A Mental Model for Life

Last night was part 1 (of 3) of the Mind-Body Movement, held at Branded HQ. The theme for Part 1 is How to Handle Setbacks, followed by an hour of Candlelight Yoga. Part of the content last night included the introduction of a Mental Model. 

Life can be tough. There is a lot of uncertainty and struggle that is a part of the beauty. Something that I have found to be helpful, and I have read in quite a few books, is the idea of creating a Mental Model or Metaphor to help navigate the expected unexpected. When you connect something that you know well or are intrigued by to the wild terrain, uncertainty, and intrinsic change that comes with life, you are better able to understand and navigate through the storms (waves, fire, adventure, etc.).

I challenged the group last night to create their own Mental Model, and to either post it privately or publicly. I figured that because I am committed to leading by example, I would share mine. 

I initially wrote this in my early 20's, but I lost my original copy so I re-wrote this one this week, specifically for last night's workshop. Here goes.....

"Life is an ultra-marathon that I don’t want to finish first. More opportunity and possibility arises when I keep a balanced and sustainable pace. There needs to be self-love and compassion when I slow down to rest, knowing that surrender and calm is just as important as effort and high-vibration energy. I allow excitement and motivation to grow when I push outside my comfort zone, as I discover how strong I am today. My pace will bring me into the lives of new and unique people, and my choice of path will take me on wild adventures to new lands when I am brave and open to seeing the forks in the road.

I know that leaving people behind leaves space for new relationships up ahead and venturing into the unknown seems scary at first, but it always teaches and grows me more than staying on the well-worn path. My energy and attitude attracts certain like-minded people but I remind myself to detach and let everyone roam free, as my true run partners always make their way back to me. The ebbs & flow of each day bring new challenges but all I can do is trust the process and focus on my breath and my effort. It’s tempting to compare myself to others, to wish I tried harder, to get struck in “what ifs” or get consumed by fear of what’s coming around each corner, but I’ve learned that is wasted energy.

I lean into the uncertainty, I practice gratitude for each moment, I focus on lessons learned and growth that has resulted versus shaming or regretting things from my past which cannot be changed. I know I need to conserve my precious energy for the moment at hand and I want to take in the beauty of each breath with eyes open, head up, an open mind, and an open heart. I want to cherish each connection for what it is because I know the Finish Line will come sooner than I'd like, and sometimes appears without warning.

At times I’ve been pushed, tripped, or hurt by other runners zooming past or attempting to drag themselves behind me. I’ve learned that everyone is going through their own battle, and although it may not seem like it, everyone is doing the best that they can."

Here are some other ideas to spark your creativity....

-Life is the journey of caterpillar to butterfly

-Life is a road trip in a car with three wheels

-Life is hike backwards up a mountain

-Life is the balance of walking a tight rope

-Life is the ultimate Choose Your Own Adventure novel

-Life is the journey of the University of Unlimited Choices

Take some time to write out your Mental Model for Life. Share with others. Stay open and curious about how you react and what changes you want to see in your habits and mindset. The only way to create change is to acknowledge where that change needs to happen. Reach out for support from someone you feel safe and connected with, and trust that life can be much more beautiful and satisfying when you commit to creating your best life and best-Self possible. 

I would love to hear what Mental Model you come up with. Send me a message, tag me on facebook or instagram, or find me roaming around yyc.

Have fun ;)

The evolution of SELF

I have been falling in love with life more and more each day. I discovered Lissa Rankin (author, healer, beautiful soul www.lissarankin.com) a month ago and the timing of her magical mentor-ship has cracked my heart and mind open into a new realm. As I sat this morning, reading her book (The Fear Cure), reflecting on the revelations I have had this past weekend in my relationship, prepping for my Candlelight Yoga event this Sunday evening (www.brandedyyc.com), working on the course The Path to Change outline and yoga sequences (Starts April 3 - check workshops scheduled for more details), and taking notes for client sessions coming up, I became overwhelmed with happiness and the need to express my latest evolution of SELF.  

The books I have been reading, the conversations I have had, the people I surround myself with, the fears and insecurities I have leaned into to understand and let-go of, and the mistakes and do-overs I have allowed myself to swim through in my work and in my relationships, have all brought so much more peace and beauty into my life. I love that I can see my areas of improvement without judgement or shame. I stay curious, open, and excited about the growth and discovery I am uncovering. I save my precious energy for the things I can control, and I let go and detach from focusing on the uncertainties or the things in which I have no power. I cry without feeling helpless. I celebrate without worry that the moment will end. I love without knowing what tomorrow brings. I create without fear that I won't be seen or received. I just am. I just breathe. I just connect, play, show up, and trust that each moment is full and complete when my eyes are open and my mind is present. I still stumble. I still breakdown and have to remind myself to practice self-care or have a difficult conversation. But I do this with conscious curiosity. 

I strive to DO less to leave space for more time inward. I feel and lean into the fears and struggles that grab for my attention. What adversities are you facing? What growth are they offering you to explore? Soften your heart, let go of judgement. Detach from the need to know, the need to be perfect. Allow yourself to be raw, open, grateful, and connected to the whispers and the calls to action.

What is your grief teaching you? What are you resisting? We can morph and change inwardly and outwardly when we live with intention, purpose, and vulnerability. When we detach from control and realize we only have a right to our effort, to our reflection, to our choices in how we show up. Say yes to second chances, say yes to do-overs, say yes to taking risks and letting pain remake you into who you are meant to be.

Life is messy, unpredictable, and ever-changing. No job is secure, no family is untouched by tragedy, and no soul is safe from heart ache and loss. Focus on your breath. Speak your truth. Lean into the moments that are uncomfortable, confusing, and bring up fears, and ask your divine consciousness - whether that be God, the Universe, your inner pilot light - what you are to learn from this.

Stay open. Stay receptive. Stop resisting life. Accept what is now in order to use your precious energy into forward momentum of new and healthy habits.Love life for the tragic and beautiful journey that it is. Surround yourself with people that speak your inspiring language. Put pen to paper. Practice self-love, compassion, and connection. And most importantly, leave this world a little better than you found it each morning you wake up. 

Happy soul-searching beautiful people. Reach out if you feel called to xoxo

Self-Love: The Most Important Relationship

I wrote this blog post for my friend Camilla Swagger's website, www.lovemerun.com. Check out her website for fun and creative dating tips and activities. Enjoy the read and feel free to let me know what you think ;)

SELF-LOVE: THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP

My longest relationship, before I met my life partner, was four weeks – and that includes at least one week of pretending I was sick so I could avoid any bodily contact. I have always been an independent person. When my girlfriends had one boyfriend after another, I felt I was maybe too picky or had higher standards because I just couldn’t make myself stay in a relationship if I felt my own company was better. I struggled with depression and eating disorders growing up, and often felt like I missed out on opportunities to date because I would get a phone call for a date that same evening, but I felt nauseous from eating a full pizza and a bowl of ice cream for desert already. It was hard to make progress in any relationship because I didn’t let people see who I really was behind closed doors.

I was 21 when I met Andrew in Edmonton (almost 9 years ago). It was the beginning of the summer and I was in Calgary visiting home, in between semesters at University of Victoria. I had already transferred schools three times, starting my collegiate career on a full-ride scholarship at San Diego State University, back to Canada for one year at Mount Royal, and at this point I was playing basketball at UVic. I was dealing with PTSD from my experience at San Diego State, and was avoiding my demons by drinking, partying, and abusing my prescription for Ritalin.

When I met Andrew I was struck. He was handsome, an amazing body, funny but not over-the-top, smart but not presumptuous, and an absolutely amazing kisser. I’ll keep this PG by saying there were fireworks all weekend, and we continued to see each other almost every weekend for the rest of the summer.

I went back to UVic at the end of the summer and had decided to retire my basketball shoes and focus on school for once. I was not happy with my life and Andrew was the only person that I felt truly connected to. So, I transferred one more time, and moved out to Edmonton to finish my philosophy degree at the University of Alberta.

The first year of our relationship was easy, probably because 6 months of it was long distance. I finally felt like I had found someone that I could be with for the long haul. I felt healthier, happier, more balanced, and excited about what the future holds. But after one year, I learned that I can’t avoid my struggles or use other people as a band-aid fix for deep rooted issues.

My anxiety, depression, and eating disorder came back full-force and hit me harder this time as I didn’t have an obvious problem to blame. I had the man of my dreams but I felt alone and lost.

I began cutting myself as a way to feel a few moments of release. I had so much pain and chaos in my mind, and this escalated to needing to see a wound in order to fixate my pain onto something real. I was confused. I was scared. I was desperate. For years I had been telling myself that I would be happy once I found someone to love and who would love me back. I thought that the feeling of lack, of not being enough, and of being lost and alone, were symptoms of desiring to have a partner. It became clear that outward fixes were not what was needed. If I were going to keep the relationship I had, and truly find happiness in this life, I needed to do the inner-work, and ultimately, I needed to learn how to love myself.

Being the philosopher that I am, I devoted my life to understanding what was happening inside of me and how to get myself out of this negative space. I read book after book, studying neuroscience, psychology, sociology, philosophy, leadership, and every self-help book that caught my eye. I wrote for hours each day, allowing myself to comprehend and integrate what I was learning into my real life experiences. What I discovered was a deeply ingrained negative self-talk habit that would spiral out of control and often trigger me to over-eat, over-exercise, and beat myself up. I realized that I didn’t have a loving relationship with myself, and had a habit of judging my worth and value based on what I achieved and what attention I got from others. This created an impossible expectation to uphold and an extreme emotional pendulum swing that was completely out of my own control.

Around this time I decided I needed to break up with Andrew to rediscover myself and to rebuild my sense of independence. I didn’t want to feel like I needed anyone or anything. Of course he didn’t understand when I explained to him that this was about me, and not about him, but he did his best to support me. As difficult as this was, I see this as the turning point in our relationship and in my relationship with myself. We were a part for one week, and within the first few days I realized that I didn’t need him and that I would be ok on my own if something happened in the future. I decided that I choose to be with him and I need to choose to love myself even more.

I was done being the victim. I was so sick of being depressed and allowing myself to continue in the negative and unhealthy habits I had developed. It was time to change and I knew that it was going to take conscious effort and choice every day.

What I learned from this experience was that self-love is the most important relationship to foster. If you feel alone now, being in a relationship is not the fix. Of course a loving relationship is amazing and is something to be open to, but it does not solve the problems and the struggles that you think it will. A life partner will help you experience the highest moments of your life, but this relationship will also make you struggle and grapple with the lowest points in your life. Without a strong sense of self-love, a relationship with someone else will suffer.

