Elephant & Rider

 

"What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind" - Buddha

This quote has stood out to me for years. I love it. It is that constant reminder that my past does not determine my future; that if I want to see change it must start with my thoughts. This is what started me on my journey of self-exploration and eventually starting my personal coaching business. I became intoxicated by the idea that change starts with thoughts, but equally stumped by the process of actually changing my habitual thoughts. 

Research shows that approximately 40% of the activities you engage in each day are habits. It makes sense. It takes a lot of brain power to consciously work through something that is new or unfamiliar, and if that was the case for everything, all day everyday, we would be depleted and exhausted way quicker than necessary. 

As a personal coach and lover of the brain, I work a lot with understanding habits and retraining the brain to create new habits that serve who you are. We form new habits constantly, consciously and unconsciously. This started at a young age before we knew ourselves and who we wanted to be as an adult. So naturally, there are a lot of habits that are in your repertoire that actually don't serve you well. The first step, acknowledge those habits and confidently state that this is not the way you want to show up in the world anymore. 

Another fascinating statistic tells us that the average person will think anywhere from 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts in a day (depending on how deep of a thinker you are). And of these thoughts, 70-80% of them are negative, self-defeating, or self-deflating. Talk about a habit that could really use an upgrade. 

One thing I have found to be pivotal in the retraining of my brain is understanding my brain, how it works, why it does certain things, and what metaphors are helpful to obverse the workings of the brain without wasting much energy on judgment, shame, guilt, or any other unnecessary negative emotion that surges cortisol and consequently takes over all of the bodily functions. 

Which brings me to my favorite metaphor that has helped me get to know my brain and understand how to gently guide it in the direction that I choose. 

You may be familiar with that feeling of "loss of control". That feeling when you know how you want to act or what you want to say, but then you go ahead and do something completely different. Suddenly it feels like there is more than one Self inside you, directing you along your path. Well, that's because there is. 

Jonathan Haidt, in "The Happiness Hypothesis" introduces us to the Elephant and the Rider, two parts of equal importance inside that beautiful brain of yours. 

The Elephant is the "old part" of the brain. The part of the brain that we have in common with all other mammals. It is our automatic system, our habits, our reactions, our impulses, all driven by natural bodily functions guiding us towards rewards or things that promote survival and away from uncertainty or anything that has a potential threat to our survival. 

Your Elephant is your Limbic System, it is automatic, subconscious, programmed, emotional, over-reactive, and thrives on prestige and "feel good now".

Haidt says,

"The automatic system (aka Elephant) has its finger on the dopamine release button. The controlled system (aka the Rider), in contrast, is better seen as an advisor. It's a rider placed on the elephant's back to help the elephant make better choices"

The Rider is the Cortex, or the "new" part of the brain (evolved later in our history of becoming human beings). The Rider can be understood as our Reason or Rationality, our "second thought", concerned with long-term happiness, it's pragmatic, focused on growth and learning, the planner, and the tendency to over-analyze. The part of the brain that brings critical thought, awareness, and a higher sense of consciousness into our reality. The Rider allows us the ability to make choices aligned with who we truly want to be versus who we were raised, programmed, and accidentally habituated to be.

To make matters more difficult,  Loretta Breuning in "Meet Your Happy Chemicals" explains, 

"Your cortex [i.e. the Rider] sees the world as a chaos of raw detail until your limbic system [i.e. your Elephant] labels things as "good" or "bad" for you [by spurting happy or unhappy chemicals]...The limbic system can't process language. When you talk to yourself, it's all in your cortex. The limbic system never tells you in words why it is spurting a happy or unhappy chemical." (You project meaning and create stories after your Limbic System first reacts).

The limbic system (aka the Elephant) spurts chemicals based on programming and experience. If there is some uncertainty ahead, cortisol is spurted to grab our attention and signal to the body that this is a potential threat. Our cortex (Rider) receives this signal and then has to decide to listen and retreat or observe and proceed anyways. This becomes complicated when we have habits of thought and actions that are familiar but that are actually not in accordance to our core values or how we want to show up. It becomes a battle of sorts, chemicals spurting and the Rdier consistently taking in the signals and consciously choosing what path to take.

Loretta Breuning highlights this potential mixed signalling,

"Can eating a donut fix a career or romantic setback? From your limbic brain's perspective, it can....When donuts trigger happy chemicals (because fat and sugars are scarce in nature) a neural pathway is paved. You may not act on it because you also know the consequences and you've built other "do something" pathways. But it remains in your mammal brain's arsenal of survival strategies."

Understanding these two separate but harmonious parts of our brain will allow you to take a step back and observe your thoughts, reactions, emotions, and triggers with a new sense of appreciation. You cannot force the Elephant to do what the Rider wants to do. You have to coax it, gently guide it, work with it, work as a team. 

How?

Dan and Chip Heath in their easily digested book "Switch" digs deep into this metaphor and develops an application to harness your Elephant and create direction for your Rider. 

"The elephant and the rider each have their own intelligence, and when they work together well they enable the unique brilliance of human beings" - Haidt

First - DIRECT THE RIDER

Our Elephant is emotional and impulsive. When you have a clear vision for what you are working towards, a deep felt purpose in your daily pursuits, and an overall sense of Happiness, your Rider can be much more convincing and your Elephant becomes easier to tame. So focus on scripting critical moves for your Rider to follow, have a clear detination in mind, each day by setting an Intention and setting Actions to allow yourself to see and feel progress. Convince yourself that radical change is needed and commit to the process, and your Elephant will become motivated as well.

Second  - MOTIVATE THE ELEPHANT

The metaphor uses the imagery of an elephant for a reason; when it feels stuck, it really feels stuck. There is no dragging or pushing this 6 ton elephant in any direction. It needs to be motivated. Engage in activities each day that boost your dopamine. Bring some fun and pleasure into your daily routine. Incorporate positive self-talk into your morning to set the tone for the day and to spend some time coaxing that elephant. Acknowledge small-wins and take time to feel proud after moments of bravery or hurdles you overcome. The Elephant likes to feel good, so take time to breathe in your accomplishments and surround yourself with fun and positivity. 

Third - SHAPE THE PATH

Set yourself up for success by setting goals for the not so distant future. What are the stepping stones along this journey? What actions can you complete each day to see and feel progress? When there is a direction and stepping stones, your Elephant and Rider have tangible points that they are working towards. Tweak the environment when necessary, surround yourself with inspiring people, and tackle one habit at a time. 

And remember, repetition is key:

"Building new circuits in adulthood is like trying to slash a new trail through dense rain forest. Every step takes huge effort, and the new trail disappears into the undergrowth if you don't use it again soon. Such trail-blazing feels inefficient and downright unsafe when a nice superhighway is nearby. That is why people tend to stick with the pathway they have." - Loretta Breuning

Take some time to write out your key takeaways from this post. What stands out? What are you curious about? Commit to coming back to your notes or to this blog on a regular basis to remind yourself of these tools and this metaphor. Repetition begins by simply bringing something into your awareness each day. Start with small incremental steps. Do this daily and allow the practice to evolve through trial and error, practice, conversations, and reflecting and writing. Allow yourself to be curious, open, and receptive to the process and love the journey that you are embarking on. 

Start your day on the right note

*This blog post was written for my beautiful and inspiring friend Kelly who is the creator of Tots n Squats - a website and blog focused on supporting new mothers in living a healthy and active life. Check out www.totsnsquats.com 

I am a huge believer in the power of a morning routine. What I have learned along the way is the importance of variety and allowing yourself to evolve. Each day looks different. Each day has the unique aftermath of the day before, and the experience, the learnings, and the residual effects of the struggles and successes from the accumulation of our past as a whole. We are always changing, always in flux, and always moving through space and time. Where your choice comes into the mix is in how much you change, how far you grow, what direction your life takes, and what YOU learn along the way.

