I have developed a wonderful and humbling habit that I learned from the Internal Family Systems model. Anytime I feel the energy of, or notice explicitly, pointing my finger at something outside of me as an issue or problem that needs to be “fixed”, I engage in a ‘u-turn’ and point that finger back in at myself. What this does is continually redirect my blame or judgement from an external source (and ultimately something that I cannot control) and come back inwards to my internal environment as something I can take responsibility for, learn from, grow through, and change from the inside out.
My latest u-turn came from my inquiry around decolonizing somatics, as I have been sitting with a feeling of “too much” gravitas and noticing an energetic quality of pointing outwards. While I know, and feel, the importance of continuing in that direction, I had the sense that I was trying to leap to the middle of a journey and was missing some foundational steps that would help me get there. When I turned my finger to come back to me, what I realized is that it is first and foremost my duty to decolonize myself, my psyche, my body, and how I show up in the world. I trust that in doing so, the ripples of such work will set me up to engage in the collaborative efforts of decolonization.
As I get to know my lineage more, my ancestors, my roots, my unique wounds and my unique gifts passed down for generations and crafted in my unique experience and place in the world, I will have the space and understanding to engage in the same due diligence with the practices I benefit from that are not directly apart of my lineage. I lean back in time with nothing but gratitude for the many pioneers who developed various healing modalities, forged in the fire of rituals that connect with Source, and I am humbly open and present to these gifts as they move through me now. I bow to each person I work with as they are the true experts of their experience, and I am immensely appreciative for the wisdom of mindfulness and presence that allows me to balance, stay and play in the place where knowledge meets unknowable.
“The master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house” - Audre Lorde
To decolonize myself I must be more clear on what that truly means. I need to understand the energy, mindsets, fears, and devastation that colonizers engaged with to build the culture and society that we still live in today. I need to see myself more clearly and recognize the thoughts, beliefs, perspectives, emotions and actions that entrenched in colonization. And I need to immerse myself more in the resources, history, and relationships of those who are racialized, those who experienced and experience colonization, and spend more time listening and learning.
I am not here to bully, or aggressively educate, or to shame anyone into stepping into this kind of work because that defeats the purpose of this work. I am here to take responsibility for myself, lead by example, express and educate from and with love, and expand my container so that others can willingly choose to step into this work in their own way and with an open heart.
I am open and eager to hear or receive any resources or ideas you have to share with me, and I will share more as this project takes shape.
Thank you.