Whether you are in a relationship now, or are single and on the search for that special someone, here are five tips to help you foster the most important relationship in your life. Cheers to loving yourself up!

1. Take time for YOU

Put away your phone, turn off the tv, shut down your laptop, and connect with your breath. Whether you play some music, move your body, or simply sit still, you need to feel that connection with YOU. Allow yourself at least a few minutes of feeling your posture, feeling your breath, and being present with the current moment. Notice your thoughts and practice compassion. Don’t judge yourself, don’t shame yourself, and don’t set expectations. Feel the beauty and magic within your own body and your own mind. Perfectly imperfect as you are.

2. Pen to Paper

Every night before bed, take a few minutes to acknowledge what you are proud of. What are the small-wins from the day? Where did you show up brave and open? What did you learn? What did you lean into? The act of acknowledging yourself releases serotonin in your body, which is a vital happy chemical for happiness. This also trains you to celebrate yourself and to focus on what is working, versus our natural tendency to beat ourselves up and focus on where we fell short.

3. Gratitude

While you’re driving, when you are waiting in line at the grocery store, or when you have a few moments in the morning or evening, rather than reaching for your phone, tell yourself 5 things you are grateful for in this moment. Be specific. When we practice gratitude daily, we train ourselves to see the beauty in whatever situation we are in. We build our resilience and flex our happiness mind-muscle. Plus, this releases oxytocin and serotonin, more love and happiness feelings.

4. Mind-Body Connection

The words we use when we talk to ourselves effects how we feel and how we act. How we eat and how often we sweat, obviously also effects our mental health. Think of your thoughts, the food you eat, and the amount of exercise you get, as FUEL. What kind of fuel are you subjecting yourself to? Often when you feel a lack of something or a craving for something, it is a signal that you are not getting the fuel you need. Commit to eating healthy, commit to getting your body sweating, commit to learning and growing each day, and commit to practicing positive self-talk. It’s amazing how good you can feel when you start to take your health and balance seriously.

5. Let-go of Comparisons

One of the common struggles we share is the act of comparing ourselves to others. We all do it! Whether it’s through social media, seeing someone else achieve or experience something delightful, or simply imagining what others are up to, we so easily fall victim to thinking the grass is greener in other pastures. Guess what? We all struggle! We all deal with anxiety, stress, disappointment, heart ache, loss, and every other human emotion. Don’t waste time and energy thinking about what others have or fooling yourself into thinking that someone else has it easier than you. No problem is fixed by making someone else wrong, blaming, or wishing you had what someone else has. Be a do’er. Focus on the benefits of wherever you are and know that your life is what you need to focus your energy on. Where your mind goes, energy flows. So focus on growth, focus on gratitude, focus on mending your own grass and making your life the best it can possibly be.

I have created an online course that will begin April 3. The course is called “The Path to Change” and includes yoga videos for you to play with at home, access to an online community of people committed to increasing their health and WELLth, information, tools, and support from me, and a one on one coaching session with me to support you in the change you want to see in your life. When we have a support and accountability system, change is a whole lot easier and definitely more fun. Whether you are clear and ready for change or just curious about what I offer, this course is for you. I would love to have you be a part of this journey with me.  Head to www.dopeame.com for more details or reach out to me at marinmccue@gmail.com.

I hope you enjoyed hearing a bit of my story and I hope one day I can hear yours. Happy soul searching, and remember, drench yourself in love. xoxo

Step 3 of "12 Steps to a Whole New Mind"

Here it is, the third article of the 12 Steps to a Whole New Mind project. Check out www.brandedyyc.com for more great articles and insights into what's going on in beautiful yyc ;)

 

ARTICLE # 3 OF 12 STEPS TO A WHOLE NEW MIND

Welcome back soul-searchers. Last month I introduced you to the second step of this 12 step series, which highlighted the importance of positive self-talk and a morning routine to support you in retraining your thoughts to serve you in a positive and efficient way. If you didn’t catch that article yet, circle back and check it out so that you can appreciate the foundation and sequence in which I am layering these concepts, tools and practices.

My focus for this month’s article is one that I am fascinated by and am still learning and exploring on a daily basis. I am talking about FEAR. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of making an irreversible mistake. Fear of death. Fear of playing too big and having to keep up with our own passion and expectations. And conversely, fear of not living life to our fullest. The kind of fear that keeps you small, stagnant, confused, lost, lonely, and ultimately, unhealthy and unhappy.

We all face fear on a daily basis, whether we brush up against actual physical danger or simply focus too much on the uncertainty and potential threats all around us. I have studied, played, practiced and explored my fears for the past several years. I have morphed myself into a fear-loving creature compared to the fear-loathing and self-imposed victim of fear that I once was. As I have done with any concept I am curious about and desire to loosen the grips on, I start with gaining a deep understanding of the purpose and etymology of the term.

So what is FEAR, really?

The word ‘fear’ is our term to describe calamity, danger, or something that frightens us. Fear is a signal from our limbic system telling us that something is unknown up ahead. Either our past experience is reminding us of danger or the unknown factors in the situation are perceived as potential for danger. From an evolutionary perspective, we have survived because our overactive Fight or Flight response (Sympathetic Nervous System) grabs our attention with a spurt of the steroid hormone cortisol anytime we feel, smell, see, or think about potential threats to our safety.

Cortisol gives us that “do something” feeling, along with a burst of energy to run, fight or freeze. This remarkable system kept our ancestors alive and continues to keep us fortunate evolution winners alive to this day. The chemical cortisol has gotten somewhat of a bad reputation because of our overly stressed, anxious and fearful ways of living. But in small doses, cortisol is healthy and necessary. We need a bit of stress, and in fact, a bit of trauma is actually good for us, as it builds resiliency and gratitude for the precious nature of life and its many gifts.

The inspiring author and holistic health expert Dr. Lissa Rankin (check her out, www.LissaRankin.com) tells us that despite the few actual physical threats in our immediate environment (at least in our first world country), the average person activates their Fight or Flight system over 50 times per day, and upwards to 200 times per day.

What does this mean?

We are flooded with cortisol, which halts almost every other process in the body and mind. We have natural healing abilities that only work when our body is in a state of calm or relaxation, which is not the reality for anyone who lives an anxious, stressed out or fearful life.

With that said, of course there will be legitimate reasons to feel stress or fear, and to expect a life without these bumps and challenges, is to be naïve to the nature of life. But how can we deal with life’s peaks and valleys in a more balanced and healthy way? How can we lean into fear, embrace our struggles, celebrate our challenges, and come out the other side stronger, more resilient and braver to handle the next storm?

Build your Armour

Author and Nobel Prize winner in Economics, David Kahneman says, “We think with our body.” We touched on this in last month’s article. The words we use when we talk to ourselves have an immediate and direct impact on our physiology. If we want to change the way we live our life, the way we perceive the world and the way we show up (meaning the energy we bring into every situation) it starts with our thoughts. One thing is for sure, expecting the unexpected is a great way to limit the impact when surprises pop up. There will always be uncertainty and unknown factors to play with and accommodate, so expecting curveballs will help you laugh and get curious versus feeling like a victim or beating yourself up for not being prepared enough.

One thing that has helped me immensely is to think about courage as a muscle to flex. The more I practice courage by pushing outside my comfort zone and stepping up to the plate despite my nerves, I have found it to become easier and easier, and, dare I say it, it has become fun. We get used to absolutely anything we expose ourselves to on a frequent basis, for better or for worse. Brene Brown, in her book Daring Greatly, says, “The willingness to show up changes us. It makes us a little braver each time.”

The fact of the matter is, when we are honest about what we desire and what we want to create in our lives, fear will come along for the ride and will most likely ride shotgun. We fear that we will not get what we want. We fear that we will be rejected. We fear that we are not worthy of the big and powerful goals we declare we desire. It seems, at first, that we can’t win. It’s as though being vulnerable and making our bold affirmation of the life we desire is ultimately setting ourselves up for disappointment. The problem is, as Danielle LaPorte so beautifully points out, “when you cease to desire, you cease to evolve.”

We have to acknowledge ourselves for our effort, for our passion and for our resiliency and ability to learn, versus rating our value and worth simply on the day’s level of productivity or how many people acknowledged us for the work we are doing. We build our armour by reminding ourselves daily to stop taking ourselves so seriously, to focus on improving versus proving and to explore the edges of our comfort zone. Stepping into the light of our desire, making bold declarations of the life you want to create, and setting big goals to inspire and motivate action, also comes with the reality of facing our hypocrisy. It means we must joust with our shadows, and swim through our deeply ingrained habits of thought and action that have gotten us to where we are today. You have to be willing to feel and explore the full range of your emotions, reactions, and habits, in order to heal and develop a healthy relationship with fear and your inner self-talk.

It’s all in the relationship

Fear itself is not going to change, but your relationship with fear can change. First, acknowledge fear for what it really is, an emotional reaction and energy coursing down a neural pathway of least resistance. Remember that your body and mind are overprotective and are signalling that there is uncertainty in the mix, or that you have experienced something similar in your past that did not produce an outcome you loved. But today is a new day and you don’t have to allow fear to be the backseat driver it strives to be.

In the moment you feel stress, anxiety, or fear reaching for the wheel, you can implement the techniques of Mindsight to direct energy away from the Fight or Flight response and towards the problem-solving area of your brain by asking yourself quality introspective questions. The quality of your question will determine the quality of your answer, and ultimately, the quality of your psychology or mindset. Avoid bringing in judgement and unnecessary victimizing by asking, “Why does this always happen to me?,”or “What’s wrong with me?”, or “why does everybody else have it easier than me?” Rather, spark curiosity and a desire to understand by asking “how do I want to show up here?,” or “what do I really want?,” or “how do I want to feel at the end of today?” or “what reminders do I need here to ensure I lean into this struggle?” See the difference?

In the book ‘Mindsight’ by Daniel J. Siegal, he describes Mindsight as,

“…a kind of focused attention that allows us to see the internal workings of our own minds. It helps us to be aware of our mental processes without being swept away by them, enables us to get ourselves off the autopilot of ingrained behaviours and habitual responses, and moves us beyond the reactive emotional loops we all have a tendency to get trapped in.”

Mindsight is the act of taking a step back to observe and notice what you are feeling, what your reactions and impulses are directing you towards, and what meaning you are projecting into this reality. It is you standing on the balcony, observing without judgment and sticking to the “brass tacks” of what the moment presents. It is you saying, “Wait a second, what am I noticing here? What do I really want?”

