What are you learning from your Struggle?

I am deep in struggle. It is not my struggle per se, but rather a close family member that I am deeply effected by through my desire to help, fix, support, express love, and anything else to help him see a different way to live life (versus give up and end his life). 

I know we learn most from our fears and struggles. They are moments to dig in, uncover past hurt and stories, build resilience, expand your perspective, create deeper connections to those you care for, and discover strength that you did not know you had. That doesn't make it any easier, but at least it brings purpose and meaning into the moments that feel the darkest and most desperate. 

In the moments that I feel the most lost or broken, I remind myself that I can only control my effort, I cannot control the outcome. The uncertainty that surrounds struggle can be almost all consuming. Reminding myself that my body and mind reacts to the chemicals that are being released, and uncertainty releases cortisol, does not mean that I need to get wound up or focus and feed that coritsol by paying attention to it. I can feel it and I express it when I need to, but always with a growth mindset and a deeper understanding of the physiological process. 

I have lost track of where I first heard this quote, but to paraphrase, 

"It is ok to piss and moan but always do it with at least a little bit of perspective" - Unknown

Life can be tough. Good and not-so-good surprises can feel like the ground being ripped from under you. The people we love will struggle, get hurt, and as life goes on we will be visited by death at an increasing frequency. Avoiding or wishing things were different doesn't help anyone and only hurts you more in the end. 

I think about death at least once every day. What used to paralyze and frighten me, now is that raw reminder to embrace life, to play big, to not live in regret or "shoulds" or "what-ifs", to focus my energy on creating and growing, and to live each day like it is my last. I don't advocate for extreme behavior, but rather a balanced and steady mindset that allows mindfulness, play, love, effort, and surrender.  

I know it will take time and patience to continue my development and to support those around me as they pursue and explore their journey's. I have found solace on my yoga mat, putting pen to paper, engaging in activities that allow me to create, and taking bold steps towards the goals and actions that fuel and excite me. Get clear on what bring's you solace and motivation, and open up about your struggles and dreams. We are in this together. xo

The process of Integration

One of my favorite things to do is to reflect back on notes I have taken over the past few weeks, months, or years, including the notes taken from books I keep in my Book Journals. I spend time connecting dots between theories and my learned experience. I create flow charts and lists with my own metaphors and theories to practice and play with. The integration of my knowledge, my curiosities, and my experience cultivates into a beautiful picture that becomes simpler and more impactful each time I engage in this activity. As someone who is committed to learning and growth, this is an important part of my process. 

This blog post is my creative process In preparation for the amount of writing I am committed to submitting to Branded Magazine (for online and soon-to-be in Print) for the next 14 months, and the quality, simplicity, and clarity that I want it to embody.

So today I want to share with you what integration looks like and the questions I ask myself as I piece things together. I don't know what this will look like yet and am excited to read the finished product, as I hope you will be too.

So here goes...

I have flipped through my notebooks and Book Journals to pull the quotes and concepts that are standing out to me today, and organize that into a type of flow chart, starting at the foundation and working up towards enlightenment as your best-Self - whatever you experience enlightenment as will be your own unique experience.  

Foundation:

Start with Why - Why are you committed to this journey? What is your purpose? What are you curious about? What is the fuel behind your desire for change? Know your highest strengths and deploy them in the service of something much greater than you. 

You've got to want something, and know why you want it, or you'll end up giving up too easily...The power of the why is what gets you to stick through the grueling, mundane, and laborious...Everything in your life exists because you first made a choice about something" - Darren Hardy (The Compound Effect)

Align with you Core Values - get clear on what fills you with joy, what brings balance, what inspires you. and how you want to feel at the end of each day. These are you Core Values.

"Nothing creates more stress that when our actions and behavior's aren't congruent with our values" - Darren Hardy 

Live with Intention and Direction. Pay attention to what you notice. Observe how you react. Be curious about your habits, your triggers, and your self-talk.

"When we are on auto-pilot, our awareness "believes" what it perceives. There is no mindsight, and our state-dependent perceptions, emotional reactions, beliefs, and behavioral responses are felt to be justified, equated with absolute reality, not discerned as just activities of the mind" -Daniel Siegal (Mindsight)

What do you believe about life and about yourself? What do your negative self-talk patterns illustrate about what you believe? Why do you believe that? Is it true? Could you choose a new belief that is more empowering, self-loving, and inspiring? Guess what, you have the power and the right to choose your own beliefs. If you are no longer fueled by a belief you have held onto, it's time to change it. 

"What you believe tends to determine how you behave toward others. Your behavior tends to influence the quality of the relationships you have with others, which affects their behavior. This, of course, influences the results you obtain from these people. In turn, the results usually reinforce your belief in the correctness of your beliefs"  - Thomas Crane (The Heart of Coaching) 

Be prepared for finding the cracks in your foundation as some beliefs you discover are no longer serving or true for you. It can feel like the ground is ripped from beneath your feet. But just as is the case for all tremendous struggle, you will get through it, nothing lasts forever, and it will make you stronger and wiser in the end. 

"Tremendous fear and turmoil can open up inside of you simply because something is not the way you thought it was. It shakes you to the core of your being because it challenges the house of thoughts in which you are dwelling." - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

Who do you spend time with? Surround yourself with greatness, with inspiration, with people and ideas that support who you truly are versus who you have been told to be. Be intentional with who you choose to spend time with.

"You cannot hang around negative people and expect to live a positive life" - Darren Hardy

Staying curious and spending time reading, conversing, and writing on the topic of Mind-Power and Self-development is such an empowering way to live. But don't forget the other basic building blocks that will fuel your journey and keep you grounded. When there's a crack in the foundation, the whole structure is compromised.

• Get REST! Take time to rest your body. Laying on the couch watching tv is not as restful as you convince yourself it is. Get your 6-8 hours of sleep. Create space in your day for some 'me-time'. Rest your body and rest your mind. 
• Meditate - or move your body in Mindful Movement following your breath - hello yoga ;). 
• Mindful Eating 
• SWEAT

And staying on top of these 'building blocks' provides easy access to natural Happy Chemicals on the daily. Positive Feedback loops are the best.

"It is our hypocrisy and self-focus that drains us. When we become purpose-centered, internally directed, others-focused, and externally open, we discover energy we didn't know we had" - Robert E Quinn (Building the Bridge as You Walk on it)

Creation:

Develop a Growth Mindset.

"The Growth Mindset allows people to love what they're doing - and to continue to love it in the face of difficulties.... [It also allows people to] value what they're doing regardless of the outcome. They're tackling problems, charting new courses, working on important issues" Carol Dweck (Mindset)

There is no failure when the goal is to learn, grow, explore, expand, and discover. You have to start somewhere, so acknowledge where you are, and commit to growth. Let go of comparisons, let go of wishing you were already past being a beginner, let go of "shoulds", regrets, and "what-ifs". Love your journey and focus on what you are learning. 

"Maybe it's not the case that any person can be anything, but it is still true that within certain parameters, people can learn and grow. For those who have a Growth Mindset, failures may sting but they are also viewed as opportunities for improvement and change" - Meg Jay (The Defining Decade)

Set some Goals and get moving. Know that you learn best through experience and you attract the energy that you exude.

"You reap what you sow; you can't get out of life what you're not willing to put into it. If you want more love, give more love. If you want greater success, help others achieve more. And when you study and master the science of achievement, you will find the success you desire" - Darren Hardy (The Compound Effect)

Learn from experience.

"What we know from past experience is an asset, but what leads to successful transformation is our capacity to learn in real time. While knowledge is useful, learning is essential" - Robert E Quinn )Building the Bridge as You Walk on it)

Set yourself up for success by learning about your body and mind. What foods fuel you? What activities allow time to fly by? What makes you feel great and what makes you feel deflated? Pay attention. Observe without judgement and stay curious. 

"What looks like resistance is often a lack of clarity" - Dan & Chip Heath (Switch)

Know your Fears. Fear is a learned behavior and is amplified the more you focus on it. Where your mind goes, energy flows. Change your perception of fear by reading about it, talking about it, and observing your own fear while choosing to act in accordance to your Core Values or Intention of that day. 

"Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. Remember this rule of thumb: The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it" - Steven Pressfield (The War of Art)

"You can do one of two things with fear: you can recognize that you have it and work to release it, or you can keep it and try to hide from it" - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

Trust that you have the strength, the resilience, and the determination to continue down your chosen path, and to make the sharp turns, tweaks, and edits as you travel. 

"We must trust in our vision enough to start our journey into the chasm of uncertainty, believing that the resources will appear...It is this initial step of trusting ourselves that is the most difficult" - Robert E Quinn (Building the Bridge as You Walk on it)

40% of the activities you engage in today are habits. 95% of what you think today, you also thought yesterday. We are creatures of habit and our mind is one mass of learned behaviors. 

"The brain acts as an "anticipation machine" that continually prepares itself for the future based on what has happened in the past. Memories shape our current perceptions by creating a filter through which we automatically anticipate what will happen next: - Daniel Siegal (Mindsight)

Know your Happy Chemicals and engage in activities daily that produce them.

"The feeling we call 'happiness' comes from four special brain chemicals: dopamine, endorphin, oxytocin, and serotonin. These happy chemicals spurt when your brain sees something good for your survival. Then they turn off, so they're ready to spurt again when something good crosses your path...Each of the happy chemicals motivates a different type of survival behavior" - Loretta Breuning (Meet Your Happy Chemicals)

"Life isn't as great or as awful as it feels right now. That's just the hormones talking" - Steven Johnson (Mind Wide Open)

With knowledge comes power. There is so much to learn and comprehend within our own bodies, not to mention the vast world outside of us. Just like anything else, if you focus on what you don't know and how far you have to go in your journey, you are bringing a load of cortisol into the equation that doesn't need to be there and which does nothing good for your energy, motivation, or brain capacity. 