One of the best ways - I have experienced - to start my day off in a way that fosters the most growth, is to ask myself questions and put pen to paper. This could be in the form of a mind-map:

Set an intention for your day, write in on a fresh piece of paper, and put a circle around it. Allow that word or short-phrase to sink in. Take a few deep breaths and repeat it mindfully. How does that feel? What other words come to mind? Synonyms? What could this intention bring into your life today? How would that feel? What else is needed to ensure this intention stays top of mind? What other words come to mind? Branching off from the center word, your page fills with powerful, energetic, engaging, loving, bad-ass words. After a few minutes, choose three tangible Actions to complete that day. Actions that will keep your intention top of mind or Actions that embody that intention.

The productivity and clarity that comes from this simple practice is mind-blowing. But, then it becomes a habit, and although it continues to bring focus, clarity, and self-awareness into your life, it stops bringing the magic (i.e. rush of natural Happy Chemicals) that it once did. We get used to anything we continually expose ourselves to, for better or for worse. We are creatures of habit, we long for routine; it feels safe and comfortable. But it also makes us feel stagnant, bored, and craving variety and newness. It’s human nature, and can be the cause of so much confusion. Slight variation in our routine can provide huge spurts of happy chemicals, it can change our perspective, and it can open up new possibilities of growth and learning as it teaches us more about ourselves – our triggers, our baggage, our passions, our fears, our needs and desires.

Something I know about myself is I love to categorize ideas into groups of four. I find strength in the number. It symbolizes the four directions on a compass, the four pillars that hold monstrous architecture together, the four limbs, but most importantly, it brings simplicity into whatever I am trying to communicate and ensures it is easy to remember.

My morning routine has evolved. It continues to be a practice and I love noticing what works and what once worked that no longer serves who I am now. The consistent piece of this routine is allowing yourself to step back and observe without attaching meaning or judgment and really getting clear on how you want to feel.

To assist you in your journey to create the best life possible, inside and out, here is another outline to bring into your morning routine repertoire.

The Four In’s and On’s

Allow yourself 10 minutes without disruption. If there is disruption, accept it for what it is, and work with it the best that you can. You can’t control the outcome or how other people will respond, you can only control your effort, your input, and your focus.

#1: Check in

Take a few moments to connect with your breath. Slow, intentional, deeply felt breaths. Then, ask yourself, how do you feel in this moment? What do you notice? Where do you feel it?

# 2: Tune in

Observing how you feel without judging or attaching meaning to it, ask yourself, what do you need? What do you need to let go of? What do you need to embrace? How do you want to feel at the end of the day?

#3: Turn on

Package this feeling and this intention for your day into one word or a short phrase, i.e., “strength”, “resilience”, “love”, “breathe through struggle”, “breathe, reflect, grow”, “shine my light everywhere”, “I am enough”,….you get the idea.

Repeat this a few times in your mind. Let it sink in, let it land. Your focus is like air, water, and fuel, the more you repeat something and the more you surround yourself with it, the more it integrates into your reality.

Feel free to set reminders in your phone to revisit that intention/mantra throughout the day, or simply breath it in, breathe it out, and move on with your day.

#4: Move on

It takes only 10 mindful and intentional minutes a day for you to feel like you are making progress. Take a couple minutes to write three Actions for your day. These Actions could include exercise, fresh air, connecting with someone, creating something, food to eat or not eat, conversations to have, ‘things’ to hold onto, ‘things’ to let go of, etc.

Have a beautiful day xoxo

Get Comfortable with being Uncomfortable

One of the greatest gifts you could ever give yourself is the commitment to sit in discomfort, to lean in when you fall on your face, to push outside your comfort zone daily, and to relish in knowing that uncertainty is not something to fear but rather something to embrace with curiosity and excitement.

On average, we each assess whether to move forward or pull back from our object of attention 5X per second. "Should I lean in to this person or back away? Should I commit more to this moment or move on to the next? Should I push harder or start to slow down?" Uncertainty is so unsettling because this assessment becomes even murkier when there are more unknowns in the equation. We are hardwired to fear the unknown. It is a potential threat, it carries potential harm, it brings a lot of "what-ifs". 

Life is not easy, but that is what makes it so beautiful. Helen Keller said,

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." 

When we try to avoid, deny, or diminish our sadness, our vulnerability, our struggle, we are only doing ourselves a disservice. When we deny our truth we end up being defined by it. But when we embrace it, allow ourselves to feel it, swim in it, explore it, and reflect through our struggle, we end up owning our story rather than our story owning us. 

What unknown in your life today can you embrace with a little more excitement, love, and surrender? Where can you offer yourself a little more compassion, a little more space for breath, a little more time sitting in discomfort?

Limitless - one step further in the direction of growth and passion

On Saturday August 22, Kalea Mullett and I hosted our first collaborative workshop as part of our project we call "Seeds of Change". Joining our passions for health, yoga, growth, nature, nutrition, and community, Seeds of Change is our vehicle to create experiences for people to connect, move, learn, ask big questions, and set actions and goals to create the change they want to see in their life. 

'Limitless' was an opportunity for us to scratch the surface on some of the key concepts we live and love. We had a beautiful venue out in Springbank, a unique home with an open concept. The entire rooftop is a patio, with easy views in all directions, including the mountains that were clear and magical for us on Saturday night. 

As our attendees walked into the home they were greeted with smiles and hugs. A table of goodies on the main level of the house was prepared with healthy snacks, teas, and an envelope with each Guest's name on it to take upstairs.

Once on the rooftop, we began the workshop with 45 minutes of yoga. Pulling in wisdom from the cyclical nature of life and harnessing energy from metaphorical meaning derived from facing all four directions of a compass. Reminding our Guests that we are all in transition, we all move through phases, and change is not an upward trajectory but rather a cycle of ups and downs. 

We stayed on the rooftop for one more hour, catching the sunset and feeling the shift in the air. This second hour was dedicated to the four Pillars of Happiness and the four main Obstacles that get in our way. 

Through the four pillar of Happiness, I guided the group into seeing how a change of perspective can change your entire reality. Using the four pillars as a new lens to view our obstacles, the group took notes and little spurts of discussion and questions took center stage. At the conclusion of each Pillar, the group was prompted to set Goals and Actions as a tangible and action-oriented way to begin implementing these concepts into their life. The fourth pillar was about Positive Self-Talk and how we can all be our best inner-motivator. At this point, everyone had a few minutes to think about what they need to hear, what they need to tell themselves when the going gets tough, and what reminders are needed each day to continue pushing towards their best life. Everyone received a small blank canvas and had 30 minutes to write themselves a message using metallic markers and paint pens. Simplicity and embracing of imperfection are key to this exercise. 

The group then moved downstairs to the kitchen area where Kalea was set up to talk about the four Pillars of Health. She guided the group through a mindful "food-story" exercise to acknowledge how far we have come and where we each see room for growth towards optimal health. Using her vast knowledge about nature therapy, essential nutrients, and food creation, it's safe to say that everyone walked away learning something about nutrition and set clear actions to get the ball rolling this week. Each person then got to create their own unique herbal tea to name and take home.

The beautiful thing about this workshop is that it truly is only the beginning. Due to time restraints, we did not dive in deep to any one concept, but rather scratched the surface and left the group wanting more of what we have to offer.