How else can we start to curb our body’s overactive Fight or Flight response? It is exhausting to feel stressed, anxious and fearful throughout your day. We all have so much going on in our lives, and at times, the responsibilities on our shoulders can feel like a weight too heavy to carry. It is so important to find time daily to reconnect with yourself. Slow down and connect with your breath and shine light on the advantages of wherever you are in this moment. We have goals. We strive to be better, smarter, more successful, more experienced, and more respected, but that doesn’t have to be a trade-off with joy and contentment in the moment at hand. Challenge yourself to spend 10 to 30 minutes each day, to take a step back and notice how you are feeling and what habits you engage in that are no longer serving who you want to be.

If you want to dig into this deeper or want to learn more, check out my website (www.dopeame.com) or reach out to me directly (marinmccue@gmail.com). I am teaching an online course, The Path to Change, beginning April 3. It is set up as a 40 day challenge, and I am taking registrations right up until that date. You can find all the information and the registration link on my website.

Check out the Events tab on this website (or Workshops Scheduled on my website) to learn about my next collaborative project with Branded. We are taking Candlelight Yoga and Goals to the next level, as a three-part series that will help you become the leader you want to be in your own life.

Book Recommendations:

Mindsight by Daniel J. Siegal

The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

Niave Optimism versus Pragmatic Optimism

Our words carry a lot of meaning, based on traditions, experience, and repetition. Often I will find that the same words used by different people, carry a different significance. Not that the word has a complete different definition (although sometimes that is the case), but different people focus on different aspects of the same word. 

For example, when I say "FEAR"......the reactions, the stories played out in our mind, the feelings, and the synonyms that pop up, are going to be slightly, to dramatically, different from person to person. 

What do you think of when you hear the word, "Optimist"? Perhaps you think of a glass half-full, or an easy going and light-hearted yogi, or a goofy smile and a naive outlook on life. What comes up for you? I have found this word to be the center of several debates. What does it look like to live as an optimist? 

Something that has become more clear over the past few months is the need for another word to describe the type of Optimist you are striving to be. You probably have heard of the phrase The Naive Optimist - which refers to a person who stays happy, hopeful, jolly, or love-struck despite overwhelming evidence that something other than pure joy is required to handle the situation at hand appropriately. 

The phrase I have begun to use to describe my style of optimism, is a Pragmatic Optimist. To be a pragmatist means to approach each situation by assessing the truth/validity of a theory or belief based on the efficacy, the previous success rate, and the observable practical consequences.  It is a matter-of-fact mental model that steers away from emotional reactions and feelings. 

So, to be a Pragmatic Optimist is to recognize that striving for happiness, looking for the silver-lining, and aligning your thoughts and actions to serve you and the world in the best way possible, is an ideal worth pursuing. 

I have lived life as a pessimist, as a naive optimist, and solely as a pragmatist, and I know from experience that when I am committed to growth and learning, when I engage in activities that purposefully bring me joy, connection, and satisfaction, and when I focus on gratitude and seeing the benefits in whatever situation or circumstance I find myself in,  I feel content and passionate about the life I am living. 

Life itself does not have intrinsic meaning. It is up to each one of us to discover our passions, to let go of our past or our habits that weigh us down, and to create a life of purpose by following our own mental-models of what it takes to be our best-self. 

I have done the work to get myself to where I am today, and I love that my heart and soul calls me to support others to do the same. What are you waiting for? Your life as a pragmatic optimist awaits xoxo

Step 2 of "12 Steps to a Whole New Mind"

Hey all,

Below is my latest article posted on the brandedyyc website. Step two of my 12 step process I am calling, 12 Steps to a Whole New Mind. 

Check out the branded website for lots of other local and fun articles. Let me know what you think xo

 

 

STEP TWO OF 12 STEPS TO A WHOLE NEW MIND.

Last month I introduced the first article of this year-long editorial by focusing on the foundation, obviously a great place to start with anything. If you didn’t catch that article, take a few minutes to circle back to appreciate the order in which I am layering these concepts and tools.

The next step, and one that I often consider to be the most pivotal in my own understanding and growth, is a morning routine. It has been said that all it takes is 10 minutes a day of focused intentional energy towards a goal to feel like you are making progress. Let me repeat, 10 minutes a day. I don’t care how busy you are, how many companies you own, how many projects you have left until the last minute possible…everyone can spare 10 minutes each day to go inwards and focus on self-care, self-development and self-love. That’s what the morning routine is all about. It is a chance for you to slow down, take stock on how you are feeling, what you want to accomplish and what intention will help you achieve your goal.

Self-Talk

Before we dive into the specifics of a morning routine, it’s important to understand the WHY. Whatever we focus on, we create more of. Wherever you focus your attention, you build new or stronger neural connections simply by shining light on whatever you are experiencing. As my all-time favourite mantra sings, “Where your mind goes, energy flows”. The words we use create a ripple effect within ourselves, as well as the environment around us. When we narrate each passing moment, when we communicate our story to others and to ourselves, when we project meaning onto our experiences and when we reflect on our past or project into the future, the words we use carry incredible power in how they make us feel.

As I mentioned in the last article, author Shad Helmstetter – in the book What we say when we talk to ourselves – states that up to 77 per cent of what the average person thinks is negative. According to the National Science Foundation, the average person thinks 12,000 to 50,000 thoughts per day (depending on how deep of a thinker you are). This means that we create 9,240 to 38,500 negative thoughts in just one day. No wonder we have an epidemic of depression, anxiety, obesity and an overall lack of enthusiasm for positivity. I think it’s about time that we changed this fact.

Retrain Your Brain

Your mind is a unique combination of neural pathways that have connected through life experience and repetition. The more you repeat a thought, relive an experience, tell a story or hold onto a belief, the more that neural pathway ingrains as a fluid path of least resistance. Your reptilian brain – where habits are stored – doesn’t know if that habitual thought pattern, reaction, or behaviour is healthy, all it knows is what is comfortable, easy, and has allowed you to survive thus far. This is where conscious awareness and effort comes in. John Coates articulates this beautifully in his book The Hour between Dog and Wolf,

“Consciousness is merely a bystander observing a decision already taken, almost like watching ourselves on video – with the power of ‘veto’ when mindful of doing so.”

If you have a habit that is not serving you well, you must talk yourself out of it by first acknowledging the change you want to make, catching it in action and practicing in opportune moments to react differently. It’s time to bring the phrase “do-over” into your vocabulary.

New connections in your brain are forged when you notice the thought pattern, and then consciously react differently so that new neural connections are formed. It then takes repetition for 21 to 50 days, to create a highly myelinated neural pathway that can take over as the path of least resistance from the previously ingrained habit. Sound complicated? It is, because it’s always easier said than done. But here is how you can make this change happen.

Morning Routine

Set an Intention

In order to change habitual thought patterns, we need to take time daily to notice our thoughts and consciously shift our self-talk to serve who we want to be and how we want to show up. The act of setting an intention for your day will help with this.

Sit comfortably with a tea or coffee, take a few deep mindful breaths and reflect on how you want to show up for the day ahead.

What do you need more of in your life today?

Courage, Mindfulness, Passion, Open, Curious, Engaged, Connected, Receptive, Action, Posture, Self-Love, Gratitude, etc.

Know that it starts with you. Your intention is your anchor, your direction and your reminder in a simple but powerful affirmation of how you want to engage with the world and with yourself.

Mind-Map

Write your intention down and put a circle around it. Branch off from that core word and add more positive, action-oriented, empowering, inspiring, and energetic words that embody what a full day of embracing this intention will look and feel like. The act of focusing on your intention and filling a page with synonyms and actions for your day, will begin to activate happy chemicals (more on this in articles to come) and get your mind away from negativity or “baggage” from the previous day.

Mindful Movement

The act of getting your heart rate up and engaging with your breath in a mindful and intentional manner, brings your bodily system back to equilibrium. It also releases a few growth hormones in your brain to aid in mood balancing, memory, learning, coping with stress and overall sense of happiness.

Whether you make time in the morning as part of your routine, or get a sweat in at lunch or after work, it is important to make this a priority. Don’t think of this just as time to work on your body, but rather a pivotal ingredient in keeping your mind healthy, stable and open.

Reminders

We are all busy people. We have jobs, hobbies, responsibilities, several roles to play and relationships that take time to keep healthy and moving forward. Set yourself up with reminders to keep these positive vibes flowing all day long. Write sticky notes to yourself and leave them in your car or around your home. Set reminders in your phone to pop up at pre-determined times throughout your day. Get your friends and family involved by making sweat dates or expressing the need for accountability and support. You will be surprised by how well and how quickly you will feel and see the change you want in your life when you focus on it a few minutes each day.

Want More?

If you are interested in hearing more or want to inquire about personal coaching or workshops, please reach out to me at marinmccue@gmail.com. You can also check out my website at www.dopeame.com for more inspiration. I am offering a six-week Yoga and dope(a)me FUNdamentals course starting mid March – The Path to Change – check out my website for more details.

Book Recommendations:

Subliminal by Leonard Mlodinow

The Hour between Dog and Wolf by John Coates

Spark by John Ratey

Commit to the process, not the outcome

On this Valentine's Day morning, I find myself sitting alone with a cup of coffee. I am looking out towards the mountain view, where my man has headed off to for the weekend, and am overcome with how lucky and loved I truly feel. We don't make a big deal about VDAY, in fact, I am more inclined to push against the cultural norms and expectations society likes to impose on people. I love that Andrew has a passion for flying down the mountain side on skis or on his bike. Today I choose to celebrate the love for passion. We both have passions that do not involve each other, and that creates depth within our relationship.

I had a funny conversation with someone yesterday who had a strong opinion about Andrew "leaving me" on Valentine's day. To them, this was a failure on his part. The comical conversation was a reminder of why I don't spend much time with this person, as well as got me that much more curious about the negative connotation that "failure" carries.  That's what I want to dive deeper into. 

I find "failure" and "set-backs" to be a fascinating topic to discuss and to hear stories of failure are always engaging. It is a topic that comes up a lot in my coaching, I read about it in books, I see it in the media, and I experience it almost daily. Whether it is the epic and earth shaking kind of failure or just a simple miss of the target - so to speak - failure is a big part of being human. We are imperfect. We make mistakes. We act out of character at times, we get stuck in 'ruts', we create habits that aren't healthy, and we have a knack for blaming others and spreading negativity when we can only look to ourselves as being responsible for the things we don't want in our lives.

Failure can feel like we are going to die, even when there is no physical threat to fear. Rejection, embarrassment, criticism, and self-deprecation, register in your bodily system as physical pain. The expectation of reward met with the negative reaction to a "failure" is felt in your body as a sudden drop in dopamine and serotonin, met with a spike in cortisol (the stress hormone). Your mind's perception of failure being something to avoid, something to be ashamed of, or a sign that your path or project was time wasted, exaggerates your bodily reaction to failure. 