"If you can sit through these urges [to follow the emotional pendulum swings of our attention being pulled and pushed in various directions], you will see what caused them. If you can get comfortable with what you see, you will face the next layer of causation, and so on, layer upon layer" - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

"Developing the lens that enables us to see the mind more clearly stimulates the brain to grow important new connections" - Daniel Siegal (Mindsight)

"We are born for meaning, not pleasure, unless it is pleasure steeped in meaning" - Jacob Needleman

Elevation:

Keep moving, growing, practicing, playing, exploring, and pushing outside of your comfort zone on a daily basis.

"I'ts not the big things that add up in the end; it's the hundreds, thousands, or millions of little things that separate the ordinary from the extraordinary...The magic is in the doing of simple things repeatedly and long enough to ignite the miracle of the Compound Effect" - Darren Hardy

What if I fail? What if I get into a situation that is over my head? What if I look stupid? 

"A new quest, even one that is ultimately successful, is going to involve failure. You need to create the expectation of failure - not the failure of the mission itself, but failure en route" - Dan & Chip Heath (Switch)

Be a do-er

"Inaction breeds fear and doubt. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy" - Dale Carnegie

"It's like you learn to swim by swimming. You learn courage by couraging" - Brene Brown (The Gifts of Imperfection)

Embrace Vulnerability. When you show up, play big, lead with love and courage, it gives permission and inspiration to those around you to do the same. 

"Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path...Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness" - Brene Brown (Daring Greatly)

Speak your truth and provide context for those you are interacting with.

"The best way to handle your own awkwardness or inarticulateness during an encounter is to admit openly and respectfully ask for the patience and forbearance of others" - Thomas Crane (The Heart of Coaching)

Embrace Uncertainty. Our body reacts to uncertainty the same way it reacts to a physical threat to our survival. It is important to stay curious and observe this reaction for what it is, just a thought, just a habitual reaction. You get to choose in each moment how you show up and how you engage with the world and with yourself. When you live aligned with your Core Values, you will see uncertainty as a beautiful possibility and an opportunity to grow and learn more about yourself. 

"Uncertainty registers as an error, gap, or tension: something that must be corrected before one can feel comfortable again...Not knowing what will happen next can be profoundly debilitating because it requires extra neural energy. this diminishes memory, undermines performance, and disengages people from the present" - David Rock (Managing with the Brain in Mind)

Stay Open and receptive. Ready to learn and grow and experience whatever life offers each moment.

"Openness implies that we are receptive to whatever comes to our awareness and don't cling to preconceived ideas about how things "should" be. We let go of expectations and receive things as they are, rather than trying to make them how we want them to be. Openness enables us to sense things clearly. It gives us the power to recognize restrictive judgments and release our minds from their grip" - Daniel Siegal (Mindsight)

Develop Shame-resilience.

"Shame breeds fear. It crushes our tolerance for vulnerability, thereby killing engagement, innovation, creativity, productivity, and trust...Shame works like termites in a house. It's hidden in the dark behind the walls and constantly eating away at our infrastructure, until one day the stairs suddenly crumble" - Brene Brown (Daring Greatly)

No one determines your self-worth except for you. When we feel rejected, our body registers that as physical pain. We had a deep-rooted "need" to be accepted and loved. Learn to love yourself. Learn to be proud of your courage and your passions. Allow yourself to feel pain and feel disappointed when you don't show up the way you know you can, but then let it go. Don't waste your precious energy on thinking you know what other people are thinking. You decide your self-worth.

"When our self-worth isn't on the line, we are far more willing to be courageous and risk sharing our raw talents and gifts...Don't try to win over the haters; you're not the jackass whisperer" - Brene Brown (Daring Greatly)

Play big. Let go of thinking that you are protecting yourself by avoiding things that scare you. 

"Your mind is constantly telling you to get back into your comfort zone. This zone is finite. All attempts to stay within it keep you finite. Going beyond always means letting go o the effort to keep things within your defined limits" - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

Each day is different and various opportunities will be offered for you to explore and push yourself in. Our comfort zone isn't all that comfortable anyways. It keeps us confined, it keeps us small. It has the illusion of keeping us safe, but change is constant and the world will keep moving and growing regardless of whether we embrace this beautiful evolution or not. So choose growth. Your mind and body can get used to anything, you just have to lean into the initial discomfort. When we cling to comfort and safety, we end up losing precisely what we seek. 

"...in our comfort zone we can only imitate what which has been done in the past. We cannot integrate the unique self with the emerging realities of the present" - Robert E Quinn (Building the Bridge as You Walk on it)

As you experience new things and allow neurons to fire in new pairings, you are retraining your brain and developing new ways to engage with the world.

"So there are two ways to live: you can devote your life to staying in your comfort zone, or you can work on your freedom. In other words, you can devote your whole life to the process of making sure everything fits within your limited model, or you can devote your life to freeing yourself from the limits of your model" - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

"Neuroplasticity is the term used to describe the capacity for creating new neural connection and growing new neurons in response to experience" - Daniel Siegal (Mindsight)

"True personal growth is about transcending the part of you that is not okay and needs protection. This is done by constantly remembering that you are the one inside that notices the voice talking" - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

 

Integration:

Balance in all things.

"All the great teachings reveal the way of the center, the way of balance. Constantly look to see if that's where you are living or if you are lost in the extremes. The extremes create their opposites; the wise avoid them. Find the balance in the center and you will live in harmony" - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

What looks like balance today or in this moment, is not necessarily what balance looks like tomorrow, or in the next moment.

"The balance point is not static; it's a dynamic equilibrium . You move from balance point to balance point, from center to center" - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

Too much of a good thing becomes toxic. Effort and Surrender. Slow and sustainable progression, with bumps, curves, ups and downs, and occasional change of flight trajectory altogether. 

"It's not efficient to oscillate around the path. To be efficient, you must center all of your energies on the path. if you do this, the energies that used to wasted swinging sideways will get pulled into the center. This concentration of energies is used to accomplish the given task much more efficiently" - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

Choose your battles. You do not have unlimited energy or time. 

"Relieve your mind of the job of making sure that everyone and everything will be the way you need them to be so that you can feel better inside. Your mind is not qualified for the job. Fire it, and let go of your inner-problems instead" - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

Embrace Change

"The natural ups and downs of life can either generate personal growth or create personal fears. Which of these dominates is completely dependent upon how we view change. Change can be viewed as either exciting or frightening, but regardless of how we view it, we must all face the fact that change is the very nature of life" - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

Develop your Mindfulness muscle. 

"Being present to the way things are is not the same as accepting things as they are...it simply means, being present without resistance: being present to what is happening and present to your reactions, no matter how intense" - Rosamund and Benjamin Zander (The Art of Possibility)

"Be an explorer. Witness it and then it will go. If you don't get absorbed in it, the experience will soon pass and something else will come up. Just enjoy all of it. If you can do this, you will be free, and a world of pure energy will open up within you? - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

What's your Story? We learn and remember through story. We tend to think of ourselves as the main character within our own story. But that's just it, it's all story. We rarely have all the information needed to make an objective call or to have an absolute opinion or clear understanding of all of the factors involved. Regardless, we need to comprehend our own life and surroundings so we go along with our story without realizing the power our perception and choice of words has on our own well-being and mindset. Write out your story. Where do you take power away from yourself? Where do you misuse or fall victim to the concepts of regret, fear, disappointment, anger, or other cortisol driven ways of being? 

"Owning your story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we'll ever do...But I know that it takes more than courage to own your story. We own our stories so we don't spend our lives being defined by them or denying them. And while the journey is long and difficult at times, it is the path to living a more whole-hearted life" - Brene Brown (Rising Strong)

Lead by example in life and know that you can only control your effort, not the outcome. When it comes to the people closest to you in your life, you may out-grow them. But don't stress about it, don't predict it, don't try to fix the people around you whatsoever. Those who want support will ask for it. And if you are fully focused on your own self-work, you will have a tribe of people coming along with you or unknowingly waiting for your arrival.

"You don't change people, you change the relationship" - Rosamund  and Benjamin Zander (The Art of Possibiity)

"You have to be willing to give 100% with zero expectations of receiving anything in return" - Darren Hardy

Keep learning, practicing, and creating your own unique journey towards your best-self. No one can do it for you. You must experience life for yourself and develop your mind and body with patience, love, acceptance, and joy. 

"The more you use your brain, the more brain you will have to use" - George Dorsey

"The future isn't written in the stars. There are no guarantees. So claim your adulthood. Be intentional. Get to work. Pick your own certainty. Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do" - Meg Jay (The defining Decade)

Enlightenment

Whatever this means to you. I do not believe this is a destination, but rather a dynamic and ever-elusive way of being that you can potentially experience one moment and lose sight of the next moment. After years of practicing balance between effort and surrender & fear and desire, while embracing observation without judgment, intimacy without attachment, a growth mindset, mindfulness and mindsight, and practicing balanced nutrition and exercise - only then will enlightenment become truly attainable. But that is just an educated guess. ;) 

"...enjoy life instead of clinging to it or pushing it away" - Micheal Singer (The Untethered Soul)

"Uncovering memory and meaning are never over until life is over" - unkown

"Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue" - Victor Frankl (Man's Search for Meaning)

Alright, that felt good to work through all of that and see it written and ready for reflection and learning. Everything is just a springboard into the next step, the next phase, the continued progression towards growth and evolution. Thanks for reading. Reach out with questions or curiosities. xo

Big things coming in 2016

**Repost from the brandedyyc.com website! Check it out.**

 

WHY WAIT FOR JANUARY 1ST TO START OVER?

Posted: 10/27/2015

Published by: Katie Tetz

“ Create some clarity and direction before the whirlwind of December. ”

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RESOLUTIONS ARE SO LAST YEAR. START AN EVOL(YOU)TION.

