honor resonance in every breath, word and action. If you would like to follow along and join in when the time is right for you, join my newsletter or simply reach out to say hi.

Thanks for taking the time to read and feel my words.

xoxo

Why Breath Literacy?

A problem in our modern culture has arisen as a surprising symptom of what is also one of our greatest feats; scientific and technological innovation. In some ways the convenience and comfort of consumerism has significantly improved quality of life and increased access to knowledge, wisdom and medicine that would otherwise be out of reach, yet in other ways it has contributed to our demise. As I like to say, "too much of anything is no longer a good thing."

In our collective thirst for outsourcing and seeking a magic "pill" as a remedy for what ails us, many people have lost touch with what their own body is capable of.

Rather than relying wholly on the bounty of pharmaceuticals available when seeking assistance with conditions like anxiety, insomnia, IBS, depression or PTSD, we would all be better off if we also understood how resourced we are with tools like a change of diet, more exercise, somatic therapy, meditation, the ceremonial use of plant medicine, and breath literacy.

Did you know: Research suggests that many common modern struggles like anxiety, lethargy, general nervous system dysregulation, asthma, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, psoriasis, heart disease, cancer, incontinence, constipation, sleep apnea, and insomnia can be reduced or reversed simply by learning how to breathe properly and optimally.

“(Scientists) discovered that our capacity to breathe has changed through the long processes of human evolution, and that the way we breathe has gotten markedly worse since the dawn of the Industrial Age. They discovered that 90 percent of us - very likely me, you, and almost everyone you know - is breathing incorrectly and that this failure is either causing or aggravating a laundry list of chronic diseases...

This work was upending long-held beliefs in Western medical science.

Yes, breathing in different patterns really can influence our body weight and overall health.

Yes, how we breathe really does affect the size and function of our lungs.

Yes, breathing allows us to back into our own nervous system, control our immune response, and restore our health.

Yes, changing how we breathe will help us live longer.

The missing pillar in health is breath. It all starts here.”

- James Nestor, Breath

Breathing is both regulated by and deeply influential on a fundamental system in the brainstem which is receiving and delivering information with all other systems of the body. It's like a superhighway, and how we breathe reflects the health and quality of the roads, the weather patterns circulating the system, the organization of traffic, and the efficacy of each car arriving at its desired destination.

The unconscious pace, depth, and rhythm of your breath is an expression of your brainstem's assessment of the necessary dose of energy anticipated for your body’s needs and performance and is functioning within a window of current carbon dioxide tolerance dictated by your breathing habits of the past.

Ideally, our breath becomes slower and softer at rest, expanding more in the low belly and with less volume of air moving. Conversely, when mobilized and in need of more energy, our breath speeds up, shifts to more chest movement, and increases in volume of air being moved.

An optimal breath will also shift back to a restful breath as soon as mobilization and energy needs decrease. The problem for many people is a lifestyle, culture, habits, and past traumas, injuries or emotional wounds, that all feed into keeping our nervous system dysregulated or operating within a narrow bandwidth of activation for far too much of the day, missing out on the vital component of consistently and predictably regulating after activation for a flexible and adaptive nervous system.

With breath literacy, you will improve your mental and physical health, increase your Self awareness, interoceptive skills, and your ability to self regulate to mediate emotions or shifts nervous system states as desired.

It’s not enough to just know what an optimal and functional breath looks like or cognitively understand the purpose and power of self compassion (or any other integral quality for well being). We also must honor that every part of you is working in service of safety and homeostasis, maintaining balance within the current system's boundaries. Our wise system has found balance in what it has been exposed to and we can’t just swiftly change one thing without impacting and exposing the whole system. There are many reasons why we stop breathing well, and to course-correct, it is best to make slow and steady changes. When there is force or manipulation of the breath without the equal importance of surrendering to your body’s guidance and wisdom by allowing your body to breathe in the way that feels good, we can cause overwhelm or unnecessary suffering and disruption.

So where to start?

1. Get curious about your own breathing patterns and habits.

2. Develop a daily-ish practice of pausing to relax and be with your breath. Guide it to be slow(er), feel it low(er), and soften and smooth it out like a wave massaging your internal organs

3. Try out my Free Introduction to Breathwork program

4. Reach out with questions and curiosities.

xoxo

May I be...

“May I be heart-centered and brave as I listen, allow, include and lead by example in the nuanced spectrum of self-compassion.”