Your mindset plays a huge role in your ability to grow yourself into a stable, level-headed, motivated, and successful person overall. Any kind of change in your life will take focused and intentional energy. If you want to change your relationship with failure, you have to change the meaning, focus on the journey, and get your body moving. 

Change the Meaning

"Failure" is a way to describe not getting the outcome you desire. The more you desire something, the tougher that failure is to face. But without failure, there is no success. In the book Creativity, Inc., Ed Catmull tells us that one of the guiding principles in Pixar's culture is the mantra "fail fast, fail often". When you recognize failure as a teacher, as an opportunity to edit and relaunch, and as a reminder to stay humble and honest with where you are and what you are creating, failure is not something to fear or avoid. When you commit to the process, you are acknowledging that set-backs and failures are coming along for the ride as well. The desired outcome is the beacon of light at the end of the tunnel, but it is not where time, energy, and focus is directed. The process is the meat and potatoes of the project.  

Focus on the Journey

Life is the here and now. It is lived moment to moment in a continuous sequence of NOW, until one day, it ends. We can get so caught up in the fear of failure that we stop ourselves from truly living. Life is the journey. And what feels like it will never end, does end. The moments of embarrassment, the uncomfortable conversations and the uncertainty that arises when we are vulnerable and passionate about our creative process, are the juicy and growth inducing moments to lean into. Life isn't supposed to be easy, but the more we practice being brave, vulnerable, open, receptive, and creative, the more resilient and easy it becomes. We can get used to anything, so why not get used to playing big and enjoying every moment of your Journey while you can.  

Get Your Body Moving

In the book Spark, John Ratey goes into detail of one study after another that has proven that daily aerobic exercise is a necessary component to improve and sustain our quality of life. We are built to move. Whether it is 10 minutes of getting your heart rate up or a 1 hour sweat session at the gym, your mind and body need movement to keep balance and achieve health and happiness. Find your rhythm by committing to get a sweat going every day. When you acknowledge that this is for your mind's health and happiness, and not an aesthetic reason of getting your body in shape, you may find more motivation to keep this routine in your life. Follow a video on youtube, get to the gym for a group class, hire a personal trainer, join a run club, or commit with a friend and hold each other accountable. Your body needs to move in order for you to make the changes you want to see in your life. 

Take some time today to express gratitude for what you do have in your life. Let go of the expectations society places on you or the comparisons that keep you feeling small. You are unique. You are perfectly imperfect as you are. There is always room for improvement and we can all commit to growth and playing big in our pursuit of creating the life we desire, but first we have to let go of the unnecessary negative emotions and commit fully to the process ahead. Take a few deep breaths, enjoy where you are, and know that your energy attracts more of the same into your life. So get real with how you are showing up, and focus on your impact, your goals, and your work. Life will unfold from there. 

Happy Soul Searching xoxo

The Path to Change.....shifting gears

After careful consideration and lots of feedback, I have shifted my focus for The Path to Change to create an online program instead. Convenience, impact, community, and simplicity is the name of the game. I learned a lot from the 30 day challenge I created last year, so if you participated in that, know that I took your feedback to heart, reflected and grew from the process, and have come up with an even better platform and content to share. 

I am committed to growth and am passionate about supporting others to create their best life, and that is what this program is all about. 

With that said, I wanted to take some time to explain what you can expect when you register for this 40 day challenge....

• A commitment of 10-60 minutes per day (that's it!)
• Private Facebook group to connect our community, allowing support and easy access to my coaching services
• A log-in to my website where content will be posted once a week (for six weeks)
• Simple and impactful information, tools, challenges, inspiration, and support - posted weekly to allow you to reflect, learn, practice, let go, and grow
• 1 private coaching session with me (2D or 3D)
• Six 30 minute Yoga Videos, 1 posted weekly, that will be quality, easy to access, and will allow you to hear my words of insight and self-exploration as you move and connect with your breath

The 6 themes we will follow are tried and true, as a process that served me on my journey and has proven to be successful with the clients I have worked with. Working as a group allows me to cut the cost while adding value in the team environment. You can be involved with the online community as much or as little as you choose, and you will get out what you put in. Your time, effort, dedication, and desire to explore and get curious about your Change is a must. But as I mentioned above, all it takes is 10-60 minutes per day. 

The 6 weeks will follow the below themes....

• Connect (week 1 &2)

1. Growth Mindset
2. "Motion is Lotion" (quote courtesy of my teacher Nora Maskey)

• Create (week 3 &4)

1. Happy Chemicals
2. Self-Talk

• Clarity (week 5&6)

1. Goals/Actions
2. Limiting Beliefs/Mission Statement

If you are curious about participating and want to learn more, please reach out with questions. Register before March 1 and receive the early-bird rate. I look forward to connecting ;)

marinmccue@gmail.com

The sense of 'lack' is a signal

As I sit here looking out over the mountains from my balcony, on a beautiful and sunny Calgary winter day, I find myself reflecting with love, passion, and curiosity about how our mind's work and, ultimately, how to embrace mindfulness and live your best life possible. 

Fresh off a call with a client in Vancouver, I find myself feeling inspired, open, and vulnerable, which is a satisfying reminder of why I love coaching. As I continue on my own journey of growth and further depth into my own psyche, I am struck to write, explore, and play with the flow of energy I experience. 

I am introspective, in the practice of observing and noticing, instead of reacting. I notice how my mind attaches to everything it sees with my eyes, but there is also a constant narration dictated with a distracted voice - reflecting on the past and projecting into the future. I also notice that there are two types of voices within this dichotomy; a positive voice and a negative voice. I am fascinated by this. 

Another reason I love coaching individual's who truly desire and commit to be their best-self, is that the relationship is about inspiring each other. I am inspired by vulnerability, effort, love, creativity, curiosity, passion, and work-ethic - and I am equally passionate about leading others into this mindset. I am learning daily, moment to moment. I embrace my passion to understand the inner-workings of my mind and what it takes to create a legacy to be proud of, however big or small my ripple-effect ends up being.  

I strive for balance, to explore new ventures and possibilities, and to live my life feeling exposed and real as if I am naked strolling down the street. I have found love in my platform to support others to let-go of baggage and actually live life with passion, self-love, and success overall. To do this, I need to continue digging deeper and simplify the process in a way that can be adapted to support anyone at any point in their life. As you can imagine, simplifying this process is not a simple task. 

The last few threads in the tapestry have created more clarity and I would be honored to share this in the offering of my words and my experience. Take it or leave it, this practice of letting thoughts flow, connecting with breath, and playing with my philosopher-hat while I flex my happiness mind-muscle, is time well spent.

1. The sense of 'lack' is a signal. When you feel that something is missing, that there is a 'lack' of sorts, but you are not sure why, this is the ultimate distraction and cause of impulsivity, regret, and loss of control. This is a signal that you are lacking a "Happy Chemical", you are lacking clarity in something, or potentially, you just forgot something important and you subconscious is signaling a warning, which we sometimes experience as premonitions or de ja vu. Nothing mystical here, we are simply more perceptive and aware than we even realize. 

**See my previous blog post about Happy Chemicals to understand this concept further**

2. The common thread in stress, anxiety, fear, playing small, swinging from one extreme to the other, or feeling victim to an unhealthy habit, is a Monkey-Mind, courtesy of the 'Elephant' (refer to The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt for the 'Elephant and Rider' metaphor). These negative feed-back loops are symptoms of listening to the "negative voice" in your mind for a long time. Your neurons have "superhighways" to cortisol-inducing emotions (cortisol = stress hormone). Which means, regardless of you knowing something isn't good for you, your will-power is "David against Goliath", 'Goliath' being the deep-rooted habit of getting attached to "stories" or stagnant in progress.

**I have a blog post a few months back about the Elephant and Rider, reference that for more details***

At the foundation, frustration arises when there is a lack of clarity or uncertainty of any kind. When we feel threatened, confused, stuck, or unprepared, we react with frustration or anger. When we allow the Monkey-Mind to control our awareness and what to focus on, we are setting ourselves up for a lot of uncertainty.   

3. Choice towards change is first found in reactions. How do you react to a new day? How do you react to setbacks? How do you react when someone doesn't offer the attention or support you want? How do you react when you are angry? You get the idea. We so often lose our momentum towards a goal or fall into frustration and guilt which zaps energy that could be used to learn and grow. Choose to get curious about your reactions. Notice your thoughts and notice your actions. Do you think and behave in a way that serves you in the best way possible, whatever that means to you? 

4. Let go of the emotional pendulum swing. In order to stay curious, and have energy available to change your reaction in opportune moments, you have to detach from the emotional pendulum swing the Monkey Mind gets caught up in. In these moments you need to remind yourself, "I am not my thoughts", "What makes this truth?", "What else could be true?", "Stay with my breath, in this moment, with whatever IS NOW". 

5. Let go of perfection. There is no such thing. We are all perfectly imperfect. What makes us unique and vulnerable is what connects and bonds us. High expectations and a desire for Greatness is a beautiful aspiration, but within that is the understanding that failure teaches and grows us in the best, most efficient, and honorable way. To fail with humility, to commit to growth and showing up better each day, to learn and explore through what is not working, and to see the value in focusing on planting seeds versus rating yourself on outcome alone, leaves no room for perfection. 

6. Sometimes what IS NOW, is shitty. That's a signal that you need to face this now more than ever. Don't ignore what needs to be faced. Don't deny what was or what is, in an attempt to avoid its impact. Do the work. Get the support. Trust that life does not have to be shitty. As the wise and wonderful Brene Brown says, 

"When we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write the ending."

7. You have to really dig in to 'limiting beliefs' and the 'stories' you've repeated tirelessly, and recognize what comes from an ingrained reaction that doesn't need to be there. Once you've done that, it's as though you elevate from being trapped inside a ship as it's sinking into balancing on a sturdy row-boat that is floating down a monstrous river.

So which voice do you listen to? The Monkey-Mind on a reckless and habit following adventure, or the voice of reason, purpose, and thirst for sensing 'lack' and expanding to know Self, Life, and Love? You can't control the outcome, but you can control your effort. And effort towards understanding, opening, experiencing, growing, and exploring life, is how I choose to carve out my legacy. What are you waiting for?

**For more support on Change, reach out to register for The Path to Change: Connect, Create, and Clarity. These concepts, ideas, tools for practice, and much more, will be the purpose and direction of our journey together. Check out the 'Workshops Scheduled' tab for more details. 

marinmccue@gmail.com

The Path to Change - Yoga and dope(a)me FUNdamentals

I know that you are busy. I am busy. It's a beautiful position to be in. We have roles, responsibilities, duties, jobs, projects, people depending on us, hobbies to keep up, relationships to nourish, down time to honor, health and wellness to invest in, and commitments that keep us running from one thing to the next. It has become almost a badge of honor, "look how busy I am".