Last year Marin McCue started a Personal Coaching business, www.dopeame.com, so that she could not only live her own core values, but also support and coach others to live by theirs. 

“These concepts and tools are not mine to keep,” explains McCue. “When I share, support, and coach others in this process, it grows my own strength, wisdom, and clarity as well. To keep it to myself would diminish it.”

Marin created a year long “12 Step Process” to support whoever wants to come along for the ride and start their own inner-Evolution.

Do all of your breakups resemble one another? Do you consistently hold back at work, for fear of stepping on toes? Is every Monday the day that you’re finally going to start taking care of yourself?

It sure would be nice to let go of those self sabotaging behaviours and make a lasting change. The trouble is, sometimes these behaviours are sneaky and we don’t always realize how much they’re running our lives.

If you’re a self-development-virgin, Marin offers up a great place to start: “Get curious about what is going on inside of you. Ask yourself questions, write out quotes and ideas that spark your interest, reflect on your day by putting pen to paper, and fill a fresh notebook with tools, ideas, metaphors, ‘aha’ moments, quotes, inspiration, and motivation, so that you can engage with the world in a new way.”

Marin explains, “To learn and integrate new habits of thought and action, you must experience it for yourself. And not only experience it, you must take time to reflect and notice the changes and continued struggles. We are all different, we have unique programming in our brain’s that need to be uncovered, worked through, and let-go of.”

Leading up to the New Year, Marin created a November 30 Day Challenge along with a couple of workshops in December to support mindfulness and creativity through the busy Holiday season. 

Yep, December is coming whether you like it or not.

Why a 30 Day Challenge?

“It takes 21-50 days (depending on the person, the habit, lifestyle and wellness, and amount of time spent each day) of intentional daily practice to re-wire your brain and create a new habit,” says McCue. “November is a perfect time to shine some light on habits that you may have adopted that are not serving you, learn some tools and concepts to adopt new habits, and create some clarity and direction before the whirlwind of December. This 30 Day Challenge is not a big time commitment, but rather a commitment to injecting more focus and intention into your time.”

“This is also an opportunity for me to share what dope(a)me coaching is all about. Everyone learns differently and does best with various types of support. For some, this 30 Day Challenge is exactly what you need to spark your inner-motivator and create the change you want to see in your life. For others, this will be an introduction to my personal coaching techniques and perhaps you will want to engage in a 1 on 1 relationship with a unique and personalized program specifically for you. Either way, this challenge will open and expand your mind into new ways of perceiving the world around you, and the world inside of you.”

Reach out to Marin at marinmccue@gmail.com if you’re interested in registering and getting a head start on your inner evolution. You’ll be way ahead of the game come January 1.

30 Day Challenge - start your evolYOUtion

I absolutely love 30 day challenges!! When I worked at lululemon I organized several 30 day challenges each year for my team, to keep them engaged, encourage them to connect with each other and get out into the community, and bring some fun and growth into their routine. 

My beautiful and inspiring friend Kelly Kaprowski (totsnsquats.com) reached out to me a few weeks ago asking if I wanted to collaborate with her on creating a 30 day challenge for our clients. This got my wheels turning and reminded me of how much fun I had organizing these at lululemon. Unfortunately, Kelly's schedule picked up pace and she wasn't able to create this one with me, but we will be putting one together for January. And we may have a couple of other amazing collaborator's for that one, so stay tuned!

This coming Challenge is all about - what I have deemed - the four levels of personal growth. They are:  excavation, creation, elevation, and integration. In reality, they all happen simultaneously. For the sake of this challenge, we will work through each step week by week so that all participants get a solid feel for what this process looks like in action. 

Basically this challenge is an opportunity for me to reach more people and share my tools, resources, motivation, and inspiration for living the best and happiest life possible. Because it is by email and is not personalized for each individual, I can keep it at a low cost. 

I have an introduction email ready to be sent out to anyone who reaches out with interest for this challenge. There is no commitment until you send me your $20 registration fee, which then puts you on the official email list. 

So be brave, be bold, and send me an email requesting more information for this challenge. This is a great way to lighten your load before the busy holiday season. I hope to hear from you. xo

marinmccue@gmail.com

Fear: How consciousness and courage are your tools to enlightenment

I am currently reading two books at the same time; The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer, and Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. I ordered both books on Amazon, one was for a book club I am a member of on Facebook (shout out to my bookworms!) and the other book is one that has popped up into my awareness through several avenues and I took it as a sign that it was a book I would enjoy reading - because of the title, the colorful front cover, the author, and the rave reviews (pretty good signs all around). Both books are fascinating and compliment each other in surprising ways. 

One of my favorite things about the journey I am on is the dots I am connecting between authors, theories, ideas, and metaphors. These books bring in different perspectives, creative ways of wording similar subjects, and unique experiences and stories. As I read each book and highlight or underline what stands out, I am also making notes in the margins connecting ideas to past books I have read. It's a beautiful process and I feel more and more grounded and supported in my own self-discovery and development as I go. 

Reading these two books simultaneously is shining new light on both subjects and creating a deeper understanding of how I can learn and live these concepts, as well as coach my clients through their journey as well. 

Big Magic is all about embracing the brave and creative life, while embracing fear and harnessing courage to allow your special qualities or "jewels" to shine bright. Gilbert says,

"A creative life is an amplified life. It's a bigger life, a happier life, an expanded life, and a hell of a lot more interesting life. Living in this manner - continually and stubbornly bringing forth the jewels that are hidden within you - is a fine art, in and of itself."

She goes on to say,

"Creativity is a path for the brave, yes, but it is not a path for the fearless, and it's important to recognize the distinction."

Both Singer and Gilbert speak of Fear quite a bit in their books (and I am only half through both books). They both touch on the fact that evolution has created an overly sensitive and over-reactive limbic system that is seeking to protect us at all costs, but gets hot and bothered at the smallest signs of uncertainty, doubt, insecurities, or any other uncomfortable feeling. This system that has the one goal of protecting us from harm, is actually causing many of us to avoid fear-inducing situations, to play small in order to stay "comfortable", and to keep our presence quiet because expressing our unique-ness draws attention and can cause heart-ache. Gilbert speaks to this in one of the funnier examples I have ever heard,

"...your fear is like a Mall Cop who thinks he's a Navy SEAL: He hasn't slept in days, he's all hopped up on Red Bull, and he's liable to shoot at his own shadow in an absurd effort to keep everyone 'safe'."

Singer mirrors this notion is his words by speaking to the necessity of this system back in the day when danger was prevalent, and now that danger is not hiding around every corner (unless you are in a war-ridden area or living in the jungle),

"...the protective energies have adapted toward defending the individual psychologically, rather than physiologically...Ultimately, if you protect yourself perfectly, you will never grow."

That is the point to emphasize! When we seek to protect ourselves at all costs, when we avoid discomfort, when we allow our fears to dictate what we experience and how we show up in the world, we prevent our growth. And really, what is the point of life if you are stagnant, stuck, still, fixed, small, in-expansive, and scared of the uncertainty that is an unavoidable and beautiful part of life? 

Eventually you may get to a point where you are barely phased by fear. But in reality, fear grabs your attention like nothing else in this world. Cortisol surges into your system to activate the Fight-Flight-or Freeze system and there is no way to skate through that without noticing (at least not before years and years of intentional and mindful practice). Fear is good for you, it makes you feel alive, and it reminds you of your mortality. It makes a clear line between comfort zone and growth, and it challenges your will-power. 

Rather than avoid fear; embrace it, love it, breathe it in. Find beauty and excitement in knowing that Fear is simply a sign of uncertainty, and it's an opportunity to show up with courage and effort to shine bright and bring your unique passions and "jewels" into this world. Gilbert notes,

"I allow my fear to live and breathe and stretch out its legs comfortably. It seems to me that the less I fight my fear, the less it fights back."

This is the area that Singer really dives into; whatever you focus on, you will attach to and create more of in your life. He speak of consciousness, what it is and what it is not. So often we attach to the inner-chatter in our minds, thinking that is who we are. This inevitably brings confusion as we are indecisive and can easily argue for many sides of an issue or impending decision. So which voice do we actually listen to? Which voice is the true me and which voice is a distraction or fear? Singer says,

"Stop feeling that one thing [your inner-voice] says is you and the other thing it says is not you...You are the one who hears the voice...There is absolutely nothing that voice can say that is more you than anything else it says...True personal growth is about transcending the part of you that is not okay and needs protection. This is done by constantly remembering that you are the one inside that notices the voice talking."

Easier said than done, but this is the practice. Detach from that voice. Realize that you have an "inner Roommate" that has no filter and who likes to think of the worst case scenario. Singer suggests one way of keeping yourself steady and on track in your chosen direction is to set goals and intention when you are feeling calm and clear, and then get moving. Observe the inner-voice but let it float by just as you observe trees and cars while you walk and forget about them as they pass through your field of vision. The challenge is to stay in the moment, to stay present to the only real time in existence, which is NOW. 

Dan and Chip Heath in their book "Switch", among many amazing insightful tools they offer, they say, look for a strong beginning and a strong ending, and get moving. The middle is going to be full of ups and downs and it is important to allow yourself the space to learn and grow and roll with whatever each passing moments presents as opportunities. If you allow yourself to get swept up by the past, or too focused on the future, or too attached to the inner-chatter, you will miss the many amazing possibilities that are presented throughout your day. 

So this is what I have created to make sense of all of this and put it into practice (because experience is the best teacher).

A strong beginning --> 

Create a morning routine that clears your mind and focuses your attention on how you want to show up today. Set an intention, set actions, and create clarity in how you want to feel at the end of the day. That is your beacon of light. This is what you hold onto when that inner-chatter starts to question or go into self-protection mode. If your intention is Courage or Explore or Adventure or Connect or Collaborate, etc. it is clear that when you get an opportunity to play big and step into the arena of life, you will not hesitate and will jump into action. 