These words have developed into a mantra that I have been expanding upon for several days now. They feel like a loving anchor or a steady compass that have guided me back home to practice in the nourishing field of my High Self. Each word has depth of meaning and spark a visceral reaction in my being as I write, read and repeat them.

It’s amazing to observe how the words we use shift our reality. At the most basic level, words give us meaning and create a surge of chemicals down old or new neural pathways. We are creatures of habit and tend to use the same words, repeat the same beliefs, and divert energy down the old superhighways in our brain.

Words create our reality. Understanding this and using words wisely, without bypassing or avoiding, yet also without fixating or creating more of what you want less of, is one of the most powerful skills we can cultivate as human beings.

I invite you to pause, get comfortable and tune into your breath. Notice how you are feeling and ask yourself what message or reminder you need today. Whatever arises, phrase it with the opening words of “May I….”

May I remember…

May I be…

May I trust…

Go with whatever feels like word medicine. Keep it simple to start, as I did with “may I be heart-centered and brave.” Over the next few days, come back to the mantra and get curious about what is becoming more clear. That might mean tweaking what is already there or adding more detail. Continue until you land on your powerful positive statement. Stay with it for a few more days, and notice what happens.

xo

Meet what's stuck...

Stuckness, stagnancy, or lack are flags pinpointing where young internal protectors have dug their heels into moments in the past.

Their intention is “never again” yet the result is keeping that moment in time alive in the body, deterring presence from new and spacious possibilities.

Step out and back into the larger field, then turn towards the protector with appreciation, compassion, courage and curiosity to connect and redirect.

Make new meaning while in your Window of Presence, reconsolidate your body memory of what was, and discover the liberation that awaits when you surrender to what is.

Slow down....

Slow is fast.

Slow honors inclusion, integration and safety.

Notice more.

Notice the threads that intricately weave, that push, that pull, that tangle and create the experience alive in this present moment.

Notice how your breath maestro’s the weaving and illuminates where and what needs more of your loving attention so it can be freed up to be in its rightful flow.

Feel the simplicity in the complexity.

Your breath animates you. Differentiated, separated, alive as an individual having a human experience, and you, we, and everything are all one.

Slow down so you can capture the magic that is your aliveness.

Maybe it's not what you "think" it is...

“No, no, you're not thinking; you're just being logical.” ― Niels Bohr

This succinct and thought-provoking quote has become an important pillar that reminds me to practice bringing my right brain hemisphere back into its rightful place of leader in my mindbody system. Both brain hemispheres are involved in pretty much everything. Yet to truly understand their roles, how they differ and how they best work together, it is best to consider brain bifurcation in terms of how they process and perceive things versus what they do.

Before I understood these two modes of processing, I was confused when a facilitator would prompt me to listen to my inner experience without "thinking." Or, the prompt: “what does your gut tell you?” or “what does your body want, what is your body saying?” My left brain dominance was so extreme that I did not feel connected to my body’s wisdom whatsoever.

What these prompts mean to say can be translated as: "don't jump to conclusions" or "don't fixate on the narration of the experience" or "don't just think about what is happening and rather let yourself feel it and see what wants to happen next."

Right and Left Hemisphere

The right hemisphere has a natural disposition of openness, seeing the seamless interconnectivity in all things and builds new connections where separation or disconnection is present. It is best suited as the leader of the brain as it defaults to presence and inhibits certainty by recognizing the multitude of possibilities and perspectives alive in each moment, knowing there is always more to discover and explore. As well, as leader, it knows it needs the left hemisphere and creates space and rhythm for toggling back and forth appropriately.

There is a humility and curiosity inherent in the right hemisphere, which curates resonant relationships that allow space for differences and encourages uniqueness. It understands implicit meaning and metaphor, and is much more in touch with the embodiment of our being.

There is a river-like flow in right hemisphere processing, where nothing can really be taken out of context because context is nothing less of the whole that exists. It is with right hemisphere dominated processing that we do our best work in holding space for ourselves and others, feeling without condition and tracking sensation without jumping out of the flow to fix or problem solve, and ultimately, surrender into the innate intelligence that is animating our body through breath without trying to manipulate it or control it. It is right hemisphere dominance that cultivates relationships with our Higher Self at the helm.

