Learning from my shadows.....again

I received a heartfelt message from a soon-to-be friend on instagram a couple of days ago. This friend opened up about her struggle with weight, divorce, motivation, and the desire to develop a better self talk habit through daily journal writing yet a resistance to it in the form of lacking a deeper understanding of the purpose and the HOW.

Quite honestly, this message came to me at the perfect time, because I also needed the reminder. For me to stop and do a little bit of reflection and digging in to find the answer I could share and inspire for another, was the healing I needed at the time too. 

My response to her is threaded throughout the paragraphs below, however, I wanted to take some time to write it out in a way that speaks to me and speaks to anyone else who reads these words. 

The purpose of daily writing is to rewire your thought patterns. It’s not about writing the negative or the positive stuff - it’s about choosing thoughts that create space for you to be who and where you are now, which then provides you with the energy and motivation for action. It's hard to make progress or find contentment when consumed by what you don't like in yourself or what you lack. There are so many other things to think about, and there are many perspectives to try on that allows you to be honest with where you lack yet in a way that provides compassion and inspiration.

Definitely be honest about where you’re at and what you’re noticing, and then shift into how you are embracing it, what you’re learning from it, and what you’ll do to practice this shift in perspective. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves and practice our way into letting go, forgiving, accepting, and setting up action steps to move onward.

Most importantly, it’s okay to not feel okay. It’s okay to struggle and to feel as though you are retreating into yourself. It's okay to have habits and patterns that get in your way. We all do! The main difference in those who are still productive and perhaps even happy or content in their struggle, is their perspective. I try really hard to remind myself daily to embrace my imperfections, love my shadows, learn from my missteps, and just keep trying! It certainly feels better when you are engaging in life in a disciplined and internally directed way. And it feels better when you get the sleep you need and the nourishment you require.

We are human, we are imperfect, and we can be content with discontentment because it means you are alive and you have the opportunity to shift as soon as you’re ready or are forced to make a change due to life circumstances. Either way, you’ll do it eventually, and I’m right here with you. 

Every morning I wake up and look at my body in the mirror, and too often my mood is determined by the shape I see. How much did I eat yesterday? How much did I move yesterday? How did I treat myself yesterday? It becomes completely ego-centric when I allow my morning trajectory to be determined by my mind's judgment of my body's current state. There is so much more to me than the shell of my body. I have depth, and I am grateful for the opportunity this life and this body affords me. I want to step into each day with love and compassion in my heart as I embrace my shape and make healthy and mindful decisions moment to moment because that is how I navigate life with the fuel I need. 

I struggled with body image, severe depression and eating disorders for many many years. I wrote a book about my journey and my overcoming. And still, I am not immune to this very real human condition of self-doubt and depression. I struggle to stay motivated to engage with life. Sometimes I want to just sleep, and it feels difficult and consuming to engage with other people. I experience anxiety and worry that I’m not interesting. I judge myself harshly and become consumed mentally when I overeat. 

Yet, I know that being thin is not what makes me happier. It’s the pursuit of health and longevity that will invite in happiness. It’s the act of getting sweaty or taking time to meditate that brings about good feelings - at any size. I started this morning with a simple and short meditation - as I sat on a stool facing out the balcony window to take in the light and the buzz of the wind and the few cars on the road. I reminded myself - don't just do something, sit there. I noticed my mind wander to a few situations in the recent past that irked me, that disturbed me, and I can see now that there are a few things I am carrying around with me that are contributing to my low state. So often there is something real in life that has bothered me, and instead of dealing with it, I try to just let it go, yet the low vibration feeling stays with me and manifests in other ways. Our brain likes order and meaning, so it will attach to anything as a way to explain the low vibration feelings that are present. 

Focusing on needing to be thinner to be happy is just attaching to something tangible as a reason for your feelings of lack. To heal the hurt of your relationships that need mending or dissolving, and to reclaim your life with passion and purpose, you need to change the glasses that you perceive your life through. Retraining your self talk patterns is a great place to practice.

I call it being pragmatically optimistic. When I’m writing to rewire my thoughts, I start with what I notice I am feeling. I then ask myself questions about what else could be contributing, and what are some other perspectives to try on, and what’s something I can do today to learn, grow and let go. The process of asking and answering high quality questions is where the shift awaits! So, the questions I am sitting with today, and I invite you to do so as well....