A strong ending --> 

Finish your day with some reflection questions; i.e. What am I proud of? What was a small-win today? Where did I show up brave? And what learning will I take into tomorrow to continue my growth? 

Throughout the day -->

Stay mindful, open, and receptive. Hold onto your intention and look for opportunities to push yourself and grow. Know that living outside your comfort zone is the best way to make shit happen and to blossom your unique talents and strengths. Trust the process and don't spend much time overthinking, second-guessing, "should-ing", "shaming", or projecting yourself into the past or future. Be here now. Live, breathe, focus, experience, and let your bright light shine. 

So embrace courage and curiosity, and don't settle for a life on the sidelines. This is your life, your unique journey, and the world needs what you have to offer. 

My "Rules" for Life

One of the exercises I get my clients to engage in as they are nearing the end of their personal coaching program is to integrate their notes, connect the dots from day 1 to the present, get clear on learnings and shifts in perception, notice what reminders, tools, and resources stand out as pivotal moments in gaining clarity and direction in their life, and compile this into a succinct, fun, and overarching list titled My "Rules" for Life. 

I have been working on my own list for the last few months and felt the urge to share what I have come up with. So here it is, My "Rules" for Life with a few powerful quotes sprinkled through:

1. Lead with Love; love for change, love for growth, love for learning, love for connection, love for passion and purpose, love for supporting others, and love for a life lived to its fullest

 "The more you are motivated by LOVE, the more fearless and free your action will be" Dalai Lama

2. Learn, laugh, and sweat daily

3. Courage is contagious. Lead by example.

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts" Winston Churchill

4. Think and Act in ways that fuel, encourage, uplift, empower and breathe more life into me. Where your mind goes, energy flows.

"The key to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire not things we fear" Brian Tracy

5. Surround myself with people who live wholeheartedly, play big, seek inspiration, and are living a life aligned with their passion and purpose.

"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with" Jim Rohn

6. Be a do-er. Learn from experience. Reflect, Learn, Grow.

"Life is best lived looking forward but best understood looking back" Soren Kierkegaard

7. Be the author, editor, and number one fan of my brave, resilient, passion-filled, growth focused, self-loving Story. 

"When we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write a brave new ending: Brene Brown

8. Balance in everything. Know when to put in Effort and when to embrace Surrender

"Two wings of the same bird"

9. Embrace a Growth Mindset and love the process. 

"It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters, in the end" Ernest Hemingway

10. Observe without judgment and desire without attachment

"You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing is to master you" Brian Tracy

"Detachments is not that you should own nothing, but that nothing should own you" Ali Ibn Abi Talib   

The average person has 16-50 bits of information being processed per second in their conscious mind; 5 of which are simply "move closer" or "move away". There are 11 million bits per second being processed in the entire mind. When we focus our minds and harness that vast potential and energy into the direction we choose, we create the change we want to see. We become the driver in our own life.

"Unless we are able to generate some kind of (focused) forward momentum, we will be carried along by the winds and currents of peer pressure, market forces or genetic inheritance, unable to influence our own fate" Robert Poynton (Everything's an Offer).

What are your "rules" to live by? Take some time to play with wording and create your own list. Post it online, put it up on your wall, and remind yourself often of these powerful affirmations of how you want to show up in the world, moment by moment, gaining strength and clarity as you align your life with your values. 

Elephant & Rider

 

"What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind" - Buddha

This quote has stood out to me for years. I love it. It is that constant reminder that my past does not determine my future; that if I want to see change it must start with my thoughts. This is what started me on my journey of self-exploration and eventually starting my personal coaching business. I became intoxicated by the idea that change starts with thoughts, but equally stumped by the process of actually changing my habitual thoughts. 

Research shows that approximately 40% of the activities you engage in each day are habits. It makes sense. It takes a lot of brain power to consciously work through something that is new or unfamiliar, and if that was the case for everything, all day everyday, we would be depleted and exhausted way quicker than necessary. 

As a personal coach and lover of the brain, I work a lot with understanding habits and retraining the brain to create new habits that serve who you are. We form new habits constantly, consciously and unconsciously. This started at a young age before we knew ourselves and who we wanted to be as an adult. So naturally, there are a lot of habits that are in your repertoire that actually don't serve you well. The first step, acknowledge those habits and confidently state that this is not the way you want to show up in the world anymore. 

Another fascinating statistic tells us that the average person will think anywhere from 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts in a day (depending on how deep of a thinker you are). And of these thoughts, 70-80% of them are negative, self-defeating, or self-deflating. Talk about a habit that could really use an upgrade. 

One thing I have found to be pivotal in the retraining of my brain is understanding my brain, how it works, why it does certain things, and what metaphors are helpful to obverse the workings of the brain without wasting much energy on judgment, shame, guilt, or any other unnecessary negative emotion that surges cortisol and consequently takes over all of the bodily functions. 

Which brings me to my favorite metaphor that has helped me get to know my brain and understand how to gently guide it in the direction that I choose. 

You may be familiar with that feeling of "loss of control". That feeling when you know how you want to act or what you want to say, but then you go ahead and do something completely different. Suddenly it feels like there is more than one Self inside you, directing you along your path. Well, that's because there is. 

Jonathan Haidt, in "The Happiness Hypothesis" introduces us to the Elephant and the Rider, two parts of equal importance inside that beautiful brain of yours. 

The Elephant is the "old part" of the brain. The part of the brain that we have in common with all other mammals. It is our automatic system, our habits, our reactions, our impulses, all driven by natural bodily functions guiding us towards rewards or things that promote survival and away from uncertainty or anything that has a potential threat to our survival. 

Your Elephant is your Limbic System, it is automatic, subconscious, programmed, emotional, over-reactive, and thrives on prestige and "feel good now".

Haidt says,

"The automatic system (aka Elephant) has its finger on the dopamine release button. The controlled system (aka the Rider), in contrast, is better seen as an advisor. It's a rider placed on the elephant's back to help the elephant make better choices"

The Rider is the Cortex, or the "new" part of the brain (evolved later in our history of becoming human beings). The Rider can be understood as our Reason or Rationality, our "second thought", concerned with long-term happiness, it's pragmatic, focused on growth and learning, the planner, and the tendency to over-analyze. The part of the brain that brings critical thought, awareness, and a higher sense of consciousness into our reality. The Rider allows us the ability to make choices aligned with who we truly want to be versus who we were raised, programmed, and accidentally habituated to be.

To make matters more difficult,  Loretta Breuning in "Meet Your Happy Chemicals" explains, 

"Your cortex [i.e. the Rider] sees the world as a chaos of raw detail until your limbic system [i.e. your Elephant] labels things as "good" or "bad" for you [by spurting happy or unhappy chemicals]...The limbic system can't process language. When you talk to yourself, it's all in your cortex. The limbic system never tells you in words why it is spurting a happy or unhappy chemical." (You project meaning and create stories after your Limbic System first reacts).

The limbic system (aka the Elephant) spurts chemicals based on programming and experience. If there is some uncertainty ahead, cortisol is spurted to grab our attention and signal to the body that this is a potential threat. Our cortex (Rider) receives this signal and then has to decide to listen and retreat or observe and proceed anyways. This becomes complicated when we have habits of thought and actions that are familiar but that are actually not in accordance to our core values or how we want to show up. It becomes a battle of sorts, chemicals spurting and the Rdier consistently taking in the signals and consciously choosing what path to take.

Loretta Breuning highlights this potential mixed signalling,

"Can eating a donut fix a career or romantic setback? From your limbic brain's perspective, it can....When donuts trigger happy chemicals (because fat and sugars are scarce in nature) a neural pathway is paved. You may not act on it because you also know the consequences and you've built other "do something" pathways. But it remains in your mammal brain's arsenal of survival strategies."

Understanding these two separate but harmonious parts of our brain will allow you to take a step back and observe your thoughts, reactions, emotions, and triggers with a new sense of appreciation. You cannot force the Elephant to do what the Rider wants to do. You have to coax it, gently guide it, work with it, work as a team. 

How?

Dan and Chip Heath in their easily digested book "Switch" digs deep into this metaphor and develops an application to harness your Elephant and create direction for your Rider. 

"The elephant and the rider each have their own intelligence, and when they work together well they enable the unique brilliance of human beings" - Haidt

First - DIRECT THE RIDER

Our Elephant is emotional and impulsive. When you have a clear vision for what you are working towards, a deep felt purpose in your daily pursuits, and an overall sense of Happiness, your Rider can be much more convincing and your Elephant becomes easier to tame. So focus on scripting critical moves for your Rider to follow, have a clear detination in mind, each day by setting an Intention and setting Actions to allow yourself to see and feel progress. Convince yourself that radical change is needed and commit to the process, and your Elephant will become motivated as well.

Second  - MOTIVATE THE ELEPHANT

The metaphor uses the imagery of an elephant for a reason; when it feels stuck, it really feels stuck. There is no dragging or pushing this 6 ton elephant in any direction. It needs to be motivated. Engage in activities each day that boost your dopamine. Bring some fun and pleasure into your daily routine. Incorporate positive self-talk into your morning to set the tone for the day and to spend some time coaxing that elephant. Acknowledge small-wins and take time to feel proud after moments of bravery or hurdles you overcome. The Elephant likes to feel good, so take time to breathe in your accomplishments and surround yourself with fun and positivity. 

Third - SHAPE THE PATH

Set yourself up for success by setting goals for the not so distant future. What are the stepping stones along this journey? What actions can you complete each day to see and feel progress? When there is a direction and stepping stones, your Elephant and Rider have tangible points that they are working towards. Tweak the environment when necessary, surround yourself with inspiring people, and tackle one habit at a time. 