The next Seeds of Change workshop will take place in October. We will dive in deeper, step further, and reach higher. This is a process that we want our community to come along with us. Each workshop and event will have a similar foundation but will leave room for growth so our community can come each time and continue to see progression and learn new things. 

A special thanks to our brave and bold first group. Kalea and I are honoured and excited to have you in our community and we look forward to the support and passion we will continue to elevate in each other. Much love xoxo

Alignment is key

Mahatma Gandhi said, "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." This alignment of thoughts, words, and actions is the true guide into the elevation of Self. 

"Say what you'll do, do what you say"

"You are your word"

"Think like a person of action, act like a person of thought"

"Actions speak louder than intentions"

All of these beautiful reminders ring true as they highlight the simple truth that contentment and fulfillment arrives as a result of alignment in your life. There is nothing more uncomfortable, shame-inducing, self-deprecating, than knowing how you want to act, what you want to say, how you want to feel, yet allowing yourself to behave, say, or do the opposite. 

Ask yourself what your core values are; what inspires you? What feeds your soul? What fulfills you and creates passion and purpose in your day? How do you want to be remembered, what legacy do you want to leave as you exit every interaction? Now ask yourself, where are you holding back in life? Where in life do your actions oppose your thoughts, or where do your thoughts differ from your actions? 

Each day is a new opportunity to set things in motion in any direction you choose. Don't define yourself by who you were yesterday. Don't hold onto past stories as if you are stuck or have no choice in what today becomes. Every day is a chance to restart, reconnect with your purpose, and re-choose how you want to show up in the world. Embrace the energy that you want to be surrounded by and set a few goals for your day to keep that energy top of mind and to get the ball rolling. Hold yourself accountable and reflect on your day to learn, grow, and reset your compass for the new day ahead. 

Live with intention every day, allowing yourself to fall while knowing that these stumbles carry your biggest opportunities to grow and learn more about yourself. Love the challenge. Love the process. Love yourself unconditionally. 

Self-sabotage

I know the feeling all too well. The ping of fear that triggers excuses, resistance, what-ifs, or second guessing, which ultimately can exhaust your system and cause quitting altogether. What once brought excitement and inspiration suddenly becomes a weight to be lifted off your back. Perhaps you also recognize the follow-up feeling of shame, regret, and disappointment in oneself, as you further the trend of quitting, letting fears dictate actions, or not honoring your own passions or balance. This vicious cycle adds another layer of exhaustion to an already uphill battle. 

Recognize fear for what it really is. Unless your life is physically in danger, embrace the fear. Change your perception of fear as "something to be avoided" into fear as "something to love because it carries your biggest learnings, growth, and possibilities". 

Nothing is black and white, nothings is simple, because we each are individuals with unique combinations of experience, beliefs, perceptions, and ideas. Take time to reflect, plan, play, set goals, be in action, and live your life with intention. xoxo

Happy Birthday to Me

I love celebrating. I celebrate big and small things on the daily. Life is too short to wait for things to happen or to let the days roll by without acknowledging the small-wins along the way.

I am a huge fan of setting Intentions, of reflecting on my past and allowing my thoughts and ideas to dictate my present and future. I not only manifest things into my life, but I am an active participant and instigator in all things that I truly care about. We learn as we struggle, we build strength by pushing past our limits, and we never fail if our goal is to grow and keep going!

On New Years eve, for the past 4 years, I have set a Word of the Year, rather than diving into the messiness and uninspiring format of new years resolutions. Goals and Intentions are most powerful when dictated by a core feeling, a desire for a certain kind of energy or loaded word that brings dozens of other words and images into your mind. So this year, for my 29th birthday, I have chosen a Word to push and carry me through my last year of being a 20-something. My word is....MOMENTUM!

It is true that the first step can be the hardest. I often say in spin class that the hardest part is just getting your ass in that studio and on that bike, all that's left is to keep moving and embrace the challenge. But there are no short-cuts in life and, to be honest, the act of persistence, momentum, consistency, and elevating your bench-mark is a battle all of its own.

Yes, getting started takes a lot of guts and courage. It requires letting go of fears, or embracing fears, and trusting that you have the strength and ability to show-up once you show-up! But as soon as you overcome that initial obstacle, the larger mountain appears within your view.

To me, Momentum reminds me to continue creating, putting myself out into the world, trying new things, sharing my story (my struggles and my successes), anchored to balance and purpose, telling myself what I need to hear moment by moment, and truly embracing the joy and beauty along the way. It is the small, incremental, and consistent steps in the direction I choose that will ultimately create huge growth. 

"It is good to have an End to journey towards, but it is the Journey that matters in the End" -Ernest Hemingway

Keep on shining bright beautiful people, and thanks for sharing your light and love with me. I am where I am, in body and mind, because of my support system. My people. My tribe. My community. My gamechangers. My loves. xoxox

Ask yourself Questions to find the Answers you are looking for

One of the biggest skills I have learned is how to talk to myself. We so often look to others for motivation. We get filled with inspiration after soul-wrenching conversations, heart-warming speeches, or when we witness someone else playing big and taking chances. When you learn how to access this motivation on a daily basis, through intentional self-talk and guided reflection, suddenly a new world of possibility opens up. We talk to ourselves constantly. We have a narration of our surroundings, we tell stories to make sense of what we see and hear, and we uplift or deflate ourselves by what we choose to say when we need to get into action.

Retrain your brain to be your best ally. Practice positive self-talk. Tell yourself what you need to hear when you need it most. Start your day with intention setting, calming your mind to gain clarity and direction, and remind yourself to lead with love, courage, strength, and resilience. It is not going to be easy. It is not supposed to be easy. The difference between truly successfully happy people and everyone else, is simply perseverance. It is the consistent daily practice without judgement or expectation (and forgiveness and self-love when you lose your way). Put the time and effort into finding your purpose, your happiness, your passion, the same way you put time and effort into your work, your relationships, your hobbies. Spend time on you.

Here is an example of a series of questions and reflection that you can use to get yourself started. When you are unclear or unsure on what your answer is, be excited - you have found a perfect place to start digging in and getting to know yourself a little bit better. 

• What do you want for your life? (what are your passions, core values, inspirations, etc.?)
• How do you want to feel at the end of each day? 
• What changes do you need to make to align your life with your values? (habits? fears? excuses? limiting beliefs? --- what changes are needed so that your thoughts, words, and actions are aligned?)
• All Fear and Excuses aside, what are your goals? What do you want to create, feel, experience, discover?
• What do you need to do to hold yourself accountable? (what skills do you need to strengthen? what kind of support do you need? what reminders are helpful?)
• What are three Actions that you will complete this week to get the ball rolling? Small, incremental, tangible steps that will get you a little bit closer to what you want for yourself.

Allow yourself to be open and vulnerable with where you are now, and choose to be excited and inspired to be in the process of moving from here to where you want to be. 

You got this. Tell yourself what you need to hear xoxo

Dear #gamechanger

*Letter sent to a client at the end of our time working together <3

Dear Game Changer,

The last four weeks have flown by and I am in awe of your resilience, passion, drive, and focus to achieve your goals and live your best life. 

My wish for you as you continue on your journey is to embrace your Growth Mindset in everything that you do. Love your struggle, love your ability to learn and grow, love witnessing your potential while fully embracing where you are now, and lead yourself with self-love while anchored to your purpose and passion. Continue with starting each day with Positive Self-Talk, as this is how you keep your Elephant in check. You are retraining your brain to be self-serving, to be an inner-motivator, to be focussed on positivity and self-love despite the ups and downs that you will naturally experience through life.