But what are you spending all of this "busy time" on? What are you getting out of it? How are these commitments, roles, projects, investments, etc., serving you? I am sure you will find that some of the things you are engaged in are hugely beneficial and rewarding, and I would be willing to bet that there are also several hours in your day being spent on things that take energy away versus fuel, expand, and grow you in a clear direction that you are excited about. 

This is why I have created The Path to Change: Connect, Create, and Clarity; learning Yoga and dope(a)me FUNdamentals. I know it is a big commitment to choose to invest your time (and money) in a 6 session course, especially when there are so many possible courses, seminars, groups, programs, retreats, etc., that you could choose. So why choose this one??

First of all, we all have habits that are not serving us. Habits of negative self-talk, habits of self-sabotage, habits in the way we react to struggle, habits in how we eat, habits in how we spend out down-time, habits in relationships....the list goes on. This course is, first and foremost, about HABITS. The act of getting together once a week to focus solely on YOU, your health, your balance, and your growth, is an amazing gift to give yourself.  This commitment will help you adopt the habit of taking time to ensure you are setting yourself up as your number one priority. If you already have that habit, this will help you dig deeper, grow stronger in your practice, and open you up to new tools and insights into where your blind spots are. 

Each session will begin with one hour of yoga. Whether you have never practiced Yoga before or are a dedicated practitioner, the yoga portion of each session will allow you to honor where you are while offering insights into letting go of stress and comparison, and enveloping yourself in self-love. 

The 6 weeks are broken up into 3 main steps, and they will build off each other, allowing an integrative and meaningful journey that will impact the way you view your world.

Week 1 and 2: Connect

In these first two sessions, we will engage in gentle and invigorating yoga as we mindfully build the foundation and get clear on our own boundaries and potential limitations.

We will focus our group work on the power of Self-Talk, Goal Setting, Body Language, Growth Mindset, and some basics in Nutrition. With only an hour of coaching, the time will fly by as you take notes, engage in reflection and writing, and set yourself up for a powerful week. 

Week 3 and 4: Create

In the middle two weeks of this series, we will bring in some more heat into our yoga practice as I introduce Yoga Beat and Power Flow. Still mindful of limitations and modifications, you will be taught ways to engage in your practice, honoring your body, and having fun regardless of the level of 'expertise' exemplified by the other practitioners.  

Our self-development work will then get into Limiting Beliefs, the Neuroscience Behind Habits and Happy Chemicals, How to Think About and Tell Your Story, and Creating Your Personal Mission Statement. 

Week 5 and 6: Clarity

With four weeks of intentional and empowering work behind us, we are ready to gain clarity and momentum for sustainable change. Our yoga practice will integrate what we have learned so far, and can be a little more interactive as you let me know what you are curious about and what you want to explore. 

Our group work will transition into Integrating what we have learned by creating an Accountability System, Revisiting Goal Setting, Creating a Support Systems that Incorporates Happy Chemicals, and Aligning our Lives with our clear Core Values and Purpose. 

This is only 2 hours out of your Saturday, for 6 weeks. It is amazing what we can accomplish with focused attention and intentional coaching. I am so passionate about this work and love being a part of people's journey as they let go of what is no longer serving them to leave space open to embrace and tune into what truly matters......*insert your Core Values here*. 

The early bird registration closes end of day February 15, and the regular pricing for registration will be open until 2 days before March 12. Reach out if you have any questions or to register for your spot. 

marinmccue@gmail.com

Investment:

• $270 Early-Bird ($330 with Child-Care. ages 3+)

• $300 After Feb 15 ($360 with Child-Care)

Where: The Village (4039 Brentwood Road NW)

When: Saturday March 12, 1-3pm (and the following 5 Saturday's)

Why: Because it is time to let go of what was and truly embrace and honor a life of self-love, passion, and growth.

Mindsight and Mindfulness: the ultimate balance

I wrote this blog post in September 2015 for the yyc-cycle blog page. As I am preparing for Article #3 on brandedyyc.com on a similar topic, I referenced back to see what I said and realized I hadn't shared this on my website yet. So here it is, enjoy ;)

Mindsight and Mindfulness: How to integrate these two practices into your life

I first learned the concept of “Effort and Surrender” in yoga teacher training at the start of this year. I was immediately drawn in and intrigued by this mplimentary contradiction d have been reflecting and integrating this into my life ever since. I found truth in this for my breath; inhale is the effort, exhale is the surrender. I have also found this supportive in how I pursue the things I want in life; action and experience is the effort, while letting-go, accepting the present moment for what it is, and embracing and loving who I am, is the surrender. Two seemingly unrelated concepts (effort versus surrender), yet when brought together create a beautiful, balanced, and unique way to approach living, striving, and thriving. 

What has become clear to me is the equal importance and power of these two concepts working in harmony. In regards to gaining clarity and direction in oneself, I perceive for as mindsight, and surrendes mindfulness. Let me explain. 

In the book ‘Mindsight’ by Daniel J. Siegal, he describes Mindsight as, 

“...a kind of focused attention that allows us to see the internal workings of our own minds. It helps us to be aware of our mental processes without being swept away by them, enables us to get ourselves off the autopilot of ingrained behaviours and habitual responses, and moves us beyond the reactive emotional loops we all have a tendency to get trapped in.” 

So what does this mean? 

Mindsight is the act of taking a step back to observe and notice what you are feeling, what your reactions and impulses are directing you towards, and what meaning you are projecting into this reality. It is you standing on the balcony, observing without judgment and sticking to the “brass tacks” of what the moment presents. It is you saying... “wait a second, what am I noticing here? and, what do I really want?” 

Our brains are fascinating, vast and intricate. So much so that they are almost incomprehensible; logical yet mystical, straight forward but oh-so complicated. One of my favourite sayings is “where your mind goes, energy flows,” and as I learn and experience more I see why this speaks volumes when striving to live with intention. Siegal refers to this in a different way; “[h]ow we focus our attention shapes the structure of the brain.” 

Everything you do in life can be broken down into habits. Habits of thought, habits of actions, habits of speech, and the ultimate - habitual (emotional) reactions. We are constantly forming new habits, whether we realize it or not. The key to mindsight is to utilize conscious effort, repetition, novelty, and/or emotional arousal, to form new neural pathways that will take over the old pathways and become the new path of least resistance. We can be in the driver-seat of our own life and literally re-shape our brains to react and create habits that serve who we truly want to be. 
Traumatic experiences (extreme emotional arousal) or limiting beliefs (based on experience in the past or taking the word of a “wise elder” without feeling and experiencing for ourselves) can create an overly sensitized reactivity loop in the limbic area (aka “fight or flight”). We know that higher levels (or a constant flow) of cortisol is toxic for the body and brain. Mindsight allows us to step away from this reactive loop and recruit the higher functioning areas of our cortex to “override” this limbic system. How? In comes Mindfulness. 

So what is Mindfulness? Siegal says, 

“Mindfulness is a way of intentionally paying attention to the present moment without being swept up by judgments or thoughts.” 

So, basically, Mindfulness creates a sense of receptivity and openness to the current moment without attachment. It allows us to be open to whatever the moment presents, with an open heart and an open mind. Siegal says:

“Openness implies that we are receptive to whatever comes to our awareness and don’t cling to preconceived ideas about how things “should” be. We let go of expectations and receive things as they are, rather than trying to make them be what we want them to be. Openness enables us to sense things clearly. It gives is the power to recognize restrictive judgments and release our minds from their grip.” 

There it is: mindsight and mindfulness. Two wings of the same bird. Effort (mindsight) to create direction, to bring presence and clarity into each moment, to understand your brain and who you truly are, and surrender (mindfulness), that reminder to exhale, to embrace and love who you are, where you are, and trust that you can handle whatever the next moment brings into your awareness. 

Now that you have an idea of what these two concepts are and why they are pivotal in taking charge of your own life, what’s next? How do we actually integrate these and put them into practice? 

In order to retrain your brain into adopting a new vocabulary, a new perspective on life, or new habits of thought and action, you must repeat it, play with it, talk about it, reflect on it, write about it, and surround yourself with other people who strive to live in this mindful and intentional way. 

This is only scratching the surface of what it means to live an intentional and purposeful life. Take some time to reflect on how these concepts are landing in your body. What do you notice? What are you curious about? What do you need to let go of to make space for mindsight and mindfulness? What do you need to embrace to remind you of the energy you want to bring into your life today? Write it down. Set reminders in your phone to take 5 deep mindful breaths throughout your day. Notice when you are feeling anxious and allow yourself a few minutes to talk yourself through it; what  am I feeling? what am I making it mean? what am I becoming more aware of? what am I learning? what do I really want? 

Mindsight is the effort; that view from the balcony, detached from the ‘waves’, yet observing, noticing, and feeling with curiosity (and not judgement). Mindfulness is the surrender, the exhale, the moments of peace and contentment despite the storm or distractions of daily life. 

This all takes conscious and mindful energy at first, but after a week it will bring insights and awareness into your reality that will surprise, entertain, and comfort you. After a few weeks it won’t take energy, it becomes your new normal, your new reaction, your new way of living, your new perspective on how to show up as your best self. 

So do yourself a favor and commit to setting up reminders around your home, in your phone, or in your most-looked-at-notebooks. 

Happy balance seeking my friends ;) xoxo
 

"Meet Your Happy Chemicals"

My love affair with Happy Chemicals started four years ago. It was around my birthday and I was in a celebratory mood. I was with friends that I love and trust, and we decided to take MDMA and have an adventure. I had never tried this drug before, but was feeling open and excited to have an experience that I had never had before. MDMA acts as a serotonin-norepinephrine-dopamine releasing agent and reuptake inhibitor. This means that not only does it release these happy chemicals that produce a feeling of euphoria and extreme empathy, but also blocks the reuptake so your system is flooded. (In no way am I attempting to glorify this drug but rather am offering this as my anecdotal experience. This is still a drug and not something to take lightly).

A few hours in, I found myself walking through downtown Vancouver on my own, smiling and feeling connected to everyone I passed by and dialing up one friend after another to tell them how much I loved them. I felt superb, elated, free, detached from stress or worry, excited about whatever my future holds, and so in tune with the present moment. This realization compounded into a revelation……I have felt like this before. When I eat well, sleep well, exercise consistently, push outside my comfort zone, engage with inspiring and empowering people, create art and projects that light me up, and am actively supporting people around me…..I feel high on life.