And remember, repetition is key:

"Building new circuits in adulthood is like trying to slash a new trail through dense rain forest. Every step takes huge effort, and the new trail disappears into the undergrowth if you don't use it again soon. Such trail-blazing feels inefficient and downright unsafe when a nice superhighway is nearby. That is why people tend to stick with the pathway they have." - Loretta Breuning

Take some time to write out your key takeaways from this post. What stands out? What are you curious about? Commit to coming back to your notes or to this blog on a regular basis to remind yourself of these tools and this metaphor. Repetition begins by simply bringing something into your awareness each day. Start with small incremental steps. Do this daily and allow the practice to evolve through trial and error, practice, conversations, and reflecting and writing. Allow yourself to be curious, open, and receptive to the process and love the journey that you are embarking on. 

Start your day on the right note

*This blog post was written for my beautiful and inspiring friend Kelly who is the creator of Tots n Squats - a website and blog focused on supporting new mothers in living a healthy and active life. Check out www.totsnsquats.com 

I am a huge believer in the power of a morning routine. What I have learned along the way is the importance of variety and allowing yourself to evolve. Each day looks different. Each day has the unique aftermath of the day before, and the experience, the learnings, and the residual effects of the struggles and successes from the accumulation of our past as a whole. We are always changing, always in flux, and always moving through space and time. Where your choice comes into the mix is in how much you change, how far you grow, what direction your life takes, and what YOU learn along the way.

One of the best ways - I have experienced - to start my day off in a way that fosters the most growth, is to ask myself questions and put pen to paper. This could be in the form of a mind-map:

Set an intention for your day, write in on a fresh piece of paper, and put a circle around it. Allow that word or short-phrase to sink in. Take a few deep breaths and repeat it mindfully. How does that feel? What other words come to mind? Synonyms? What could this intention bring into your life today? How would that feel? What else is needed to ensure this intention stays top of mind? What other words come to mind? Branching off from the center word, your page fills with powerful, energetic, engaging, loving, bad-ass words. After a few minutes, choose three tangible Actions to complete that day. Actions that will keep your intention top of mind or Actions that embody that intention.

The productivity and clarity that comes from this simple practice is mind-blowing. But, then it becomes a habit, and although it continues to bring focus, clarity, and self-awareness into your life, it stops bringing the magic (i.e. rush of natural Happy Chemicals) that it once did. We get used to anything we continually expose ourselves to, for better or for worse. We are creatures of habit, we long for routine; it feels safe and comfortable. But it also makes us feel stagnant, bored, and craving variety and newness. It’s human nature, and can be the cause of so much confusion. Slight variation in our routine can provide huge spurts of happy chemicals, it can change our perspective, and it can open up new possibilities of growth and learning as it teaches us more about ourselves – our triggers, our baggage, our passions, our fears, our needs and desires.

Something I know about myself is I love to categorize ideas into groups of four. I find strength in the number. It symbolizes the four directions on a compass, the four pillars that hold monstrous architecture together, the four limbs, but most importantly, it brings simplicity into whatever I am trying to communicate and ensures it is easy to remember.

My morning routine has evolved. It continues to be a practice and I love noticing what works and what once worked that no longer serves who I am now. The consistent piece of this routine is allowing yourself to step back and observe without attaching meaning or judgment and really getting clear on how you want to feel.

To assist you in your journey to create the best life possible, inside and out, here is another outline to bring into your morning routine repertoire.

The Four In’s and On’s

Allow yourself 10 minutes without disruption. If there is disruption, accept it for what it is, and work with it the best that you can. You can’t control the outcome or how other people will respond, you can only control your effort, your input, and your focus.

#1: Check in

Take a few moments to connect with your breath. Slow, intentional, deeply felt breaths. Then, ask yourself, how do you feel in this moment? What do you notice? Where do you feel it?

# 2: Tune in

Observing how you feel without judging or attaching meaning to it, ask yourself, what do you need? What do you need to let go of? What do you need to embrace? How do you want to feel at the end of the day?

#3: Turn on

Package this feeling and this intention for your day into one word or a short phrase, i.e., “strength”, “resilience”, “love”, “breathe through struggle”, “breathe, reflect, grow”, “shine my light everywhere”, “I am enough”,….you get the idea.

Repeat this a few times in your mind. Let it sink in, let it land. Your focus is like air, water, and fuel, the more you repeat something and the more you surround yourself with it, the more it integrates into your reality.

Feel free to set reminders in your phone to revisit that intention/mantra throughout the day, or simply breath it in, breathe it out, and move on with your day.

#4: Move on

It takes only 10 mindful and intentional minutes a day for you to feel like you are making progress. Take a couple minutes to write three Actions for your day. These Actions could include exercise, fresh air, connecting with someone, creating something, food to eat or not eat, conversations to have, ‘things’ to hold onto, ‘things’ to let go of, etc.

Have a beautiful day xoxo

Get Comfortable with being Uncomfortable

One of the greatest gifts you could ever give yourself is the commitment to sit in discomfort, to lean in when you fall on your face, to push outside your comfort zone daily, and to relish in knowing that uncertainty is not something to fear but rather something to embrace with curiosity and excitement.

On average, we each assess whether to move forward or pull back from our object of attention 5X per second. "Should I lean in to this person or back away? Should I commit more to this moment or move on to the next? Should I push harder or start to slow down?" Uncertainty is so unsettling because this assessment becomes even murkier when there are more unknowns in the equation. We are hardwired to fear the unknown. It is a potential threat, it carries potential harm, it brings a lot of "what-ifs". 

Life is not easy, but that is what makes it so beautiful. Helen Keller said,

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." 

When we try to avoid, deny, or diminish our sadness, our vulnerability, our struggle, we are only doing ourselves a disservice. When we deny our truth we end up being defined by it. But when we embrace it, allow ourselves to feel it, swim in it, explore it, and reflect through our struggle, we end up owning our story rather than our story owning us. 

What unknown in your life today can you embrace with a little more excitement, love, and surrender? Where can you offer yourself a little more compassion, a little more space for breath, a little more time sitting in discomfort?

Limitless - one step further in the direction of growth and passion

On Saturday August 22, Kalea Mullett and I hosted our first collaborative workshop as part of our project we call "Seeds of Change". Joining our passions for health, yoga, growth, nature, nutrition, and community, Seeds of Change is our vehicle to create experiences for people to connect, move, learn, ask big questions, and set actions and goals to create the change they want to see in their life. 

'Limitless' was an opportunity for us to scratch the surface on some of the key concepts we live and love. We had a beautiful venue out in Springbank, a unique home with an open concept. The entire rooftop is a patio, with easy views in all directions, including the mountains that were clear and magical for us on Saturday night. 

As our attendees walked into the home they were greeted with smiles and hugs. A table of goodies on the main level of the house was prepared with healthy snacks, teas, and an envelope with each Guest's name on it to take upstairs.

Once on the rooftop, we began the workshop with 45 minutes of yoga. Pulling in wisdom from the cyclical nature of life and harnessing energy from metaphorical meaning derived from facing all four directions of a compass. Reminding our Guests that we are all in transition, we all move through phases, and change is not an upward trajectory but rather a cycle of ups and downs. 

We stayed on the rooftop for one more hour, catching the sunset and feeling the shift in the air. This second hour was dedicated to the four Pillars of Happiness and the four main Obstacles that get in our way. 

Through the four pillar of Happiness, I guided the group into seeing how a change of perspective can change your entire reality. Using the four pillars as a new lens to view our obstacles, the group took notes and little spurts of discussion and questions took center stage. At the conclusion of each Pillar, the group was prompted to set Goals and Actions as a tangible and action-oriented way to begin implementing these concepts into their life. The fourth pillar was about Positive Self-Talk and how we can all be our best inner-motivator. At this point, everyone had a few minutes to think about what they need to hear, what they need to tell themselves when the going gets tough, and what reminders are needed each day to continue pushing towards their best life. Everyone received a small blank canvas and had 30 minutes to write themselves a message using metallic markers and paint pens. Simplicity and embracing of imperfection are key to this exercise. 

The group then moved downstairs to the kitchen area where Kalea was set up to talk about the four Pillars of Health. She guided the group through a mindful "food-story" exercise to acknowledge how far we have come and where we each see room for growth towards optimal health. Using her vast knowledge about nature therapy, essential nutrients, and food creation, it's safe to say that everyone walked away learning something about nutrition and set clear actions to get the ball rolling this week. Each person then got to create their own unique herbal tea to name and take home.

The beautiful thing about this workshop is that it truly is only the beginning. Due to time restraints, we did not dive in deep to any one concept, but rather scratched the surface and left the group wanting more of what we have to offer.

The next Seeds of Change workshop will take place in October. We will dive in deeper, step further, and reach higher. This is a process that we want our community to come along with us. Each workshop and event will have a similar foundation but will leave room for growth so our community can come each time and continue to see progression and learn new things. 

A special thanks to our brave and bold first group. Kalea and I are honoured and excited to have you in our community and we look forward to the support and passion we will continue to elevate in each other. Much love xoxo

Alignment is key

Mahatma Gandhi said, "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." This alignment of thoughts, words, and actions is the true guide into the elevation of Self. 

"Say what you'll do, do what you say"

"You are your word"

"Think like a person of action, act like a person of thought"

"Actions speak louder than intentions"

All of these beautiful reminders ring true as they highlight the simple truth that contentment and fulfillment arrives as a result of alignment in your life. There is nothing more uncomfortable, shame-inducing, self-deprecating, than knowing how you want to act, what you want to say, how you want to feel, yet allowing yourself to behave, say, or do the opposite. 

Ask yourself what your core values are; what inspires you? What feeds your soul? What fulfills you and creates passion and purpose in your day? How do you want to be remembered, what legacy do you want to leave as you exit every interaction? Now ask yourself, where are you holding back in life? Where in life do your actions oppose your thoughts, or where do your thoughts differ from your actions? 