The left hemisphere is equally important yet is best when in the role of student or child to the right hemispheres parental and wise teacher status. The left hemisphere views a world in which certainty is prized and ambiguity, ambivalence or uncertainty are seen as weaknesses and hard to tolerate. From that perspective, left hemisphere processing steers towards getting "ahold" of the situation at hand by needing to categorize and label it with language, the use of black and white thinking, and over-confidence in its position as being right and knowing everything. An additional problem with left brain dominance is that it does not look towards the right hemisphere for guidance or inclusion, rather, it is as though when the left brain is in the lead, it acts as if it is the one and only aspect of you or way to process that matters.

These quick judgments and silos are experienced as safer, simpler, and more efficient. Because of this stringent, fixed and inflexible view of the world. the left hemisphere tends to not see the uniqueness in things, rather, it abstracts and categorizes, seeing inanimate parts (or the representation or idea of something) that are measurable, useable, and quantifiable instead of the complex whole that is alive, changing and unfolding.

The left hemisphere tends to fixate on stimuli, a zooming in on detail rather than an open and expansive view of the whole. This lack of flexibility lends itself towards being a specialist at delusion and denial, and tends to be more associated with the experience of the narrator as it tries/wants to makes sense of things quickly and believes what it sees.

What do we do with this information?

Perhaps you have noticed that when you are feeling triggered, under-resourced, or disconnected, that there is a tendency towards left brain dominant processing. It's faster, more confident and makes things seem simpler. Of course we lean in that direction when uncertainty or chaos has tipped into feeling like it is too much. It's as if when there is a critical mass of DIMs (danger-in-my-system: perceived unconsciously by the nervous system with neuroception), the left hemisphere defaults to take over, and if we are unaware of this shift or lack the understanding and appreciation of this mode of thinking, we might fall for its self-assurance, get stuck and feed more energy into a problem.

Both hemispheres are needed as separate entities in connection, performing their vital roles for our system. When the right hemisphere steps up to be the leader, the left hemisphere thrives as well. The left hemisphere points and quantifies for understanding and safety, and the right hemisphere pauses, slows things down to include more detail, nuance, and wise discernment to hold the space open with a growth mindset and a predisposition towards connection.

To truly "think" requires the toggling back and forth between both modes of processing, both hemispheres of the brain. To use the structure and categorization of the left hemisphere and then pause to meet that with the right and ask, "wait a second, perhaps there is another possibility here. What if I stay open and curious and see what wants to happen next?"

"Empathy is neither a deviation from intelligence nor the single route to it. Sometimes we need detachment; many other times we need attunement. And the people who will thrive will be those who can toggle between the two. As we've seen again and again, the conceptual age requires androgynous minds."

- Daniel Pink, A Whole New Mind

Drop your Shield and Expand your Field

In Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra’s we are instructed on the path to realizing the bliss of pure presence, and it’s far-reaching powers and benefits, that is our true nature. Referred to as Samadhi, a state of remembering and embodying the inseparability of body, mind and spirit. A state that we all have access to, as it is who we are before we began suffering from over-identifying with our thoughts.

Patanjali describes five main states of the mind:

Disturbed

Dull

Distracted

One-pointed

Nirodhaha

Similar to the states of the nervous system, these five perceptions and experiences of the mind dictate our quality of life and health. Ultimately, by practicing one-pointed focus we develop the ability to recognize we are not the thinking mind and our thoughts are representative of our bodily state, repetition and experience rather than simple facts or truths about existence.

The mind-state of Nirodhaha is mastery of the mind and the cessation of the fluxuations of the mind-stuff. By practicing yoga, and its multi-faceted and interconnected wisdom teachings, we see through the distortions that have created an illusion of separation and dis-ease and our crystal clear mind observes as the breath attunes with the greater intelligence and we begin to perceive the objects of the world with fresh eyes.

It is from this pure perspective that it becomes clear how love, kindness, appreciation, compassion, patience and tenderness are the greatest strengths and optimal keys to vitality and longevity. When we are calm, grounded, and connected internally, we can safely cohere with others, ourselves, and the world around us, and shine steadily as catalyst’s of healing connection.

When we feel safe and in tune, there is no need to practice shielding and protecting ourselves. We may notice momentary shielding and activation states, as these are important and wonderful aspects of our survival system. And when they are met with loving presence, and guided back into an opening as soon as the stressor has subsided, we grow stronger and even more flexible. When protection, defense and activation/shutdown are no longer your default mode of being, Nirodhaha opens and expands our presence and what once was a shield is laid down as a field of safety and connection expands. A resonance of connection and a flow of presence leads the way, and each moment becomes an opportunity to celebrate aliveness and release the sticky wounds, beliefs and traumas of the past.