That was the pivotal moment that took me on a journey for the next three years. I was determined to understand my mind and body, and what it takes to create that natural high on a daily basis in a real, healthy, and sustainable way.  I explored, researched, conversed with experts, and practiced tools and knowledge that would allow me to own my courage and my fears, until I had a several steps and systems that released me from my negative habit loops and brought consistent happiness into my daily life. After three years, I took the leap from my Full-Time job to create dope(a)me coaching so I could spread my passion and share my tools with others.

Knowing about these Happy Chemicals, how to create them, how to keep them in balance, and how to recognize when time and attention needs to be spent to elevate them, has been life changing for me and my clients. This is one tool and one piece of knowledge within the dope(a)me strategy. When we actively engage in activities that boost our happy chemicals on a daily basis, along with a few other strategies to let-go of habits, 'stories', and beliefs that hold us back, and create a Mindset for growth, we can increase our Happiness Baseline.

Jonathan Haidt, in The Happiness Hypothesis, speaks of the Happiness Baseline as your set-point, based on your experience, your biology, and your mindset. When something amazing happens, i.e. win the lottery, meet the man/woman of your dreams, get that promotion you’ve been working your ass off for, etc. we have a few days, weeks, or months of increased happiness, but eventually, you dip back down to your Happiness Baseline. And conversely, if the worst happens, I.e. you lose a loved one, you lose a limb, your marriage falls apart, etc., you dive down into the depths of despair, but again, given some time, you find your way back to that Happiness Baseline.

When I learned about the Happiness Baseline, I realized I was not happy with where my baseline sat. I wanted more from my life. I knew the words I used when I talked to myself, the things I focused on, and some of the habits I had, were not conducive to raising my baseline. So I needed to shift a lot in order to increase my overall happiness.

In comes Happy Chemicals. To be the change you want to see in yourself and in the world, you need the motivation, the tools, the path, and the support. Once you are clear on your Core Values, Goals, and the daily and incremental steps to align yourself with who you truly want to be, getting those Happy Chemicals pumping daily will make the journey so much smoother, and a lot more fun.

Loretta G. Breuning, PHD, in her book Meet Your Happy Chemicals, says,

“The feeling we call “happiness” comes from four special brain chemicals: dopamine, endorphin, oxytocin, and serotonin. These “happy chemicals” spurt when your brain sees something good for your survival. Then they turn off, so they’re ready to spurt again when something good crosses your path.”

Here are some basics to get to know your Happy Chemicals…..

Dopamine

From an evolutionary perspective, as hunter and gatherers, life was strenuous and required the exertion of a lot of energy to find the basics for living life. Dopamine is the happy chemical that spurts when you are seeking or working towards something, or when you find something that is good for your survival.

It feels like motivation, energy, and pleasure. It Aids in sleep, memory, being in action, mood, and overall cognitive ability; like learning, attention, and building new habits by forming new neural connections. You can produce this naturally by getting a sweat going daily, setting goals and taking incremental steps to get there, creating a to-do list and checking things off as you go, mindful movement with intentional and focused breath, and creating a constant reason to seek as you collect experiences, resources, knowledge, etc.

Endorphin

This chemical doesn’t play as big of a role in happiness, but rather supports survival by spurting when we step outside our comfort zone to the point of pain. This chemical masks pain and releases a euphoric and blissful feeling, giving you energy to push to a new level of physical exertion.

Evolutionarily speaking, this was what helped our ancestors escape from predators when injured or in need of a burst of energy to move or think quickly. We get spurts of this chemical when we push through the “wall” in physical exercise and has been equated to the “runners high”, or the ability to move large and heavy items in the face of extreme danger that we would normally not be able to budge.

Serotonin

Our ancestors learned quickly that we are stronger and capable of much more when we work together as a unit or tribe. Serotonin is the happy chemical that would spurt when you did something that furthered your integral role within your group. It is the desire for social dominance, respect, and status.

It feels like safety, balance, and confidence. It aids in mood balancing, bowel regulation, and cognitive ability. You can produce it naturally by acknowledging what you are proud of on a daily basis and by acknowledging that your status will continually go up and down and that it is important to focus on the advantages of wherever you are now. Also by engaging in Mindful Movement and aerobic exercise, getting sunshine and fresh air, working on a hobby you are passionate about, actively let go of comparisons, and try something new to continue building skills and open yourself to new opportunities.

Oxytocin

This is the “love” chemical. We have survived because we reproduce. This chemical promotes survival with the desire for social bond, loving relationships, and healthy interactions.

It feels like safety, trust, love, and connection. It is an amnestic hormone, which means it has the ability to wipe out previous neural pathways that lead to past lovers, as well as to forget the pain of child birth. You can create this naturally by listening to soothing music, engaging in meditative breath, laughter, sex, a 20 second hug, connecting with friends or family that you love and admire, or working up a sweat while laughing and connecting with your peers.

These chemicals are all complicated and there is a lot more to know about them than what I have shared. Research is still teaching us lots about how these chemicals work and the various differences that arise within each individual, but what we do know is awe-inspiring and can significantly change the way you live your life if you are mindful of engaging in activities daily to produce them.

Despite their differences they have a lot in common with each other as well. You can produce a combination of them when you engage in the act of gratitude, when you work up a sweat, when you slow down and connect with your breath through Mindful Movement, or when you get fresh air and feel sunshine on your face. When you actively pursue balance and eat foods rich with vitamins and anti-oxidants. The foods we eat are our source of fuel. Eat whole foods and a balanced diet, avoid processed foods and sugars. A good "rule of thumb" that I follow is to ensure that at least 80% of food bought is chosen from the 4 wall perimeter the grocery store.

And then there is Novelty. You can’t get the same beautiful and delicious spurt of happy chemicals by doing the same thing every day. You need to try new things, stay open to new opportunities, learning and growth.

Knowing all of this is one thing, but actually changing habits and retraining your brain to let go of neural pathways that have been there for years, to make way for new pathways that serve you better, takes patience, time, and persistence.

Loretta G. Breuning, PHD, explains,

“Building new circuits in adulthood is like trying to slash a new trail through dense rainforest. Every step takes huge effort, and the new trail disappears into the undergrowth if you don’t use it again soon. Such trail-blazing feels inefficient and downright unsafe when a nice superhighway is nearby. That’s why people tend to stick with the pathways they have.”

This is where support, mindfulness, and clear direction and goals help you stay focused on why you are willing to struggle and persist in your journey. Set yourself up for success by engaging with someone who will support and cheer you on. Whether you reach out to me to learn more and set up a support system, or enroll people in your life already, this is a journey you will be thankful for embarking on. Happy Trail Blazing!

xoxo

marinmccue@gmail.com

Step 1 of "12 Steps to a Whole New Mind"

If you aren't familiar with brandedyyc.com, you now have a reason to check it out! I have been writing articles for them for the past three months, and starting in January, I launched a "12 step" program that will have a new article each month. This is the first article that lays the foundation and will get you pumped for the following 11 articles that build off each other. 

Check it out xox

OUR RESIDENT GOAL COACH, MARIN MCCUE, GIVES US THE FOUNDATION TO HER PROGRAM, 12 STEPS TO A WHOLE NEW MINDSET.

I am a goal setter. I have felt and seen the value added to my life when I get clear on what I want to accomplish while staying true to my core values and big in my dreams. I set clear and tangible goals that excite and push me. I set goals based on emotions and mindset because these are muscles to flex just like any other habit.

What helps me to be truly successful and efficient with my time and energy is the practice of reminding myself that I cannot control the outcome, I can only control my effort. This reminder helps me to detach from the outcome of a goal-set, to ensure that I am guided by how I want to feel and how I want to grow. This stops me from attaching my “reward” solely to that one particular outcome. It seems counter-productive at first, i.e., to get clear and specific with what you want, but then to also detach from that particular outcome to avoid disappointment….but it is so much more than that.

This process is taking into account the fact that we humans are hugely influenced by the chemicals released in our body from moment to moment. When we seek or find something that promotes our survival, we are filled with “happy chemicals” to signal that we have done something good for our longevity; also known as a ‘positive feedback loop.’ We also evolved and survived by being on the constant lookout for danger, and the chemical ‘cortisol’ is our signal of stress or fear, communicating to ourselves that something potentially harmful for our survival is present.

The problem is, we are losing our ability to naturally create the happy chemicals. The result and symptoms of a life driven by cortisol, or the attempted avoidance of it, includes the following: Anti-depressants, quick fixes, fad diets, lack of balance, lack of purpose, loss of direction, loss of self-love, messy priorities, being stuck in comparisons, anger, regret, disillusion, trauma, and the inability to express from the heart.

If you want to see change in the world, change in your relationships, change in your habits, and ultimately, change in your perception of life and happiness, it starts with you.

 Here are some facts to consider. 

*40% of actions taken each day are habitual. (The Power of Habit – Charles Duhigg)

*Up to 95% of what you thought yesterday, you also thought today. (Charles Duhigg)

*Up to 77% of what the average person thinks on a daily basis is negative or self-defeating. (What you Say When you Talk to Yourself – Shad Helmstetter)

When I think about these statistics and notice the common struggles we all share, I see an opportunity for a huge shift within our culture if we could support each other into a place of self-love, resilience, passion, and a deeper understanding of how and why we think what we think and act how we act.

It’s time to take some control back into our own lives by first acknowledging what we actually have control over. So that is what this project is about. For the next 11 articles over the next 11 months, I will take you through my 12 step process to a whole new mind; starting with the Foundation.

We don’t just learn from experience, we learn from reflecting on our experience. So get yourself a nice new notebook and commit to filling it with insights from this year-long monthly article. Take note of your inspiration from your reflections, quotes that resonate deeply, ‘aha’ moments in awareness, tools and ideas to practice, your favourite metaphors, intentions, mantras, questions that you are curious about, etc. Your notebook will become your work space, your inner-motivator, and your map and story of your own inner-evolution.

Foundation

Let’s begin at the foundation. One of my favourite metaphors to use in yoga and coaching is to refer to our innermost beliefs, habits, and core values as the foundation for everything else to grow from. When there is a crack in the foundation, you will get yourself into a position and realize you don’t have the support or stability to handle anything other than calm and mild weather. More often than not, life is anything but calm and mild. It offers all kinds of crazy storms that can shake us to our core. Without a strong foundation, it is no wonder we shut down, avoid, run from fear, or react in harsh or hurtful ways.