Each day is a new opportunity to set things in motion in any direction you choose. Don't define yourself by who you were yesterday. Don't hold onto past stories as if you are stuck or have no choice in what today becomes. Every day is a chance to restart, reconnect with your purpose, and re-choose how you want to show up in the world. Embrace the energy that you want to be surrounded by and set a few goals for your day to keep that energy top of mind and to get the ball rolling. Hold yourself accountable and reflect on your day to learn, grow, and reset your compass for the new day ahead. 

Live with intention every day, allowing yourself to fall while knowing that these stumbles carry your biggest opportunities to grow and learn more about yourself. Love the challenge. Love the process. Love yourself unconditionally. 

Self-sabotage

I know the feeling all too well. The ping of fear that triggers excuses, resistance, what-ifs, or second guessing, which ultimately can exhaust your system and cause quitting altogether. What once brought excitement and inspiration suddenly becomes a weight to be lifted off your back. Perhaps you also recognize the follow-up feeling of shame, regret, and disappointment in oneself, as you further the trend of quitting, letting fears dictate actions, or not honoring your own passions or balance. This vicious cycle adds another layer of exhaustion to an already uphill battle. 

Recognize fear for what it really is. Unless your life is physically in danger, embrace the fear. Change your perception of fear as "something to be avoided" into fear as "something to love because it carries your biggest learnings, growth, and possibilities". 

Nothing is black and white, nothings is simple, because we each are individuals with unique combinations of experience, beliefs, perceptions, and ideas. Take time to reflect, plan, play, set goals, be in action, and live your life with intention. xoxo

Happy Birthday to Me

I love celebrating. I celebrate big and small things on the daily. Life is too short to wait for things to happen or to let the days roll by without acknowledging the small-wins along the way.

I am a huge fan of setting Intentions, of reflecting on my past and allowing my thoughts and ideas to dictate my present and future. I not only manifest things into my life, but I am an active participant and instigator in all things that I truly care about. We learn as we struggle, we build strength by pushing past our limits, and we never fail if our goal is to grow and keep going!

On New Years eve, for the past 4 years, I have set a Word of the Year, rather than diving into the messiness and uninspiring format of new years resolutions. Goals and Intentions are most powerful when dictated by a core feeling, a desire for a certain kind of energy or loaded word that brings dozens of other words and images into your mind. So this year, for my 29th birthday, I have chosen a Word to push and carry me through my last year of being a 20-something. My word is....MOMENTUM!

It is true that the first step can be the hardest. I often say in spin class that the hardest part is just getting your ass in that studio and on that bike, all that's left is to keep moving and embrace the challenge. But there are no short-cuts in life and, to be honest, the act of persistence, momentum, consistency, and elevating your bench-mark is a battle all of its own.

Yes, getting started takes a lot of guts and courage. It requires letting go of fears, or embracing fears, and trusting that you have the strength and ability to show-up once you show-up! But as soon as you overcome that initial obstacle, the larger mountain appears within your view.

To me, Momentum reminds me to continue creating, putting myself out into the world, trying new things, sharing my story (my struggles and my successes), anchored to balance and purpose, telling myself what I need to hear moment by moment, and truly embracing the joy and beauty along the way. It is the small, incremental, and consistent steps in the direction I choose that will ultimately create huge growth. 

"It is good to have an End to journey towards, but it is the Journey that matters in the End" -Ernest Hemingway

Keep on shining bright beautiful people, and thanks for sharing your light and love with me. I am where I am, in body and mind, because of my support system. My people. My tribe. My community. My gamechangers. My loves. xoxox

Ask yourself Questions to find the Answers you are looking for

One of the biggest skills I have learned is how to talk to myself. We so often look to others for motivation. We get filled with inspiration after soul-wrenching conversations, heart-warming speeches, or when we witness someone else playing big and taking chances. When you learn how to access this motivation on a daily basis, through intentional self-talk and guided reflection, suddenly a new world of possibility opens up. We talk to ourselves constantly. We have a narration of our surroundings, we tell stories to make sense of what we see and hear, and we uplift or deflate ourselves by what we choose to say when we need to get into action.

Retrain your brain to be your best ally. Practice positive self-talk. Tell yourself what you need to hear when you need it most. Start your day with intention setting, calming your mind to gain clarity and direction, and remind yourself to lead with love, courage, strength, and resilience. It is not going to be easy. It is not supposed to be easy. The difference between truly successfully happy people and everyone else, is simply perseverance. It is the consistent daily practice without judgement or expectation (and forgiveness and self-love when you lose your way). Put the time and effort into finding your purpose, your happiness, your passion, the same way you put time and effort into your work, your relationships, your hobbies. Spend time on you.

Here is an example of a series of questions and reflection that you can use to get yourself started. When you are unclear or unsure on what your answer is, be excited - you have found a perfect place to start digging in and getting to know yourself a little bit better. 

• What do you want for your life? (what are your passions, core values, inspirations, etc.?)
• How do you want to feel at the end of each day? 
• What changes do you need to make to align your life with your values? (habits? fears? excuses? limiting beliefs? --- what changes are needed so that your thoughts, words, and actions are aligned?)
• All Fear and Excuses aside, what are your goals? What do you want to create, feel, experience, discover?
• What do you need to do to hold yourself accountable? (what skills do you need to strengthen? what kind of support do you need? what reminders are helpful?)
• What are three Actions that you will complete this week to get the ball rolling? Small, incremental, tangible steps that will get you a little bit closer to what you want for yourself.

Allow yourself to be open and vulnerable with where you are now, and choose to be excited and inspired to be in the process of moving from here to where you want to be. 

You got this. Tell yourself what you need to hear xoxo

Dear #gamechanger

*Letter sent to a client at the end of our time working together <3

Dear Game Changer,

The last four weeks have flown by and I am in awe of your resilience, passion, drive, and focus to achieve your goals and live your best life. 

My wish for you as you continue on your journey is to embrace your Growth Mindset in everything that you do. Love your struggle, love your ability to learn and grow, love witnessing your potential while fully embracing where you are now, and lead yourself with self-love while anchored to your purpose and passion. Continue with starting each day with Positive Self-Talk, as this is how you keep your Elephant in check. You are retraining your brain to be self-serving, to be an inner-motivator, to be focussed on positivity and self-love despite the ups and downs that you will naturally experience through life.

Surround yourself with people that uplift and support you, and let-go of the comments, gestures, or energy that is directed towards you in a negative way. When people give judgements and opinions from a place of jealousy or a lack of their own self-love, without asking questions to get a better understanding, this has little to do with you or what is actually going on. So let it go. You get to choose what you pay attention to, what you perceive, and how you react. Choose to rise above anything that could potentially drag you down. Remind yourself often that you are powerful, beautiful, unique, and full of endless potential.

Just be you. Be you because you are amazing, irreplaceable, and capable of creating things that no one else can. Lead by example, because you will leave a unique legacy in every interaction that you have. Support greatness in others, and allow yourself to be the #gamechanger that you are. Uphold this in your mindset, your attitudes, your beliefs, and remember that we all learn from experience, but only when we take the time to reflect and tell ourselves what we need to hear. 

Have an amazing summer and take time each day fill your mind with positive self-talk. Where your mind goes, energy flows, so fill your beautiful mind and body with the fuel it needs. 

Much love.

Xoxo Marin

What is Inner-Wellness?

***Here's the blog post I wrote for the yyc cycle blog this past week. Check it out, let me know what comes up for you**

YYC Wellness

What is Inner Wellness? What does it mean to you? What does it look like? What does it feel like? How do you keep consistent with the positive changes you start bringing into your life?

Each one of us is a unique combination of past experience, programming, beliefs, actions, ideas, goals, abilities, successes, struggles, and potential. The way you learn, the way you perceive the world around you, and the way you handle what life offers you, is completely different from anyone else in the world, and the unique qualities persist as you change, adapt, evolve, grow, discover, break down, and re-build. 

Inner-Wellness will look, feel, and mean something different based on everything else that makes up the matrix of being a unique-human, a unique-YOU. However, there are three universal RULES that I believe everyone could benefit from embracing

We naturally compare ourselves to others because it is an “easy” way to gauge our progress, our “worth”, our contribution, etc. Which brings me to my first universal RULE of inner-wellness…

Universal RULE #1

Let-go of Comparisons 

Your journey has brought you to where you are now. Your own growth, learning, and possible directions are completely unique to the situation and life that you have created. Look to others for inspiration, for support, for ideas, but then, let it go. Let go of thinking you need to be like someone else. Let go of thinking that if you were someone else things would be better, easier, more fun – because everyone has their own struggle to live with. Let go of obsessing over what others have. Focus on YOU. Focus on what you have learned, how strong you are, how excited you are for your present and your future. Focus on forging your own path, one that has not been explored because it is your own creation. Focus on bringing your unique qualities to the surface, because the world needs what YOU have to offer. 


So, easier said than done, right? The best things in life are simple, but not easy. Some days you will feel like nothing can stop you, you are unshakeable, rooted to your purpose, anchored to your passion; while other days may feel like no matter what you do nothing turns out right, and absolutely everything takes the energy out of you. Why? WHY????? 

Universal RULE #2

Embrace the ‘Valleys’ as much as the ‘Peaks’

A "Happy Person" (aka Inner-Wellness) is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes - a love for learning, a growth mindset, an ability to let-go of baggage, and a consistent understanding of the importance of pushing outside your "comfort zone." Although this sometimes requires letting go of momentary happiness/comfort, and embracing struggle, pain, and sadness, the result is a feeling of triumph, satisfaction, and a wealth of knowledge from pushing yourself outside of the familiar, the comfortable, the “easy”.


"The good life is best constructed as a matrix that includes happiness, occasional sadness, a sense of purpose, playfulness, and psychological flexibility, as well as autonomy, mastery, and belonging" - Psychology Today by Robert Biswas-Diener and Todd B. Kashdan.