Yogic wisdom and practices are guides for coming back home to yourself and stepping more fully into presence, and there are so many paths and practices that you can experiment with.

Ultimately, we all need to practice slowing down so we can access this deep wisdom inside. To recognize the need for rest and the importance of creating the space and environment conducive for healing and restoration daily. When we have that deep connection to restoration and an internal environment that is supported, resourced and connected, we can respond to our struggles and “stuck-points” with compassion, curiosity, patience, and a willingness to appreciate the intention of survival and adaptation rather than berate and judge what is uncomfortable, inconvenient or frustrating.

When we honor and know how to slow down, we also have what we need to speed up and cultivate strength and fluidity at all points of the energetic spectrum. Slowing down requires trust in the innate intelligence of rhythm, the very same rhythm that is alive in you as breath and that animates every system collaborating within and around you.

One such rhythm is called the Infradian Rhythm. For women who menstruate, this monthly rhythm has four distinct stages. When you know and practice working with this rhythm, it becomes a gift that supports your energy reserves on a deep level and a wave you can ride. While this rhythm reflects the monthly cycle, it still garners wisdom for everyone else, as it follows the four seasons and the importance of developing the ability to speed up and slow down rather than stay in one gear all of the time.

Interested in learning more? Reach out with questions or curiosities, and stay tuned for more online breath programs to support you in your journey home to yourself.

xo

Journey to Better Breathing

Optimizing and harmonizing your breath is a journey, and one that is vital in order to curate a consistent connection with your innate inner healer. I have created a nine-part video series with the intent that guidance, practice, variety and simplicity will lead you to developing awe and understanding of how to breathe functionally, how to self-regulate, how to retrain improper habits, and ultimately, how to strengthen your mental and physical health.

What you will learn

Video #1

In this first session we will move through what a functional breath looks like and feels like. A guide through the foundational steps to begin the process of how and why to slow your breath down and what you can pay attention to to support you in moving your attention inwards.

Video #2

We begin with the nervous system regulation technique of using our eyes and mindful movement to soften the rhythm of breathing and cultivate more safety signals. We review the steps for oral and spinal posture, how to practice functional breathing and the many health benefits of a healthy and pliable diaphragm moving rhythmically. Know your inhale and exhale more intimately, land on a mantra that captures the energy or experience of each, and then breathe in slow motion as your mantra supports your focused attention.

Video #3

We begin with some review, and the value in using hands on compression as you inhale to slow your breath down and support your ability to feel and be with each breath. Better breathing with a pliable diaphragm supports heart health and is the foundation for high heart rate variability. Pranayama is the practice of conscious breathing, and in this video we move through the benefits and possibilities. We expand our practice of noticing the differences in inhale and exhale by building awareness in the opposing forces in each breath; the diaphragms glide down as we inhale while we feel energy that inspires and uplifts, and the diaphragms rise up as we exhale and a felt sense of energy rooting down and grounding. Notice what happens when you stay with these two directions of movement happening simultaneously.

We add in the practice of Viloma on the inhale and then on the exhale (the interrupted breath or “against the grain”) as a slightly activating technique that supports building strength in your respiratory muscles, as well as building comfort with gentle breath retention.

With a longer interoceptive practice we begin to notice how the quality of the inhale impacts the quality of the exhale, and the quality of the exhale impacts the quality of the next inhale. We finish with some embodied mindful movement guided by the breath and the energy we have practiced noticing.

Video #4

Interoception is the sense of feeling inside our embodied experience and is an integral part of attuning to the innate healer within. As a daily practice it improves cognition and reduces risk of age-related cognitive decline.

Taking our time to use our senses outwardly to calm the nervous system we can then turn our senses inward to notice more. Using breath techniques that will be familiar from previous videos with a bit more detail and space to notice your internal experience.

“We heal to the extent that we interocept. And we interocept to the extent that we feel safe.” AD Bud Craig

We then move into conscious activating techniques with space for interoception to begin the process of building more flexibility in our nervous system, followed by more self-regulating techniques.

Video #5

A review and experiential practice of how and why to use our senses consciously to begin our practice from a place of regulation and safety. A healthy nervous system is a flexible nervous system. In this video we step further into practice of activation – or positive stress exercises – with plenty of space and variety in self-regulation (or repair) in between bouts of activation.