Surround yourself with people that uplift and support you, and let-go of the comments, gestures, or energy that is directed towards you in a negative way. When people give judgements and opinions from a place of jealousy or a lack of their own self-love, without asking questions to get a better understanding, this has little to do with you or what is actually going on. So let it go. You get to choose what you pay attention to, what you perceive, and how you react. Choose to rise above anything that could potentially drag you down. Remind yourself often that you are powerful, beautiful, unique, and full of endless potential.

Just be you. Be you because you are amazing, irreplaceable, and capable of creating things that no one else can. Lead by example, because you will leave a unique legacy in every interaction that you have. Support greatness in others, and allow yourself to be the #gamechanger that you are. Uphold this in your mindset, your attitudes, your beliefs, and remember that we all learn from experience, but only when we take the time to reflect and tell ourselves what we need to hear. 

Have an amazing summer and take time each day fill your mind with positive self-talk. Where your mind goes, energy flows, so fill your beautiful mind and body with the fuel it needs. 

Much love.

Xoxo Marin

What is Inner-Wellness?

***Here's the blog post I wrote for the yyc cycle blog this past week. Check it out, let me know what comes up for you**

YYC Wellness

What is Inner Wellness? What does it mean to you? What does it look like? What does it feel like? How do you keep consistent with the positive changes you start bringing into your life?

Each one of us is a unique combination of past experience, programming, beliefs, actions, ideas, goals, abilities, successes, struggles, and potential. The way you learn, the way you perceive the world around you, and the way you handle what life offers you, is completely different from anyone else in the world, and the unique qualities persist as you change, adapt, evolve, grow, discover, break down, and re-build. 

Inner-Wellness will look, feel, and mean something different based on everything else that makes up the matrix of being a unique-human, a unique-YOU. However, there are three universal RULES that I believe everyone could benefit from embracing

We naturally compare ourselves to others because it is an “easy” way to gauge our progress, our “worth”, our contribution, etc. Which brings me to my first universal RULE of inner-wellness…

Universal RULE #1

Let-go of Comparisons 

Your journey has brought you to where you are now. Your own growth, learning, and possible directions are completely unique to the situation and life that you have created. Look to others for inspiration, for support, for ideas, but then, let it go. Let go of thinking you need to be like someone else. Let go of thinking that if you were someone else things would be better, easier, more fun – because everyone has their own struggle to live with. Let go of obsessing over what others have. Focus on YOU. Focus on what you have learned, how strong you are, how excited you are for your present and your future. Focus on forging your own path, one that has not been explored because it is your own creation. Focus on bringing your unique qualities to the surface, because the world needs what YOU have to offer. 


So, easier said than done, right? The best things in life are simple, but not easy. Some days you will feel like nothing can stop you, you are unshakeable, rooted to your purpose, anchored to your passion; while other days may feel like no matter what you do nothing turns out right, and absolutely everything takes the energy out of you. Why? WHY????? 

Universal RULE #2

Embrace the ‘Valleys’ as much as the ‘Peaks’

A "Happy Person" (aka Inner-Wellness) is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes - a love for learning, a growth mindset, an ability to let-go of baggage, and a consistent understanding of the importance of pushing outside your "comfort zone." Although this sometimes requires letting go of momentary happiness/comfort, and embracing struggle, pain, and sadness, the result is a feeling of triumph, satisfaction, and a wealth of knowledge from pushing yourself outside of the familiar, the comfortable, the “easy”.


"The good life is best constructed as a matrix that includes happiness, occasional sadness, a sense of purpose, playfulness, and psychological flexibility, as well as autonomy, mastery, and belonging" - Psychology Today by Robert Biswas-Diener and Todd B. Kashdan.


So, what can you do to make those tough days few and far between? 

Universal RULE #3

Positive Self-Talk

It is said that 77% of what the average person things is negative, self-defeating, or counter-productive. 77%!!! Imagine how powerful and happy you could feel if that number was reversed, or even reduced by 20%. Where your mind goes, energy flows. If you are thinking about your struggles, your worries, your fears, or sitting in comparisons, regrets, or living for the future, that will be your reality. Your mind naturally is on the lookout for threats and danger, there is no need for you to waste your conscious thoughts on things that do not uplift and empower you. Why waste time focusing on what you don’t have? Why waste time beating yourself up for something that didn’t go well or feel as good as you had hoped it would? Why waste energy on dread, on defeat, on pessimism? Feel it, learn from it, and then let it go and focus on filling your mind with thoughts that empower and uplift you. Focus on the advantages of where you are now. Focus on what you are grateful for. Focus on your passion, your purpose, your love for yourself and for those people you choose to surround yourself with. 


Obviously there are a number of other things you can do to create a life thriving with Inner-Wellness (like SWEAT EVERYDAY, create something, smile, SPIN, etc.), but the above three RULES are the root to having the energy, the motivation, the drive, and the support needed to be consistent and endlessly eager to continue your unique journey to your Inner-Wellness.


Have an amazing day and remember…..

“The sooner you step away from your comfort zone; the sooner you’ll realize that it really wasn’t all the comfortable” – Eddie Harris Jr. 


Much Love, 

Marin McCue 

Love the Struggle

I am reminded this morning about the uncomfortable feelings that come along with being a beginner in something. I witness myself feeling anxious, antsy, nervous, and a little sick to my stomach as I prepare to teach my first ever Yoga class. It is quite a dance back and forth between excitement, confidence, gratitude and fear of judgement, fear of not being the best, and overall nervousness as I venture into the somewhat unknown. 

I have taken quite a few leaps into the unknown this year already. I quit my full-time job to focus on building this business. I started yoga teacher training and committed to the hours of practice it entails. I continually organize events/workshops without knowing if anyone will show up or be interested. So it is fair to say that I am getting used to being comfortable with being uncomfortable.  

What I notice is that I still have the initial reactions of fear, stress, anxiety, but they don't mean as much as I used to allow them to mean. I see struggle as an opportunity to grow exponentially. I see fear as a landmark for something that will push me in ways that I need to be pushed. I perceive stress and anxiety as a slip in my thought patterns, and quickly revert myself back into Positive Self-Talk. I view unease and discomfort as temporary, as necessary experiences that will strengthen my resolve and resilience. 

My words of advice for anybody who reads this (or for myself when I reflect back on this in the future), Love The Struggle!!! Seek out experiences that challenge and push you, that shake things up from the usual routine. Allow yourself to sit in discomfort, learn from it, reflect on it, see the beauty within the obstacles. Life is too short and precious to simply go through the motions and avoid things that cause temporary unease. See the big picture. Pursue the life you want to create. And love every damn minute of it!

Dear Client "drench in Self-Love"

**This is a letter I wrote to a recent client after 4 weeks of working together**

Dear you,

The past four weeks have been a whirlwind. I’ll tell you what stands out to me,

1.      Your beautiful, colorful, and inspiring notebook. You brought so much fun and exploration into your homework and you made that notebook into a piece of art.

2.      Your self-awareness and commitment to letting go of your past. You amazed me with each response you gave to any of my questions. Your level of awareness and ability to really dig in to access what is going on inside you is quite impressive.

3.      Your desire to be happy, and your work ethic to make it happen. You trusted the process, you did the work, you pushed through struggles, and you made time to reflect on your progress.

If I could wish anything for you it would be that you continue on this journey that you have started. Continue to let go of comparisons, embrace the growth mindset, push yourself outside your comfort zone, enjoy each moment for what it is, pursue your goals, and drench yourself in self-love. Recommit to this every day.

The work continues each day, with each breath, with each ebb and flow of life. Everything up to now has been practice, the warm-up for what is happening right now, in this moment. And this moment is practice for whatever is offered or presented in the future. Stay strong, stay committed to the practice, remind yourself consistently of how far you have come, and don’t forget to drench in self-love.