So, what can you do to make those tough days few and far between? 

Universal RULE #3

Positive Self-Talk

It is said that 77% of what the average person things is negative, self-defeating, or counter-productive. 77%!!! Imagine how powerful and happy you could feel if that number was reversed, or even reduced by 20%. Where your mind goes, energy flows. If you are thinking about your struggles, your worries, your fears, or sitting in comparisons, regrets, or living for the future, that will be your reality. Your mind naturally is on the lookout for threats and danger, there is no need for you to waste your conscious thoughts on things that do not uplift and empower you. Why waste time focusing on what you don’t have? Why waste time beating yourself up for something that didn’t go well or feel as good as you had hoped it would? Why waste energy on dread, on defeat, on pessimism? Feel it, learn from it, and then let it go and focus on filling your mind with thoughts that empower and uplift you. Focus on the advantages of where you are now. Focus on what you are grateful for. Focus on your passion, your purpose, your love for yourself and for those people you choose to surround yourself with. 


Obviously there are a number of other things you can do to create a life thriving with Inner-Wellness (like SWEAT EVERYDAY, create something, smile, SPIN, etc.), but the above three RULES are the root to having the energy, the motivation, the drive, and the support needed to be consistent and endlessly eager to continue your unique journey to your Inner-Wellness.


Have an amazing day and remember…..

“The sooner you step away from your comfort zone; the sooner you’ll realize that it really wasn’t all the comfortable” – Eddie Harris Jr. 


Much Love, 

Marin McCue 

Love the Struggle

I am reminded this morning about the uncomfortable feelings that come along with being a beginner in something. I witness myself feeling anxious, antsy, nervous, and a little sick to my stomach as I prepare to teach my first ever Yoga class. It is quite a dance back and forth between excitement, confidence, gratitude and fear of judgement, fear of not being the best, and overall nervousness as I venture into the somewhat unknown. 

I have taken quite a few leaps into the unknown this year already. I quit my full-time job to focus on building this business. I started yoga teacher training and committed to the hours of practice it entails. I continually organize events/workshops without knowing if anyone will show up or be interested. So it is fair to say that I am getting used to being comfortable with being uncomfortable.  

What I notice is that I still have the initial reactions of fear, stress, anxiety, but they don't mean as much as I used to allow them to mean. I see struggle as an opportunity to grow exponentially. I see fear as a landmark for something that will push me in ways that I need to be pushed. I perceive stress and anxiety as a slip in my thought patterns, and quickly revert myself back into Positive Self-Talk. I view unease and discomfort as temporary, as necessary experiences that will strengthen my resolve and resilience. 

My words of advice for anybody who reads this (or for myself when I reflect back on this in the future), Love The Struggle!!! Seek out experiences that challenge and push you, that shake things up from the usual routine. Allow yourself to sit in discomfort, learn from it, reflect on it, see the beauty within the obstacles. Life is too short and precious to simply go through the motions and avoid things that cause temporary unease. See the big picture. Pursue the life you want to create. And love every damn minute of it!

Dear Client "drench in Self-Love"

**This is a letter I wrote to a recent client after 4 weeks of working together**

Dear you,

The past four weeks have been a whirlwind. I’ll tell you what stands out to me,

1.      Your beautiful, colorful, and inspiring notebook. You brought so much fun and exploration into your homework and you made that notebook into a piece of art.

2.      Your self-awareness and commitment to letting go of your past. You amazed me with each response you gave to any of my questions. Your level of awareness and ability to really dig in to access what is going on inside you is quite impressive.

3.      Your desire to be happy, and your work ethic to make it happen. You trusted the process, you did the work, you pushed through struggles, and you made time to reflect on your progress.

If I could wish anything for you it would be that you continue on this journey that you have started. Continue to let go of comparisons, embrace the growth mindset, push yourself outside your comfort zone, enjoy each moment for what it is, pursue your goals, and drench yourself in self-love. Recommit to this every day.

The work continues each day, with each breath, with each ebb and flow of life. Everything up to now has been practice, the warm-up for what is happening right now, in this moment. And this moment is practice for whatever is offered or presented in the future. Stay strong, stay committed to the practice, remind yourself consistently of how far you have come, and don’t forget to drench in self-love.

We all are capable of achieving moments of happiness, but it is the consistent and resilient happiness that is achieved through habit, trial and error, continual pursuit with effort and surrender, and consistently letting go of set-backs, stories, the past and our “expected” future”. Be present. Be open. Committed to Self-love, and ever receptive to learning and growing.

So vow to love yourself. Vow to stop chasing who you think you “should” be. Vow to let go of trying to look or be like someone else. Comparison is useless, because each person is unique and intrinsically incomparable. You are YOU, nobody has ever been like you, and nobody ever will be. Existence only creates originals, so embrace your uniqueness and spend your life embracing that versus trying to copy a surface blueprint of someone else, which is not the whole story of who they are anyways. The only thing that exists is your true authentic self, and that person is unlike anyone else. Imperfection is perfection. True beauty is realizing that your surface is one small part of the whole package. There is nothing more attractive than a beautiful person whose surface beauty isn’t what actually attracts you.

Thank you for being YOU. It has been an honour and a privilege to support you for a part of your journey, and I look forward to the future of the friendship we have built.

Much Love,  Marin xoxoxo

"Breakfast of Champions"

**This is a copy of the blog post I wrote for Tots n' Squats last week. Check out Kelly Kaprowski's amazing website to find more inspiration, focussed on mama's and mama's-to-be.

Breakfast of Champions:

My journey to my-Self and the recipe to start yours

You know that feeling, when someone says something at just the right moment or in just the right way. Sometimes it is something you have heard before, but this time the timing was perfect, the delivery was more powerful, or you were simply ready to hear it. That feeling of being filled with motivation to take on the world, tackle the obstacles in life that have previously held you back, or make the necessary changes that you have stated you “want” but have lacked the ability or understanding to make it happen. It’s that feeling you get from a powerful speech, a quote, or metaphor about life that is worded in a way that touches your core. It can come from an inspiring conversation between you and a close friend, or a stranger, that leaves you feeling unstoppable, unshakeable, and connected with a higher power or purpose, beyond the mundane and worldly fixations that have generally kept you in your habitual way of being. It is in these moments that we witness our potential, and we tell ourselves:

“Remember this feeling.”

It is a glimpse at a version of ourselves that is not judging our every move, doubting our ability, or reducing ourselves into a contained or fearful space where life seems like it could offer so much more but the reality we live in is not what we had hoped it would be.

For years I struggled and battled with this experience. I constantly compared myself to others, seeing only the best in those around me, yet when I looked at myself I saw my short-comings, my “failures”, my sadness and lack of appreciation for the things I had worked hard to achieve. I had glimpsed my “potential” so many times, but it was always fleeting, and hard to recreate, as if it was the carrot at the end of the stick, always within sight but rarely within reach.

I would tell myself,

“If I could just get that scholarship…if I could just get flat and strong abs….if I could get that boy I like to like me back….then I will be happy.”

But as most of you already know, and what I soon realized, was that when you place your happiness in the hands of EXTERNAL motivation, expecting something material or on the surface-level, to bring you something that will last, or truly change you (like Happiness), you are setting yourself up for a vicious cycle – an endless search and desire for something or someone to fill that void within you.

This became real for me when I achieved a huge goal, after 10 years of passion, desire, and hard work, I signed a contract for a full-ride basketball scholarship to a Div 1 school in San Diego. I was in the best shape of my life, I was getting attention from newspapers, schools around North America, and from boys that I had fantasized about for years. I had everything that I had told myself would make me happy, and after two days of riding that high, I crashed back down to my habitual way of being that my mind and body knew too well; sad, unsatisfied with myself, not excited about life, empty, and full of guilt and frustration for feeling this way.

I experienced this cycle several times. I reached out for support. I tried therapy, I tried drugs, I tried masking it with partying and drinking excessively, I tried to fight through it, but that feeling always came back, and each time it did, I gave up on myself a little bit more.

Things got a lot worse before they got better, and I am truly grateful that I did not give up and that those people in my life at that time did not give up on me as well. The fact of the matter is, I am the one who has to live with myself. We are all great at pretending or hiding the darkness or sadness inside, but life can be so much more beautiful when you truly love yourself and feel like you are living the best version of YOU, for yourself and for the joy and inspiration it brings to those closest to you.

I realized that there is nothing outside of me that was going to solve my problems or reverse my depressive cycle of searching, longing, coveting, comparing, and desiring what I did not have. I had some deeply ingrained habits of thinking and being, and I needed to work hard to find a different path.

So I read, and I wrote, read and wrote, read and wrote, read and wrote. I devoured books like it was my job. I read self-help, nutrition, psychology, neuroscience, philosophy, and sociology books. They were books about Change, Habits, Beliefs, Positivity, Behaviour, Relationships, Life, Death, Health and Wellness. I questioned everything about my life up to that point, and rebuilt the way I thought, interacted, and perceived the world around me. The books I read, the reflection and questions that followed, the conversations I engaged in, and the epiphany’s I experienced, have all surmounted into a rebuilding of my attitude, perception, habits, and outlook on life.

One thing I know for sure, is that I still have a lot to learn, and I am eager and excited for this process to continue and evolve. I still occasionally feel lost, at times I question my ability, or compare myself in a way that makes me feel less-than. Some days are tougher than others, but that is LIFE. Change does not happen in one steady incline, it ebbs and flows, dips and dives, swirls and grows, all in a general direction but it is not obvious until you have put in a couple months of dedication and work into your “chosen cause”. The difference is, now I have the tools, the experience, the understanding, the resources, the strength and resilience, to coach myself out of these dark moments, and I no longer have that “pit” or void in my gut – longing for something more – that I had lived with for most of my life. I have tapped into my INTERNAL motivator, I do the work daily, I have found my purpose in life, and I have learned to love myself whole-heartedly, including the parts of me that still could use the most work.