When we engage in these practices with interoception we will notice our own window of tolerance so we can tailor each experience to our own individual needs. This retrains our nervous system back into a healthy oscillation of rhythm.

Video #6

Your nervous system is amazing, wise, powerful, and working so hard to protect you moment after moment. In this video we move through an experience of normalizing and celebrating the various states that your nervous system direct you into, to recognize that there is another way to relate and be with yourself. Leaning into the map of the Polyvagal theory to categorize our nervous system states, learn how your vagus nerve is deeply involved in your health and wellness. We use visualization, hands on and a felt sensation of energy moving through the pathways of the nervous system to have an embodied experience of how to navigate and self-regulate.

We complete our experience with nadi shodhana (alternate nostril breathing) through the lens of self-regulation.

Video #7

What, why and when would we consciously under breathe or breathe less? A guided experience into breathing in slow motion as you learn why the sensation of air hunger is related to rising carbon dioxide rather than reduction in oxygen. And when we breathe slower and less, this increases our oxygen uptake to our hungry cells, increases our stress resiliency, and trains our brain to increase tolerance to carbon dioxide which slows down our baseline breathing rate. A slower breath rate leads to a healthier heart, a healthier immune system, and a calmer system overall that heals with ease.

Join me in this journey to learn your breath chemistry, and the gradual stages and practices of air hunger to reset your subconscious respiratory pattern generator.

Video #8

A closer look at the vagus nerve and techniques that increase safety signals in between bouts of positive stress exercise. We are taking our practice of developing flexibility and rhythm in our nervous system a step further.

Video #9

We complete our series with a longer guided experience into your inner environment along with the practice of simultaneously riding the wave of your breath and holding the hand of your breath. This is a yoga nidra-esque meditation to foster deep rest and cultivate space and capacity to sustain what you have learned in your body. Knowledge is for your brain, experience is for your body.

Curious to learn more? Check it out here!

Sacred Rest is the Portal for Manifestation

There are many ways to curate the change you desire in your life. What do they all have in common? A nervous system state that is conducive to change. There is immense power and possibility awaiting within, and we need to calm the waters to get access to the treasure that is innately in our being.

Yoga Nidra is one such practice that repairs what is keeping the nervous system activated and guides you into being the conscious creator of the life you desire.

The journey through the yoga nidra practice induces the yoga nidra state, just as we can practice yoga we also curate the state of being that is yoga. The yoga nidra state is akin to the space right before we fall asleep or right as we are waking. It's like the moment in time when you have shaken the snow globe and the habits of thought and action haven't settled in yet. You're connected more with your formless nature than your tangible form. And as wakefulness takes over, we shift into who we think we are and we think relatively the same thoughts we thought yesterday (95% of what you think today you also thought yesterday).

The shaken up snow globe is where we have the opportunity to utilize our quantum power. When we are not engaging and measuring matter, reacting and bracing with our survival mechanisms, we get access to the waves of energy as the building blocks of reality. It is here, in stillness, focused on the gap between things, enmeshed into the zero-point field that is the fabric of all creation, that we access alignment and coherence, creating intentional emergence and positive momentum.

Like neuro-muscular retraining for the body in physiotherapy, we can neuro-chemically retrain the brain through disciplined practice of breath, meditation, restoration and release. Careful and systematic investigation of current limiting beliefs and inherited programming without reacting and playing out old stories, we then can shift at a fundamental level. This is why we start and conclude the journey through the layers of our being with repeating our sankalpa three times. We open and close the gates with this sacred planting of our chosen conscious seed which is the word medicine we need.

In my online yoga nidra program, you are guided through each vital stage of this practice so you have an in-depth understanding of why the practice flows as it does, and how to consciously increase your focus, clarity and intentional healing along the way.

Learn how to shift your relationship with rest to one that is sacred, and watch as the portal of manifestation grows.

Yoga Nidra Facilitates Integration

Yoga Nidra is is both a practice and a state, and much different than your average meditation experience. As a practice, it is generally an experience that lasts between 45-60 minutes.

Why?

This is a rich, purposeful, integrative and powerful guided journey into your subconscious. And, it includes all eight limbs of yoga.

For that reason, in my yoga nidra program, each stage of this multi-layered practice is the focus one module at a time. We are differentiating each phase so you can know them intimately, yet also keep in mind that they are inseparable. With that in mind, this program is set up to be an embodied experience of Integration.

Here is a short-ish Yoga Nidra to get a sense of what this practice feels like.