We all are capable of achieving moments of happiness, but it is the consistent and resilient happiness that is achieved through habit, trial and error, continual pursuit with effort and surrender, and consistently letting go of set-backs, stories, the past and our “expected” future”. Be present. Be open. Committed to Self-love, and ever receptive to learning and growing.

So vow to love yourself. Vow to stop chasing who you think you “should” be. Vow to let go of trying to look or be like someone else. Comparison is useless, because each person is unique and intrinsically incomparable. You are YOU, nobody has ever been like you, and nobody ever will be. Existence only creates originals, so embrace your uniqueness and spend your life embracing that versus trying to copy a surface blueprint of someone else, which is not the whole story of who they are anyways. The only thing that exists is your true authentic self, and that person is unlike anyone else. Imperfection is perfection. True beauty is realizing that your surface is one small part of the whole package. There is nothing more attractive than a beautiful person whose surface beauty isn’t what actually attracts you.

Thank you for being YOU. It has been an honour and a privilege to support you for a part of your journey, and I look forward to the future of the friendship we have built.

Much Love,  Marin xoxoxo

"Breakfast of Champions"

**This is a copy of the blog post I wrote for Tots n' Squats last week. Check out Kelly Kaprowski's amazing website to find more inspiration, focussed on mama's and mama's-to-be.

Breakfast of Champions:

My journey to my-Self and the recipe to start yours

You know that feeling, when someone says something at just the right moment or in just the right way. Sometimes it is something you have heard before, but this time the timing was perfect, the delivery was more powerful, or you were simply ready to hear it. That feeling of being filled with motivation to take on the world, tackle the obstacles in life that have previously held you back, or make the necessary changes that you have stated you “want” but have lacked the ability or understanding to make it happen. It’s that feeling you get from a powerful speech, a quote, or metaphor about life that is worded in a way that touches your core. It can come from an inspiring conversation between you and a close friend, or a stranger, that leaves you feeling unstoppable, unshakeable, and connected with a higher power or purpose, beyond the mundane and worldly fixations that have generally kept you in your habitual way of being. It is in these moments that we witness our potential, and we tell ourselves:

“Remember this feeling.”

It is a glimpse at a version of ourselves that is not judging our every move, doubting our ability, or reducing ourselves into a contained or fearful space where life seems like it could offer so much more but the reality we live in is not what we had hoped it would be.

For years I struggled and battled with this experience. I constantly compared myself to others, seeing only the best in those around me, yet when I looked at myself I saw my short-comings, my “failures”, my sadness and lack of appreciation for the things I had worked hard to achieve. I had glimpsed my “potential” so many times, but it was always fleeting, and hard to recreate, as if it was the carrot at the end of the stick, always within sight but rarely within reach.

I would tell myself,

“If I could just get that scholarship…if I could just get flat and strong abs….if I could get that boy I like to like me back….then I will be happy.”

But as most of you already know, and what I soon realized, was that when you place your happiness in the hands of EXTERNAL motivation, expecting something material or on the surface-level, to bring you something that will last, or truly change you (like Happiness), you are setting yourself up for a vicious cycle – an endless search and desire for something or someone to fill that void within you.

This became real for me when I achieved a huge goal, after 10 years of passion, desire, and hard work, I signed a contract for a full-ride basketball scholarship to a Div 1 school in San Diego. I was in the best shape of my life, I was getting attention from newspapers, schools around North America, and from boys that I had fantasized about for years. I had everything that I had told myself would make me happy, and after two days of riding that high, I crashed back down to my habitual way of being that my mind and body knew too well; sad, unsatisfied with myself, not excited about life, empty, and full of guilt and frustration for feeling this way.

I experienced this cycle several times. I reached out for support. I tried therapy, I tried drugs, I tried masking it with partying and drinking excessively, I tried to fight through it, but that feeling always came back, and each time it did, I gave up on myself a little bit more.

Things got a lot worse before they got better, and I am truly grateful that I did not give up and that those people in my life at that time did not give up on me as well. The fact of the matter is, I am the one who has to live with myself. We are all great at pretending or hiding the darkness or sadness inside, but life can be so much more beautiful when you truly love yourself and feel like you are living the best version of YOU, for yourself and for the joy and inspiration it brings to those closest to you.

I realized that there is nothing outside of me that was going to solve my problems or reverse my depressive cycle of searching, longing, coveting, comparing, and desiring what I did not have. I had some deeply ingrained habits of thinking and being, and I needed to work hard to find a different path.

So I read, and I wrote, read and wrote, read and wrote, read and wrote. I devoured books like it was my job. I read self-help, nutrition, psychology, neuroscience, philosophy, and sociology books. They were books about Change, Habits, Beliefs, Positivity, Behaviour, Relationships, Life, Death, Health and Wellness. I questioned everything about my life up to that point, and rebuilt the way I thought, interacted, and perceived the world around me. The books I read, the reflection and questions that followed, the conversations I engaged in, and the epiphany’s I experienced, have all surmounted into a rebuilding of my attitude, perception, habits, and outlook on life.

One thing I know for sure, is that I still have a lot to learn, and I am eager and excited for this process to continue and evolve. I still occasionally feel lost, at times I question my ability, or compare myself in a way that makes me feel less-than. Some days are tougher than others, but that is LIFE. Change does not happen in one steady incline, it ebbs and flows, dips and dives, swirls and grows, all in a general direction but it is not obvious until you have put in a couple months of dedication and work into your “chosen cause”. The difference is, now I have the tools, the experience, the understanding, the resources, the strength and resilience, to coach myself out of these dark moments, and I no longer have that “pit” or void in my gut – longing for something more – that I had lived with for most of my life. I have tapped into my INTERNAL motivator, I do the work daily, I have found my purpose in life, and I have learned to love myself whole-heartedly, including the parts of me that still could use the most work.

Everyone will go through this journey in their own way. The re-programming of your mind will happen at a different pace and with your own challenges and triumphs. There are, however, key parts to this journey that everyone will benefit from once you integrate them into your daily life, regardless of where you are along your own path. Substantial and sustainable change happens with repetition and practice. It is a matter of doing it daily, little bits at a time, and not with one full-sweep.

“Where your mind goes, energy flows.” – Ernest Holmes

You can convince yourself of anything you put your mind to. So use this power for your own good, retrain your brain to be your best ally, not your worst enemy.

Eventually you will develop many tools to use, below are 4 things you can start with today. Commit to reminding yourself of these every morning until it becomes habit (which takes 45 days of conscious effort):

• Take 10-20 minutes every morning, before you get into your routine or out the door, to sit and engage in Positive Self-Talk Free Writing. The beauty of this is that it can look different every day. You could choose a positive self-talk mantra to repeat throughout your day, perhaps the opposite of the negative self-talk you may use on a regular basis. You can choose one word to focus on and just allow yourself to write what it means to you, how you will embody that energy, what it can look like, how you want to show up with that in mind, etc. You could search one positive word online, and then write what stands out to you, quotes, metaphors, ideas, feelings, etc. The list goes on, and the important thing is for you to be mindful of what works and what does not, change it up, play with it, and keep at it.

*77% of what the average person thinks and speaks is negative, counter-productive, or self-defeating. You can see why changing this shocking habit could change your reality.

• Surround yourself with positive and inspiring people. You may have heard the saying, “You are a combination of the Five people you spend the most time with.” This realization can be frightening when you look around and see who you are allowing to influence you. We cannot choose our family, and we cannot immediately control who we work with, but we can choose our friends, the authors we read, the blogs we follow, and the people we reach out to when the going gets tough or when it is time to celebrate. Seeking out support from a therapist, a nutritionist, a personal trainer, or a life coach is another way to bring people into your life that are eager to support you through letting go of baggage, learning new habits, and finding your own internal motivator.