Core Values

Your foundation is your big why, your reason for being. A great place to start in understanding and building your foundation is with your core values. When you are clear and connected with your core values, your life aligns with a feeling of passion and purpose. So what are your core values? What brings you joy? How do you want to be remembered (at the end of life but also at the end of every interaction)? What do you stand for? What does a full, balanced, ideal day look and feel like to you?

Once you have a list of 3-6 words that represent how you want to show up in the world, you have found your core values.

Now where in life are you leading with these core values, and where in life are you sacrificing your values to fit the mold that someone else has created (often not knowingly)? Notice what comes up for you. Don’t judge yourself, don’t shame yourself, don’t make this mean more than simply acknowledging where you are at. It is only from this honest and real place that you can create steps to align your life with your values.

Where your mind goes, energy flows

Whatever you focus on, you feed. Whatever you think about, you send energy to. It is as simple as that. If you focus on your struggles, you will surround yourself with that negative energy. If you focus on that random intrusive thought and allow yourself to sit in shame, regret, unease, or guilt, guess what – it only feeds that intrusive thought. We can’t always control where our mind goes, but we can control our reactions.

“We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you…we are in charge of our Attitudes” – Charles R. Swindoll

You are the witness to your thoughts, to that inner chatter. The sooner you can grasp on to the idea that you don’t have to acknowledge every thought that pops into your head, the sooner you will tap into the reservoir of energy that once was wasted on the extreme pendulum swings in your mind. Find balance and calm in the middle. Let that pendulum rest without following every thought down the rabbit hole.

Growth Mindset

One of the key foundational pieces of deep inner change is to understand and perceive life with a growth mindset. This idea, articulated beautifully in the book Mindset by Carol Dweck, is like changing the lens in your glasses and realizing there is whole new world to perceive and experience. A growth mindset is one that views every experience as an opportunity to learn and grow. It puts emphasis on ‘you versus you-yesterday,’ and does not allow for comparisons to other people or to allow the desire to be seen or admired to be ahead of the desire to learn and grow.

When you set a goal with a growth mindset, there is no ‘failure.’ The goal is always to learn, grow, evolve, discover and put forth effort while knowing that your own effort is the only thing you can actually control. A growth mindset is focused on one day at a time, one moment at a time, patiently yet actively pursuing your best self and enjoying the process along the way.

One Word

To capture your commitment, curiosity, and area of opportunity in 2016, my final challenge for you is to choose one word. Rather than a New Year’s Resolution, think simpler and bigger. Write out your goals, get clear on how you want to feel, get excited about what you want to accomplish, and start digging in to figure out which habits need to be shifted, added, or cut out completely.

Reflect back on 2015. What are you proud of? Where did you show courage? What did growth look like? Now, what does growth look like for 2016? Knowing that whatever you focus on, you will create more of. What one word captures how you want to show up this year? What word will drive you to evolve, develop, and discover more about yourself?

The One Word modus operandi comes from the website www.oneword365.com, and has been my inspiration for the last three years. I have learned, practiced, and uncovered more in the past three years while focusing on one word at the foundation than I have in my entire life. My challenge for you is to choose your one word, and if you are a social media lover, post about it with the hashtag #myword2016 with a write-up about why. Encourage your circles of influence to do the same. Lead by example, pursue your best life with purpose and passion, and inspire those around you by simply becoming more of your true self.

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen” – Brene Brown

Book Recommendations:

Mindset by Carol Dweck

The Untethered Soul by Michael A Singer

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

Black Swan's

One of the book's that I have enjoyed reading, dissecting, and bringing up in conversation's is Nassim Taleb's, Black Swan.

A Black Swan is a highly improbable event with three principal characteristics:

1. It is unpredictable.

2. It carries a massive impact.

3. After the fact, we concoct an explanation that makes it appear less random and more predictable than it was.

Sound familiar?

"I should've known he was going to cheat on me the moment I had that feeling"

"I knew today was going to be the last time I saw her face, I felt it in my gut"

"I knew I shouldn't have trusted my friend Sally, she's so impulsive. I should've seen this coming"

What I love about this explanation of the unpredictable and life-altering events is that it reminds us that we cannot control what happens to us, we cannot control the outcome, we truly can only control our OWN EFFORT. Shit happens! Take out the guilt, the blame, the what-ifs, the "shoulds", and we are left with raw and vulnerable effort that allows us to learn from experience and edit as we go. Being mindful and embodying self-awareness does not imply perfection - far from actually. I think of mindfulness as my ability to be able to call myself out on my own bullshit or to notice habits or thoughts that are not doing me any good. When we take out the unnecessary wasted time and energy on negativity, we leave space open for growth, learning,  healing, and creativity. A stressed out mind is not a suitable environment for learning or healing. So let go. Get your body moving and get yourself into action. 

Here are three tips to support you in embracing the uncertainty while moving fluidly in your desired direction:

1. Set Goals! Set goals that send you in the direction of growth, excitement, passion, and discovery. Set goals that build strength and resilience by getting into action, embracing the experience for what it is, and then reflecting of how you feel and what tweaks you need to make to set yourself up for success tomorrow. 

2. Know your mind! Understand your Mind and Body and how to use both to your advantage. Our mind and body needs movement to stay balanced and to have access to nutrients and chemicals that support growth and resilience to stress. Get yourself into a regular exercise regimen because your brain needs it.

3. Detach! Detach from the outcome, detach from your last exhale, detach from the stories that hold you back, detach from the beliefs that keep you small and scared, and detach from the people or environments that feel toxic. Be open to opportunities to learn and connect with new people, and remind yourself daily to be mindful as you flow through life. 

Each moment is practice for the next moment. And practice makes perfect practice. Set yourself up with reminders. Repeat what you need to hear. Repetition allows you to build up the ability to have access to these tools when you need them most. Trust that there is always more to learn and always something to let go of. Now is a good time to start.

If you would like to learn more or are interested in setting up some support and accountability, reach out to me. I would love to hear from you, marinmccue@gmail.com

xoxox

Word of the Year Workshop

It is amazing to me to reflect on this past year and acknowledge how much I have accomplished and progressed. When I started this dope(a)me journey at the beginning of 2015, I was led by hope, passion, grit, and a desire to leave my unique mark on the world. Last night's workshop was one more big step towards my goal of supporting and elevating the happiness, passion, and motivation of those around me. When we have a clear WHY, a solid foundation of Self through Core Values, a support system or community to lean on and learn with, a deeper understanding of why and how your mind works, and tools in your tool-belt for creating change and developing new healthy habits.....anything is possible. 

We hold ourselves back due to negative self-talk habits, due to holding on to past trauma or "failures", and due to lacking the ideal know-how and discipline on our health. As one of the participants in last night's workshop pointed out, when your health is not taken care of - everything else suffers. Make yourself the priority. Get your health and self-love back on track, and it is amazing how everything else starts to fall into place. 

Here are a few pictures from last night. Thanks to everyone who came out. You are brave, passionate, open, and fun-loving people, and I am honored to call you all my friends. 

Stay tuned for more workshops coming up. Reach out if you have questions or want to set up a special workshop for your friends, family, or co-workers. <3

marinmccue@gmail.com

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should

I am always learning. The more I commit to the journey and to allowing myself to falter and slip in order to ensure I am leaning in wholeheartedly, the more I grow. This past month has been another big step forward as I recognize the preference pattern of saying YES because I can, before taking time to align with my core values and check in with my balance. I have a tendency to get excited and swept up by a challenge that intrigues my interest. I say Yes even when I know that my balance is at stake, simply because I love to support, I love to collaborate, and I love to grow. But as you all know, too much of a good thing is no longer a good thing. 

My latest venture has been the beginning phases of planning to open a Yoga and Wellness studio in 2016. This makes me uber excited. It is a huge undertaking but something I know I will succeed at. However, I also love teaching spin, I love teaching yoga, I love practicing yoga on my own, I love coaching clients, I love creating and hosting events, I love having time available to collaborate and piggy-back on other amazing people's ideas and events, I love to read and write, and I love having me-time to do whatever I want. 

My core values are Fun, Sweat, Inspire, Learn, and Create....and I think the universal core values we all share is Balance. When I put my ego aside, when I set aside what I am capable of and get more clear on what I actually want, it becomes clear that opening and managing a full studio space does not align with what I want for my life. I could do it, I could run that full marathon, I could go full vegan, I could travel the world, I could...I could...I could.....but that doesn't mean that is what I "should" do. I get to choose. I create my own life. I dictate the path and edit along as I go. 

My original vision for a yoga studio space was to set it up in a way that everyone involved manages themselves. I want space to practice and teach and host workshops, and I want to be someone that supports others like me to take on their own space and build their community and clientele. So, I am realigning with that original vision and scaling down from where that momentum and excited energy carried me. 

I love exploring the possibilities and feeling for the edges of the extremes before I can truly settle and realign in the middle. I am committed to balance. I have a deep rooted desire to have space to continue learning and growing and to become the best coach, motivator, and yogi that I can be, and sometimes that will mean saying No to things that could be beautiful. Just because I can, doesn't mean I should. Amazing lesson to re-learn at the start of a new year ;)

Create your own DayPlanner

Hey everyone,

I have been going back and forth playing with ideas of when and how to host a workshop about creating your own inspiring 2016 dayplanner. This is something that I have loved doing the past couple of years, and am so excited to share and hear what other fun and creative ideas you all have. To keep this accessible and in the spirit of giving, I have decided to create this as a free tutorial through my blog. Whether you are making one of these for yourself or for someone in your life, you can be selective and intentional with the spacing, the amount of Q&A, the addition of color or pictures, quotes, reminders, etc. This is yours to make however you want.

With that said, here is my basic outline that you can modify, expand, reduce, or shift entirely. 

1. Get a notebook with at least 100 pages. Depending on how thick of a notebook you buy, you can have one whole page per day of the year, or half a page per day (as I did below).

2. On the first page, leave space for some Goals, for your word of the year, for any initial words of motivation or inspiration behind the creation of this dayplanner.

3. Decide if you want space for weekly reflection and/or monthly reflection. This could be one or two pages at the end/start of each week and one to two pages for reflection and re-setting your focus at the end or start of each month.

4. You could take this a step further and have prompts, quotes, reminders, and space for learnings or 'top priorities' for each day.

5. Once you have your basic skeleton set for creating the day planner, start adding in the dates and spacing out the reflection prompts as you see fit. Take this part somewhat slow, there are a lot of dates to fill in, so maybe do one month, double check the spacing and ensure you have the dates correct before you move on. You will get into a rhythm and get all the dates and reflection Questions written a lot quicker than it seems you will. 