Everyone will go through this journey in their own way. The re-programming of your mind will happen at a different pace and with your own challenges and triumphs. There are, however, key parts to this journey that everyone will benefit from once you integrate them into your daily life, regardless of where you are along your own path. Substantial and sustainable change happens with repetition and practice. It is a matter of doing it daily, little bits at a time, and not with one full-sweep.

“Where your mind goes, energy flows.” – Ernest Holmes

You can convince yourself of anything you put your mind to. So use this power for your own good, retrain your brain to be your best ally, not your worst enemy.

Eventually you will develop many tools to use, below are 4 things you can start with today. Commit to reminding yourself of these every morning until it becomes habit (which takes 45 days of conscious effort):

• Take 10-20 minutes every morning, before you get into your routine or out the door, to sit and engage in Positive Self-Talk Free Writing. The beauty of this is that it can look different every day. You could choose a positive self-talk mantra to repeat throughout your day, perhaps the opposite of the negative self-talk you may use on a regular basis. You can choose one word to focus on and just allow yourself to write what it means to you, how you will embody that energy, what it can look like, how you want to show up with that in mind, etc. You could search one positive word online, and then write what stands out to you, quotes, metaphors, ideas, feelings, etc. The list goes on, and the important thing is for you to be mindful of what works and what does not, change it up, play with it, and keep at it.

*77% of what the average person thinks and speaks is negative, counter-productive, or self-defeating. You can see why changing this shocking habit could change your reality.

• Surround yourself with positive and inspiring people. You may have heard the saying, “You are a combination of the Five people you spend the most time with.” This realization can be frightening when you look around and see who you are allowing to influence you. We cannot choose our family, and we cannot immediately control who we work with, but we can choose our friends, the authors we read, the blogs we follow, and the people we reach out to when the going gets tough or when it is time to celebrate. Seeking out support from a therapist, a nutritionist, a personal trainer, or a life coach is another way to bring people into your life that are eager to support you through letting go of baggage, learning new habits, and finding your own internal motivator.

• Sweat everyday! Whether it is 10 minutes of mindful movement (stretch while moving with breath) at home to get your blood pumping, a 50 minute spin class, lifting weights, running, yoga, swimming, a long walk, a workout video, etc.. There are more ways than ever to get your body moving and reconnect with your breath. When your body feels good, you are much more likely to stay on course with pursuing your goals and changing habits. Internal motivation needs fuel, and when you workout, your body pumps out dopamine and other chemicals that make you feel motivated. Do your body this service by providing it the fuel it needs.

• Set goals when you are feeling at your best! When your body is rested, full of healthy food, and flowing with dopamine, that is when setting goals is the most powerful and you are more likely to Play Big. Write them out, in present tense, set a by-when (a time frame that is realistic but pushes you to get into action), and revisit them occasionally. Your course may change, your desires and goals may shift as you learn more about yourself, but that is an important part of the process. It is more important to focus on the learning, the growth, and the journey, versus just the final destination.

Don’t just take my word for it. Do it, play with it, ask yourself questions along the way to be in a constant state of reflection and creation. An important thing to keep in mind is that you can get used to anything. Repetition, practice, and reflection are what it takes to make change happen, for better or for worse. Just because you have thoughts, beliefs, and habits that are deeply ingrained in you, that does not make them the “right” way or the only way. Your mind and body will stick to whatever you keep present in your life. It is time to dig deep, ask yourself what changes you want to make, and then get into action.

And a special thanks to Kelly for reaching out to allow me this opportunity to tell part of my story and offer some golden-nuggets of inspiration.

Strong women are changing the world, one passion project at a time.

Marin xo

Triggers

We all WANT to do certain things and be a certain way. We set goals, we tell ourselves that "blank" doesn't make us feel good, so we plan to avoid it; or "blank" feels great, so we plan to do that more often. We know exercising or mindful movement is good for us and does feel good, so we plan to add it in to our day, We know patience is a virtue, kindness is contagious, supporting/caring for others is great for everybody involved, and "going with the flow"  is a desirable quality.

And most of all, we strive to be CONSISTENT. 

Yet, despite our desire to act one way, something TRIGGERS us into a reactive state, and frustration and guilt soon follows. 

If you do not change the ingredients, you cannot expect different results

Biologically, we are PROGRAMMED to behave in ways to further our survival. Because our ancestors survived for generations with the biology they had, we too have this hardware that is now an outdated system for the New Age we live in.

CORTISOL is classified as a "Steroid Hormone" meaning it has the ability to drastically change the way you think (memory, mood), the way you behave, and your physical attributes (growth, shape, metabolism). Cortisol flowed consistently in our ancestors to be on the lookout for constant threats and danger, as well as the ability to prepare for action of any kind - at a moments notice. When cortisol surges, it grabs your attention, tells you to "do something", and when it does not subside, or when you focus your attention on the constant "buzz" of cortisol in your system, you develop IRRATIONAL PESSIMISM (which is the precursor to a world of unhappiness). This suited our ancestors well, allowed them to thrive and create the society we now live in. 

We have cortisol in our bodies at all times. As long as you are alive, you are in danger of meeting threats to your survival in every moment. Life is so beautiful because of the constant possibility that it could end at any moment. 

You receive a surge of cortisol when you step outside of your familiar lifestyle, your "comfort zone", simply because your "old brain" perceives the unknown, the unfamiliar, the risks, as POTENTIALLY dangerous. This starts to get confusing, as your body is telling to you steer clear of "danger", but your passion is telling you to take chances and live a little.  

Our "old-brain" (The Cerebellum, the Subconscious, our Reactions/Habits) strives to keep us in our "comfort zone", in the familiar, the habitual, because it learns by experience, is on the constant lookout for threats and is inclined to avoid any situations that remind us of past experiences that are remembered in a negative way. It is a natural defense mechanism.

These reactions, and deep rooted desires, can sometimes conflict. You know that feeling of wanting to try something new, intrigued and excited by the possibility, but also scared by the unknown factors that "should" be considered, unnerved by the possibility of failure (or death), and nagged by the past experience that didn't end "favorably". This, and any other two conflicting feelings, are different neural-pathways firing all at once, to help you choose a direction or make a decision of some kind.      

In order to develop our minds, explore possible ways of living, and find a life of passion and purpose, your mind needs novelty, adventure, uncertainty, and expansion in order to thrive, grow, and reach your full potential. And that is what the cortex ("new-brain") has evolved to provide. It allows us to practice "free-won't." It brings choice into every moment. Despite our bodies ability to naturally react and send signals/electrical-impulses to behave one way, our mind (cortex) evolved to have the ability to connect with inner-values, passions, and purpose, and second-guess our first inclination in order to pursue a life of our own intentional creation.

It is hard because you already have set, habitual, neural pathways that promote certain ways of thinking and acting. To build new pathways, new habits, new ways of perceiving the world, it is like bush-whacking through dense forest, slowly building a dirt path through repetition, all the while there is a "super-highway" nearby that is calling out to you as the path of least resistance - no wonder people fall back into old habits, it's definitely way easier that way (at least in the moment). 

The more we CHOOSE to act in accordance to our Values and Passions, leading ourselves in our own unique and vulnerable way, the quicker and stronger our new neural pathways become, and the better we are able to access our best-Self despite the circumstances at hand. 

Your programming is the cause of your triggers. You react the way you know how. So change part of the cycle you struggle with. Change a cue to remind you of a different result worth striving for. 

Learn/Develop new triggers for healthier habit's and new results:

1. leave your running shoes by your bed: reminder that you want to go for a run
2. fruit and vegetables kept on counters and junk food hidden in back of shelves: reminder to eat more healthy food
3. walk by a nice park often: reminder to stop and practice handstands for 1 minute
4. sticky notes on mirror with positive words/mantras that spark inspiration: reminder to stop and check your attitude
5. set reminder on your phone for a certain time each day with a piece of mindful inspiration: reminder of your purpose, what you anchor to, what you are working for 
6. an elastic band on your wrist can be used to remind you occasionally of whatever significance you choose. It could signify a question to ask yourself, did you drink water? did you think about what you are grateful for? or it could be a reminder to get into action, like, do 10 squats, stop and be mindful and present. You choose your adventure. 

Last piece of puzzle

***Identify the "slippery-slopes" in your life; the people, places, or activities that do not promote the influence you want on your radar. Choose to spend less time surrounded by anything that sucks the energy out of you. 

Create a new list, what I like to call "the dope-web".....

People

-These are the people that inspire you, that lead a full and empathetic life. This list could be 1 person long, but it will grow as you mind-fully connect with people and find similar energies

Places

-The places, areas of the city, certain pathways, mountains, trails, studios, community centers, gyms, etc. that either reconnects you with nature, with your Self, or has the environment that attracts people you share interests with.

Activities

-"flow" activities, your hobbies, your lose-yourself in the moment experiences, your favorite crafts, a great book on a certain subject that inspires or intrigues you, a passion, an activity that you partake in just for the love and joy it brings into your life. 

A "Happy Person" is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes - a love for learning, a growth mindset, ability to let-go of baggage, and a consistent understanding of the importance of pushing outside the "comfort zone."

"The good life is best constructed as a matrix that includes happiness, occasional sadness, a sense of purpose, playfulness, and psychological flexibility, as well as autonomy, mastery, and belonging" - Psychology Today by Robert Biswas-Diener and Todd B. Kashdan.

Being  "Truly" Happy requires the embracing of unhappiness. It's about realizing that nothing is ever perfect, and the biggest potential for growth comes from "failure" and hardship. So, chin up, this too shall pass, and you are going to be tougher, wiser, and more resilient because of it. xoxo