• Sweat everyday! Whether it is 10 minutes of mindful movement (stretch while moving with breath) at home to get your blood pumping, a 50 minute spin class, lifting weights, running, yoga, swimming, a long walk, a workout video, etc.. There are more ways than ever to get your body moving and reconnect with your breath. When your body feels good, you are much more likely to stay on course with pursuing your goals and changing habits. Internal motivation needs fuel, and when you workout, your body pumps out dopamine and other chemicals that make you feel motivated. Do your body this service by providing it the fuel it needs.

• Set goals when you are feeling at your best! When your body is rested, full of healthy food, and flowing with dopamine, that is when setting goals is the most powerful and you are more likely to Play Big. Write them out, in present tense, set a by-when (a time frame that is realistic but pushes you to get into action), and revisit them occasionally. Your course may change, your desires and goals may shift as you learn more about yourself, but that is an important part of the process. It is more important to focus on the learning, the growth, and the journey, versus just the final destination.

Don’t just take my word for it. Do it, play with it, ask yourself questions along the way to be in a constant state of reflection and creation. An important thing to keep in mind is that you can get used to anything. Repetition, practice, and reflection are what it takes to make change happen, for better or for worse. Just because you have thoughts, beliefs, and habits that are deeply ingrained in you, that does not make them the “right” way or the only way. Your mind and body will stick to whatever you keep present in your life. It is time to dig deep, ask yourself what changes you want to make, and then get into action.

And a special thanks to Kelly for reaching out to allow me this opportunity to tell part of my story and offer some golden-nuggets of inspiration.

Strong women are changing the world, one passion project at a time.

Marin xo

Triggers

We all WANT to do certain things and be a certain way. We set goals, we tell ourselves that "blank" doesn't make us feel good, so we plan to avoid it; or "blank" feels great, so we plan to do that more often. We know exercising or mindful movement is good for us and does feel good, so we plan to add it in to our day, We know patience is a virtue, kindness is contagious, supporting/caring for others is great for everybody involved, and "going with the flow"  is a desirable quality.

And most of all, we strive to be CONSISTENT. 

Yet, despite our desire to act one way, something TRIGGERS us into a reactive state, and frustration and guilt soon follows. 

If you do not change the ingredients, you cannot expect different results

Biologically, we are PROGRAMMED to behave in ways to further our survival. Because our ancestors survived for generations with the biology they had, we too have this hardware that is now an outdated system for the New Age we live in.

CORTISOL is classified as a "Steroid Hormone" meaning it has the ability to drastically change the way you think (memory, mood), the way you behave, and your physical attributes (growth, shape, metabolism). Cortisol flowed consistently in our ancestors to be on the lookout for constant threats and danger, as well as the ability to prepare for action of any kind - at a moments notice. When cortisol surges, it grabs your attention, tells you to "do something", and when it does not subside, or when you focus your attention on the constant "buzz" of cortisol in your system, you develop IRRATIONAL PESSIMISM (which is the precursor to a world of unhappiness). This suited our ancestors well, allowed them to thrive and create the society we now live in. 

We have cortisol in our bodies at all times. As long as you are alive, you are in danger of meeting threats to your survival in every moment. Life is so beautiful because of the constant possibility that it could end at any moment. 

You receive a surge of cortisol when you step outside of your familiar lifestyle, your "comfort zone", simply because your "old brain" perceives the unknown, the unfamiliar, the risks, as POTENTIALLY dangerous. This starts to get confusing, as your body is telling to you steer clear of "danger", but your passion is telling you to take chances and live a little.  

Our "old-brain" (The Cerebellum, the Subconscious, our Reactions/Habits) strives to keep us in our "comfort zone", in the familiar, the habitual, because it learns by experience, is on the constant lookout for threats and is inclined to avoid any situations that remind us of past experiences that are remembered in a negative way. It is a natural defense mechanism.

These reactions, and deep rooted desires, can sometimes conflict. You know that feeling of wanting to try something new, intrigued and excited by the possibility, but also scared by the unknown factors that "should" be considered, unnerved by the possibility of failure (or death), and nagged by the past experience that didn't end "favorably". This, and any other two conflicting feelings, are different neural-pathways firing all at once, to help you choose a direction or make a decision of some kind.      

In order to develop our minds, explore possible ways of living, and find a life of passion and purpose, your mind needs novelty, adventure, uncertainty, and expansion in order to thrive, grow, and reach your full potential. And that is what the cortex ("new-brain") has evolved to provide. It allows us to practice "free-won't." It brings choice into every moment. Despite our bodies ability to naturally react and send signals/electrical-impulses to behave one way, our mind (cortex) evolved to have the ability to connect with inner-values, passions, and purpose, and second-guess our first inclination in order to pursue a life of our own intentional creation.

It is hard because you already have set, habitual, neural pathways that promote certain ways of thinking and acting. To build new pathways, new habits, new ways of perceiving the world, it is like bush-whacking through dense forest, slowly building a dirt path through repetition, all the while there is a "super-highway" nearby that is calling out to you as the path of least resistance - no wonder people fall back into old habits, it's definitely way easier that way (at least in the moment). 

The more we CHOOSE to act in accordance to our Values and Passions, leading ourselves in our own unique and vulnerable way, the quicker and stronger our new neural pathways become, and the better we are able to access our best-Self despite the circumstances at hand. 

Your programming is the cause of your triggers. You react the way you know how. So change part of the cycle you struggle with. Change a cue to remind you of a different result worth striving for. 

Learn/Develop new triggers for healthier habit's and new results:

1. leave your running shoes by your bed: reminder that you want to go for a run
2. fruit and vegetables kept on counters and junk food hidden in back of shelves: reminder to eat more healthy food
3. walk by a nice park often: reminder to stop and practice handstands for 1 minute
4. sticky notes on mirror with positive words/mantras that spark inspiration: reminder to stop and check your attitude
5. set reminder on your phone for a certain time each day with a piece of mindful inspiration: reminder of your purpose, what you anchor to, what you are working for 
6. an elastic band on your wrist can be used to remind you occasionally of whatever significance you choose. It could signify a question to ask yourself, did you drink water? did you think about what you are grateful for? or it could be a reminder to get into action, like, do 10 squats, stop and be mindful and present. You choose your adventure. 

Last piece of puzzle

***Identify the "slippery-slopes" in your life; the people, places, or activities that do not promote the influence you want on your radar. Choose to spend less time surrounded by anything that sucks the energy out of you. 

Create a new list, what I like to call "the dope-web".....

People

-These are the people that inspire you, that lead a full and empathetic life. This list could be 1 person long, but it will grow as you mind-fully connect with people and find similar energies

Places

-The places, areas of the city, certain pathways, mountains, trails, studios, community centers, gyms, etc. that either reconnects you with nature, with your Self, or has the environment that attracts people you share interests with.

Activities

-"flow" activities, your hobbies, your lose-yourself in the moment experiences, your favorite crafts, a great book on a certain subject that inspires or intrigues you, a passion, an activity that you partake in just for the love and joy it brings into your life. 

A "Happy Person" is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes - a love for learning, a growth mindset, ability to let-go of baggage, and a consistent understanding of the importance of pushing outside the "comfort zone."

"The good life is best constructed as a matrix that includes happiness, occasional sadness, a sense of purpose, playfulness, and psychological flexibility, as well as autonomy, mastery, and belonging" - Psychology Today by Robert Biswas-Diener and Todd B. Kashdan.