6. Your reflection prompts could be anything that you think will support you in developing the habit of slowing down to reflect on your day, your week, or your month to gather your learnings and notice what you notice. I find it helpful to have reminders throughout to let-go of failures, of missteps, of imperfections, and to embrace the journey, embrace a Growth Mindset, embrace the moment, etc. Use language that resonates with you. Choose prompts and questions that will spark curiosity and remind you of what truly matters. 

7. If it tickles your fancy to add color, pictures, random lists of what you are curious about or maybe a Bucket List to add to as the year goes on, then do that! Let this dayplanner be a book of play, fun, intrigue, passion, attraction, ideas, or whatever else you want to explore. 

I would love to see what you create. Please take a picture and post on social media. Tag me (@malymc13) or send me a note to check it out. And reach out if you have any questions or want to engage as you work through this process. 

**And for more about creating a Word of the Year, come to my workshop on Sunday January 3 from 7-9pm at The Village (4039 Brentwood Road NW). We will dive deep into 2015 reflection and learnings, gain direction and set goals for 2016, and nail down a word of the year and put it on canvas - that embodies how you want to show up and what you are committed to. Reach out to register or check out more details in the Workshops tab on this website. 

Have fun and Merry Christmas xoxo

Embracing the Shadows

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious" - Carl Jung

A good friend, mentor, and teacher of mine was sharing some deep insights she has become aware of over the last few days. She has been struggling with her partner for several weeks now, and has been stuck in the uncertainty of which direction to take. After an honest, hard, and raw conversation with her lover, she came to realize that some of her shadows had clouded her judgement and had created obstacles in the way of relating and connecting. 

This conversation sparked some deep inquiry of my own. I had lost sight of my own shadows and had been surprised and flustered this past week when someone close to me pointed some of them out in a blunt way. I am a strong, driven, energetic, and lover-of-learning kind of lady! I love a challenge because it supports my growth and keeps me humble. However, I felt blindsided when it came to my attention that my good intentions were being perceived in a way that was causing more harm than good. This feedback triggered some major hurt and sadness as I was a wee-bit heart broken to hear that my fun-loving and eager attitude was negatively effecting someone in my life that I want nothing more than to help. 

Being the coach and the committed Growth Mindset person that I am, I allowed myself to sit in this sadness and get real with what was going on inside me. I came to realize that I was triggered because, first of all, there was truth in what was said to me. I knew I had come across as too eager to help and impatient in my words. I knew that when it comes to family, boundaries are crossed and I often overstep into coaching before I get permission to do so. I had to sit with this, as uncomfortable and aggravating as it was, because that is the only way to truly let it go and allow growth and expansion. 

I also realized that I need to ask for permission and offer invitations for support rather than assuming I know what's best for my family and friends. This is so hard to do when someone close to me is struggling, but I know now that when boundaries are crossed without permission, walls go up and words won't land, no matter how brilliant I think my advice can be.  

The biggest takeaway from this experience was to begin more of an inquiry regarding my shadow side. Everything casts a shadow. 

One of my favorite philosophers on this subject is the brilliant Carl Jung. He said, "Unless you learn to face your own shadows, you will continue to see them in others, because the world outside you is only a reflection of the world inside you."

We must look internally before we attempt to change or support the external. Knowing ourselves makes it possible to know others. And knowing ourselves is different than judging ourselves. No one is perfect. Nothing is perfect. It is important to acknowledge and embrace our shadow just as much as we acknowledge and embrace our light or our strengths. The only way to truly change and grow is to first be real and honest about where you are right now, the good, the bad, the light, and the dark. To observe without judging.  

In the book "Big Magic", Elizabeth Gilbert says, "If you love and want something enough - whatever it is - then you don't really mind eating the shit sandwich that comes with it." 

Without the shadow, we have no depth. Anything with substance, anything worth working for, anything capable of change, all comes with a shadow. So get to know yours. Get curious. Notice it. Acknowledge its presence and its potential power. That is the only way to bring the power back to the light.

Happy shadow hunting my friends xoxox

Embrace your evolUtion

The word evolution has been on my mind a lot lately. I am using it as the title for some big writing series that I am embarking on in 2016, as well as playing with it as the name of the yoga studio I am in the works of opening next year. I have been using it as a theme in my yoga classes, and I have also found strength in my daily mind-mapping when I bring evolution into the mix. 

What stands out in my memory in regards to the introduction of evolution in my life is a few years ago when I started to paint, a lot. After I "retired" from playing basketball, I discovered painting as a therapeutic and fun activity. I started with simple images and then moved into more abstract with a philosophical tone and title and then began exploring faces and "Dr. Seuss-esque" landscapes. I spent a couple of years painting and exploring new styles and new themes, allowing whatever grabbed my attention to become my focus. I created over 50 paintings and have sold approximately 30. My dad made a few comments during this time period that he really enjoyed watching the evolution of my painting. It seemed like a funny comment at first, but then he said it a couple more times and I began to understand and appreciate the depth that brought into my awareness. 

The evolution of my work was seen first by those on the outside looking in. I hadn't picked up on seeing how each painting supported the creation of the next one in line. I was so dedicated and engaged by this process that I didn't realize I was getting stronger and learning from the painting that came before. 

I started dope(a)me in February 2015, and I have dedicated every single day since then to my evolution. I learn from my struggles, I lean on the edge of my comfort zone and occasionally take big leaps outside those lines, I take feedback and learn from my set-backs, I challenge myself to continue learning, growing, and ultimately, evolving. 

I think a big part of evolution is staying open and receptive to each moment. I never know where my next client will come from, or who will be my next collaborator, or what words I speak in yoga will resonate deeply with someone in class, or whether what is on my mind will reach and support my social media community - and that's ok. I can only control my effort, not the outcome. I do not know where I will be five years from now. I have goals, and dreams, and aspirations, and ideas, and I plan to put in the effort and have as much fun along the way as possible. In the end, evolution happens regardless of effort, but when you live with Intention, direction, and continue feeding and fueling your mind and body, chances are you will be much happier with where your evolution takes you. 

Something I brought into my yoga class at Samadhi yesterday (Sunday) morning was what I believe to be the three keys to understanding and leading the evolution in your own life. They are:

1. Acknowledge and embrace where you are and set an Intention/Purpose/Why to direct and guide your energy. 

2. Trust your breath, and trust the process. Trust that if you are grounded in your foundation, there will be growth. 

3. Reflect and Edit as you go.

Simple yet complex. Get your foundation set, acknowledge where you are without judgement or shame or "should's", gain clarity in your direction by knowing your WHY, your PURPOSE, and your INTENTION. And then get moving. Stay open and receptive as you go, ready to edit, tweak, adjust, shift, learn, and grow. 

Take on your evolution!

Turn those lemons into the best lemonade cocktail you've ever made

The last couple of weeks have been heavy. I resonate with the word 'heavy' because I feel as though I have been carrying more weight on my shoulders and in my mind. I am so worried and sad for someone close to me who is struggling with finding the energy and the desire to make the changes necessary to live a full, happy, and healthy life. 

I feel as though my emotions have been swinging from one extreme to the other. I empathize and feel so strongly for this person that I become consumed and anchored in a place of darkness and sadness, and then I let that go and remind myself that I need to take care of me and focus on my passion, purpose, and desire to live my full, happy, and healthy life. Each day I feel like the swing of the pendulum is becoming less extreme and slowly finding the edges of my balance point. Of course I will still empathize and feel for this person, but I also need to remind myself that I cannot fix or do the work for him. I can only express love and lead by example. 

Amidst the struggle, the grief, and the raw vulnerability, I have also learned more about myself and used this as an opportunity for some deep introspection and re-calibration in what I am doing with my life.  

Here are some things that I have discovered, explored, and created through this process so far....

1 -  A deeper connection to those I have leaned on over the past couple of weeks

2 - I have been studying and thinking a lot lately about Emotional Reactions. Feeling, expressing, and releasing emotions is vital for inner-wellness and emotional health, but getting caught up in the reaction and feeding the emotional ups and downs is a sure-fire way to find yourself in an emotional rut. 

On Monday night I was hit with some anxiety as I was trying to sleep. I kept noticing my mind floating off in one random direction after another. Naturally, I began to feel a bit of anxiety creep in as I thought about wanting to sleep but my mind kept following one trail of thought onto the next (plus, Tuesday is my 6am spin class so I knew I had an alarm set for an early morning). I have become practiced at noticing these thought patterns and taking a "step back" to align myself with the witness behind the scenes; the higher Self behind thoughts and emotions; the ever-steady and simple Self that observes and notices. 

I experienced a beautiful moment as I turned inward and pictured my emotional reactions as that pendulum swinging vigorously off into a direction that I didn't want to go. I knew I had a choice and I chose to observe, to witness, and to detach from the turmoil that was building in my mind. In that moment, I felt myself ground down in a seat of stillness and silence for approximately 10 seconds, at which point the chatter started back up but with the tone of awe, inspiration, excitement, and a new level of awareness that I had not experienced before. 

3 - I have also spent the last couple of weeks saying YES to some big leaps and big goals. Not only am I hosting 4 workshops in the next 4 weeks, I have also started the process of opening my own yoga studio and collaborating on big and fun projects with powerful and inspiring people in my life. 

4 - Finally, this morning was a new turning point for me. I met with my good friend, fellor motivator, and mentor Andrew Obrecht to catch up and talk about exciting plans for 2016. Andrew supports me in so many ways and often helps me see the first few steps I need to consider before I spend too much time on step 4, 5, or 6. I also read a beautiful article written by my friend, fellow yyc cycle motivator, and founder/CEO of Branded Magazine and It's Date Night. She is busy - and that is an understatement. Mandy recently went to New York to simply get away and reconnect with herself. She ended up re-finding her Passion, Purpose, and ultimately, her WHY behind what motivated her to create everything that she has created. (Here is the article)

http://brandedyyc.com/what-i-found-in-a-new-york-minute/

So, I have taken some time this afternoon to revisit my Purpose, my Passion, and my WHY. It is amazing how inner inquiry can bring out so much energy and new, uncluttered breath into the equation. I have reset my foundation and discovered more about what I truly want to do and what mark I want to leave on this world. 

Here it is, my latest unveiling of my WHY:

Call me a curator of curiosity, connection, courage, and conversation.

Call me a promoter of passion, purpose, and pleasure. 

Call me a motivator through mindful movement, music, and motion.

I am a leader in my own life. I choose my path every day. I am committed to growth, playing big, and letting go of what does not serve me.

But first and foremost, I am here to spread love for life by leading by example.

So there it is. My new found clarity and reminder of how I want to show up every damn day. I can only control my effort, not the outcome. I am committed to being the absolutely best me possible, and I hope to inspire, support, elevate, and teach as many people as possible along the way.