What is Integration?

Integration is the result of an authentic and inclusive intimacy with oneself. We experience a detailed differentiation of what makes us unique as we relate with all parts of ourselves with a radical sense of inclusion. This form of integration is a necessity on the path to harmony and optimal health. 

Our ability to regulate our emotions, relationships, attention and behaviors is dependent on integrative fibers of the brain facilitating coordination, rhythm and harmony. Our psychology is in our physiology. An integrated and harmonious heart and brain allow for an integrated and harmonious life and relationships. 

One of my favorite integrative reminders comes from the work of Daniel Siegal, a pioneer in the work of integration. He says, "[integration] is more like a fruit salad than a smoothie."

What does this mean?

Rather than thinking we are to blend our complexity into one-ness, instead, consider that integration is including our complexity and recognizing one-ness in all of it. Integration is what allows us to experience the range of human emotion without getting stuck in our triggers or over-identified with the contents of consciousness. That is truly the key, to notice what's stuck and practice un-stucking ourselves. And yoga nidra facilitates this integration. 

Join me in this journey as we learn to honor the non-dualistic nature of existence: the pure light that is the essence of Consciousness AND the fractals or kaleidoscope (or maya) that form our individual existence and creates the reality and illusion of separation.

Wake up to What is Keeping you Asleep

In general, you are only operating in the conscious realm approximately 5% of your day. This is not a hard and fast line, rather, consider that even when you are fully present and conscious, there is a multitude of unconscious and subconscious systems at play, and when you are acting reactively and unconsciously, there is still at least a part of you that is conscious.

With that in mind, the majority of our time is driven by the powerhouse of subconscious habits and unconscious systemic operations beneath the veil, coloring what we perceive and how we feel. A problem arises when there is a lack of awareness, support or resources to understand how to intervene or regulate in moments of activation (i.e. when our body perceives there are more danger-in-my-system or DIMs than safety-in-my-system or SIMs).

For many of us, when something happens that increases DIMs, a cascade of changes happen to mobilize our system for action, such as: our heart rate increases, brain waves speed up, our breath shifts more to the chest as it quickens or becomes strained in an attempt to suppress some uncomfortable feelings arising, and our vision narrows, which also mirrors the narrowing in our perspective, perception of self and others.

On average, people are triggered into their fight or flight survival system 50-300 times per day, and this comes along with increased heart rate and subconscious behavioral platforms that, in service of our survival, use past experience to project meaning, stories and reactions onto the present moment. The more time you spend in your survival systems, the more your body acclimatizes to this way of being.

Once a system spends a considerable amount of time "out of balance," the wise body adapts around this "new normal" and a plethora of results can manifest (i.e. fast breathing at rest, IBS, hypertension, chronic insomnia, disease/cancer, ADHD, etc.), all of which make regulation, restoration and relaxation difficult, uncomfortable and seemingly out of reach. The bodymind now resists what it truly needs because it has familiarized and created homeostasis around an imbalanced state of being.

We are creatures of habit, and for good reason. Our brains are predicting what is needed moment to moment before we have fully captured the actual stimuli the moment offers. We use our past experiences to formulate how we should think, feel and act in the present. Hence 95% of what we think today, we also thought yesterday. We repeat what has "kept us alive" up to this moment, whether it is actually serving our highest good or not.

If we allow the subconscious system to be the main source of processing - which is what happens when we are not tuned into the present moment and mindful of the plethora of information arriving and being emitted through our various senses - we are then at the mercy of a system full of outdated programming and we fall into the trap of the illusion of separation and victimhood. Yoga Nidra is your invitation and guide to wake up.

I have created an online yoga nidra program to guide you through this complex practice. Stage by stage, each module is an exploration of the possibility and purpose in each part of the practice while learning how to link and integrate what has been ruptured within back into a repaired whole. The program starts when you register, and I am here for you if you need or want support along the way. It’s time to wake up to what is keeping you alseep.

 “Rest is sacred. It is vital. It is non-negotiable. No longer think of rest as a long departure from more important work. Think of it as an integrated, continuous return to your deepest work: being all the way alive. The eternal ones understand us and whisper to us now: children, in every moment, no matter what you face, you can heal yourself with rest. Rest is a life skill. When you master it, you realize it is not a departure from your life. It is the soul of your life.  A nurturing you do in the garden of each precious Breath and moment. Freedom.”

- Jaiya John, Fragrance after Rain