Being  "Truly" Happy requires the embracing of unhappiness. It's about realizing that nothing is ever perfect, and the biggest potential for growth comes from "failure" and hardship. So, chin up, this too shall pass, and you are going to be tougher, wiser, and more resilient because of it. xoxo

Good days and bad days

There is no way that every day can be the best day ever. There will be days that the struggle is real! There will be days that despite your understanding of the world around you and the workings of your body, you will find yourself being negative, filled with self doubt, and discouraged by set-backs. 

Today was one of those days for me. I woke up and did not have the usual burst of excited energy to be alive that I usually do. I dragged my feet through the morning and found myself in a cycle of negative self-talk. I know how important self-talk is, I know what I need to tell myself in order to get out of a rut, and I know what my body needs to feel good and have the fuel to get me through my day in the most powerful and productive way possible. But today, that wasn't enough to snap me out of it or change the reality I was in. Some days just take way more energy than others. 

So I did what I could. I acknowledged these feelings for what they are, I thanked my body for being so in tune with my surroundings and so fluid with the ability to let me know what I need. I created a mind-map with the focus on 'Letting Go' and filled a page with key words, reminders, and actions to get myself back on track. 

I practiced yoga at home, connected with my breath and moved my body. I cooked healthy and delicious food to set me up for the rest of the day. I reached out to a couple friends that are always amazing at offering support and reminding me of the beauty in life. I listened to my favorite music and danced around my apartment. I then went and taught a spin class, bringing health and inspiration to others always brings me back to a place of calm and contentment. 

A glass of wine, some mindful stretching, a documentary, and a good night's sleep is next on the agenda for tonight. Doing what I can to sit with my emotions today, not let them spiral out of control, and know that tomorrow is a new day - full of new challenges and small-wins. 

It is important to allow yourself to feel what ever you are feeling. Let yourself be upset, let yourself be sad, let yourself mourn the loss of something that was/is important to you. Feel it, learn from it, grow stronger because of it, and then let it go. 

Life is too precious to waste time sitting in worry or sadness. Acknowledge the ups and downs of life and then move on. Reconnect with your Purpose. Reconnect with the Why behind the work you are doing. Recommit to learning and growing. Remind yourself that your best days will feel that much sweeter because you have the contrast and memories of your "worst" days. 

Everyone struggles occasionally. Everyone loses sight of their goals from time to time. Everyone experiences heart break, loss, rejection, and failure. It is in the moments after these set-backs that truly defines the person you are and the life that you lead. Be resilient. Be proud of your scars. Be strong in your resolve. Know that you learn more from falling short of what you expect or want versus achieving the results you desire on the first shot. 

Life is this moment. It is what you choose to think about in the present. It is who you show up as moment after moment, despite how many times you fall or are knocked down. 

Remind yourself how amazing you are. Remind yourself what you need to do to get yourself back on track. Remind yourself why being positive and letting go of the past is the best thing you can do for yourself. 

You are what you repeatedly do, and your thoughts create your reality. Repetition and intentional positive self-talk are the key to creating the life you desire. What are you waiting for? Tell yourself what you need to hear.

xoxo

FEAR: Face Everything And Rise

I love talking about fears. What holds you back? Why? Where does that come from? Where else does that show up in your life? What are you assuming? Where does that come from? These are big questions that start to get at the root of how much fear actually gets in the way of you living the life you want or are capable of. 

I lived in - and was driven by - fear for many years of my early adult life. I was terrified to make the "wrong" decision when it came to choosing a school program and pursuit of a career. I would think about the pros and cons of every decision and get stuck in the uncertainty, the "risk", and the time commitment. I felt like I was alone in my confusion and that everyone else was braver, wiser, and knew themselves better than I apparently knew myself. My fear of making the wrong decision spiraled into so many other areas of my life because I thought about it all the time. Where your mind goes, energy flows. 

I went through a lot of spiritual growth during my Philosophy degree and at one point realized that because I didn't believe in God, I also didn't believe in life after death, and suddenly became terrified of dying. I was physically ill for 24 hours and didn't leave my apartment for 3 days. I was not sure how I was going to keep on living after that, because I thought about death constantly. It is true what they say, what you think about - you become. 

Perhaps you have experienced this feeling of crippling fear as well. At the chemical level, Fear is a huge spurt of cortisol in the brain. Our bodies/brains/systems evolved through natural selection, and having cortisol flowing through played a huge role in keeping us alive. Cortisol spurts anytime there is something that threatens our safety, and it demands your attention more than any other chemical that we naturally create. In a world where food was scarce and danger was all around, cortisol kept the attention of our ancestors and prepared them for fight or flight on a regular basis. 

In the society we live in now, food is readily available and real danger is not a daily occurrence, but our bodies still have the same machinery that got us to where we are today. 

So, knowing that is one thing, but how do we change our relationship with fear so that we can acknowledge it, embrace it, yet not allow it to stop us in our tracks and confuse the shit out of us when we are trying to make decisions?? That is where the work is. And that is what we are going to tackle at the Fears Workshop on Wednesday May 20. 

I am a firm believer in everyone's ability to overcome absolutely anything that is not serving you well in your life. When you engage in the right questions that bring light to your habits, of action and thought, you can then come up with daily activities to talk yourself into a new habit that uplifts, empowers, energizes, and grows you towards a happier Self.  It is actually quite simple, but it is not easy. 

Email me at marinmccue@gmail.com to reserve your spot in this workshop. Fun workout on the Memorial stairs from 6-645pm, and then we sit down and get into the real work. 

$10 only. Make your first leap of faith, trust the process, try something new!

Wherever you go, there you are...

I just got back from a trip to Copenhagen and France, from April 14 to April 30. I had the two best travel buddies, my mama and older brother Brayden. We saw so much, walked for hours everyday, ate amazing food, met and mingled with inspiring and worldly people, reconnected with friends living in Copenhagen, hung out at my mom's home in Saignon (South France), explored over a dozen different cities, laughed, cried, made bold requests of each other, learned a lot about ourselves, and drank a lot of espresso and wine. 

I am sure you have heard the saying, 

"Wherever you go, there you are."

I actually first heard that quote when watching The Brady Bunch Movie years and years ago. The father of the family says that to his kids as a life lesson of sorts, and I remember laughing and thinking "that doesn't make any sense!"

Now that quote rings true to me in many ways and I see the beauty and self-awareness that can arise when you embrace what it is saying. To travel is one of the best ways to really dig in and pay attention to your habits, your triggers, your attitude, your beliefs, and your goals in life. You can take away your routine, your home-base, your comforts, and your safety (to a degree), but you still show up as YOU - at the rawest, purest, most vulnerable form.

I spent a lot of time on this trip asking myself questions about my goals, my direction, what I am excited about, and who I am for others. I also spent a lot of time reflecting and digging in regarding my triggers and my reactions when interacting with my family. I am sure these traits would come up in different ways had I been travelling alone, but travelling with the same two people and doing pretty much everything together is taxing in a different way. I want to be supportive, patient, curious, and a ball full of energy ready for anything, but that is not how I show up consistently. I find myself becoming quiet, more annoyed than excited, and needing me-time daily to reconnect with my breath and let go of tension building in my body. It's such a bizarre thing to witness. I am fully aware of my desire to be one way, yet I often consciously react and behave a different way. Sound familiar??

Each morning I spent 10-30 minutes free-writing with positive self-talk as the backbone to any theme or idea I wanted to explore. I focused most mornings on how I wanted to show up that day, consciously deciding what I needed to do to ensure I had some space to explore on my own, while also setting the intention of what qualities I wanted to bring into my interactions with the people and the world around me. Because I have spent my whole life allowing these triggers to sway me,  especially in my interactions with family, I acknowledge that it will take conscious daily effort to understand and change these habits.

So, as it goes, some days were easier than others. My brother and I got into a couple little fights as my unnecessary annoyance reached a boiling point (as did his) and I reacted in ways that created anger and frustration. This effected me more than anyone else around me. While stewing in my own anger, my body felt toxic and heavy. I did my best in those moments to step back and witness the results of my choice to allow a discussion or comment effect me so deeply. It was not pleasant and it was hard to coach myself out of that place once I was there. 

It's ironic that the people I love the most, my family, are also the people that frustrate, challenge, and push me the most. When I can truly be a witness to my feelings and triggers when it comes to the interactions and relationships with my family, I know this will trickle to all other areas of my life, as I will have more awareness and control over my Self in absolutely anything that comes my way. As you know, we cannot always control what happens to us or around us, but we do have choice in how we react, what we learn, and what direction we go in.

I am back in Calgary now and feel so grateful for this experience and for what I learned and witnessed in myself while away. I am a firm believer in our ability to reprogram our minds and body to be happy, powerful, resilient, excited, relate-able, interconnected, and self-aware beings. Just as exercise and diet reshapes the body, daily mind-gym and self-development are key to reshaping habits, thought patterns, attitudes towards life and people, and beliefs about everything that is the foundation to living the best life possible. 

Here are some pics from the trip ;)

Kick-Start the Life You Want

I am often asked how I had the courage or knew it was the right time to step away from my FT career into the life of a new business owner without a consistent pay-cheque or 100% confidence that it would work out the way I want it to.

My answer: when you are clear on what your Values and Passions are in life, it takes more effort to live and work for someone's dream versus taking the chance on your own Dreams and Purpose in life.

Each day I am presented with a blank slate of opportunity and it is completely up to me to make the most of it. I am constantly looking for new ways to coach myself, new things to learn and try, and connections I can make with each person I come across in my day. I am open and ready to take chances that are presented to me, and I know what direction I need to go because I set intentions, goals, and actions daily to keep my mind focused and clear on what I am creating for my life and the life of those who have sought out my support. 

I have a goal of where I want to be one year from today, but because I actively embrace a Growth Mindset and spend time daily reflecting on the pursuit of Effort and Surrender in all my actions, I am not attached to one outcome or a certain result, and I am getting better and better at going with the flow and allowing the Universe to push and pull me in different directions. I see every moment as an opportunity to grow, connect, and let-go. I push for what I want and surround myself with like-minded people, but I allow the bumps and bruises to teach me important lessons and strengthen my resilience and resolve. 

There's no right or wrong way to pursue your own path and create the life you desire. It changes daily and you will change and grow daily as well. The important piece of this puzzle is to be consistent, try things out and reflect and ask for feedback, knowing that you always have something to learn from your own insight and the insight of others. Stay humble, ego-less, and thirsty for creating a life that is unique, purposeful, and fulfilling to you. 

Setting goals daily/weekly and then breaking them down into tangible actions with by-whens to hold you accountable, is a great way to stay focused and track your progress. Absolutely everything worth striving for in life will take hard work and dedication. But if you are striving for the best life you can possibly live in alignment with your Values and Passions, it won't feel the same as other work. It will feed you, light you up, connect you with other passionate people, and bring you onto a wavelength of living that is incomparable to the mundane daily grind of living a life out of balance. 

So get things in motion by figuring out 2 or 3 things you can do over the next 5 days that will get the ball-rolling. Who do you need to connect with? What changes do you need to make? What do you need to research? What support do you need? What reminders do you need to set for yourself to keep you motivated? Great things are coming, and it all starts with a deep and juicy Question.....What are you waiting for??

Self-Love

Love is a powerful emotion. It is the precursor to the highest-highs and the lowest-lows. Our connection to others is what feeds our souls, pushes us to be more and challenges us to grow or, at times, to remain stagnant.

Love for others is what we spend most of our time on. We take time to mend relationships, to pick up the phone, to send messages, to make dates, to support and build each other up. We show up places to offer a helping hand, we make sacrifices and compromises to please and keep the peace, we try new things and trust that the other person(s) has your best interests at heart as well.

In the book, How to Love Thich Nhat Hanh says,

"To love without knowing how to love wounds the person we love."

And to learn how to love, you must start with YOURSELF. To embrace, love unconditionally, forgive, challenge, grow, and understand yourself.  

We all could benefit from a little more self-love on a daily basis. If you were to spend as much time on loving yourself as you do on building and maintaining love for others, the love you are capable of feeling, giving, and receiving would expand exponentially. Hanh says,

"When we learn to love and understand ourselves and have true compassion for ourselves, then we can truly love and understand another person." 

So how can you practice and strengthen your self-love?

1) Research "Self-Love" for 20 minutes and take notes on what comes up for you. Fill a few pages in a notebook you keep close to you, and reflect on the notes and ideas daily, adding when new ideas, quotes, or activities come into your attention. Reflect on these notes daily and watch as your mind begins to activate self-love reminders when you need it most.

2) Create a self-love mantra that you repeat every morning. Start your day with some self-love and set the intention to keep coming back to that mantra throughout your day.

3) Be kind and forgiving of yourself. What are you holding on to that does not serve you? What judgements, beliefs, ideas do you hold on to that fuel negative self-talk? Change your thoughts, forgive yourself, remind yourself what is unique and awesome about you.

4) Fuel your mind and body. What you eat, who you hang out with, what books you read, what websites you frequent, how often you sweat, how much sleep you get, etc. These all play into your perception of self. Check-in. What changes do you need to make to allow yourself to be set up for self-love success? You can't control a lot of what happens around you, but you can control your reactions, your thoughts, your judgements, your subsequent actions, and the story you tell yourself.

"When we feed and support our own happiness, we are nourishing our ability to love."

There are hundreds of blogs, articles, news reports, research, lists, and tricks available to develop tools, habits, and reminders for implementing more self-love into your daily activities. Take the time to build this as a strength, the same way you would put time in to develop any other attribute. How you spend your time, is how you spend your life. What are you waiting for?

Let Your Values Lead The Way

I am a big believer in SIMPLICITY. When reflecting and imagining where you want to be 10, 5, or 1 year from now, don't fall into the trap of thinking you need to re-invent the wheel. Keep it simple. Do what you love and love what you do. Get clear on what you VALUE, what you are PASSIONATE about, what makes you feel the most JOY and PURPOSE, and then set GOALS and get into ACTION.

Not sure what your Values are? Get clear by asking yourself big and fun questions. Tony Robbin's said, "Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers." Don't save the big juicy questions just for others, you can ask yourself great questions that will bring clarity, inspiration, and direction as well. 

Start with these....

What inspires you? Who inspires you?

What brings you tears of joy?

If you could do anything all day, from sunset to sundown, what would you do?

When do you experience "flow" (completely immersed and time flies by)?

How do you want to be remembered? What do you want your legacy to be?

What impact do you want to have on those around you?

What three words do you strive to live by?

Now what?? What do you do with the answers and the bit of clarity you just found? How do you create a life that involves striving for your goals and facing your fears while also maintaining mindfulness and satisfaction with where you are in the present moment?

It's not easy, but it's possible. Put effort in the same way you would when trying to learn and master any other skill. We can all be our best-selves, we can all make a difference and impact the future in a positive way. We can face our fears, overcome them, and approach challenges with excitement and tenacity. 

Message me if you want to learn more about how to keep yourself motivated and working towards your goals. xo