• What is one thing I can do today to mend the hurt from a past conversation or relationship that seems to be nagging on my psyche?
• What is my self-loving and compassionate mantra to land on and repeat when I find myself engaging in a habit or pattern today that I am committed to shifting or removing from my life?
• What am I giving myself permission to feel today?

To close, I have a beautiful quote to share from Angi Fletcher. She is a model, mother, and vulnerable advocate for body image and self-love practices. I stumbled across this and felt immediately hugged by her words. Enjoy ;) 

"There are seasons for everything. Happiness doesn't come in a body shape; health and vitality does; having more energy does; being able to move easier does; not being as depressed does. But all these things comes from what you put in your body and what thoughts you choose to believe, not just in the shape or size of your body. When I was in my thinnest body measurement wise, I was also at my thinnest capacity for love, patience, strength, adventure and happiness. Your body is your body. It is changeable, moldable, flexible and more capable than you can imagine. But it is just a shell. You are in control of your mind and what you put into your body to either make it a machine or a prison" Angi Fletcher

Mindfulness Practice

We have everything we need to live full and happy lives. When you understand how your "machine" works, it is a whole lot easier to navigate. Your body is smart. It has to be in order to live this life, to function with the ongoing chaos inside and outside your own physical boundaries, and to continue growing from infancy until you unfold into death's grasp.

Your brain wants to heal you. It’s main job is to keep you alive. But one of the fucked up ways that it does that is to be on the lookout for danger at all times, and it is overly sensitive to little things that could potentially be dangerous. Like an unmet glance, an unmet expectation, and something as simple as déjà vu that reminds you of something that was uncomfortable in your past. We are triggered 50 to 300 times a day to feel as though we are unsafe, and in that state digestion stops, healing stops, and we lose access to higher levels of thinking. A little bit of stress is good for you but too much of anything is no longer a good thing. This is why mindfulness is so important. With mindfulness we become aware of how we are feeling and what we are thinking about. From this awareness we are able to calm down and redirect our mind towards what we want more of rather than focusing on what we do not have or where we lack.

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is mono tasking. It is fully investing in this present moment as it is, even when it is terribly uncomfortable. With practice we start to realize that we are not just our emotions or our thoughts or our body or our actions. We are all of those things and none of those things. If you can witness something then you are more than the thing you are witnessing. When we develop a stronger relationship with the witness we are no longer attached to the emotional pendulum swing of our day and rather find a calm and steady state where we are witnessing our emotions and able to efficiently calm ourselves down so we can be problem solver’s rather than sitting in the energy of the problem.

The goal is not to protect ourselves perfectly because then you will not grow and you will not build the resilience, through experiential learning, that you need. Let yourself be imperfect. Let yourself be messy. Embrace yourself as a work in progress and a masterpiece right now as you are. A non-dualistic approach to life and growth that allows you to love and accept who and where you are right now while still striving and working towards your goals and your ideal future. It is when we embrace the space between where we are now and where we desire to be that we get access to a reservoir of high-quality energy and tap into the magical flow of life.

Allow every day to be a new adventure and experience, and trust that you can navigate with a clear mind and open heart by taking time each morning to ground yourself, to notice where your mind is going and how you are feeling in your body, and then create action steps and reminders that will serve who and where you are now and where you desire to be. An intimate relationship and conversation and connection with yourself in order to honour the balance between remaining unattached to the moment and fully invested in what the moment has to offer. 

Mindful Nourishment

In a recent yoga teacher training, my teacher said “learning is less about bringing in new information, and more about remembering your own wisdom that has been lost or buried beneath the layers.” This has stuck with me. Of course, there is a process of bringing in new information, and I resonate deeply with the experience of hearing something “new” and it landing so calmly, like a coming home after a long journey, that it feels like a veil has been lifted and I got access to something I had forgotten.

My first experience with mindful eating felt that way. It did not seem forced or foreign or inappropriate or silly, it immediately opened my heart and mind and I felt love, joy and nourishment before taking one bite.

Photo by jacoblund/iStock / Getty Images

Another reminder I got from my yoga teacher recently was “when the student is ready, the teacher appears.” Again, this rings true in many experiences in my life. I can hear the same thing over and over but until I am ready to fully receive it and make the changes necessary to integrate it, it won’t fully land and I will not have access to it. Mindful eating has also shown up in my life in that way. While I know that it is something I want in my life, it is hard to remember it each day and it is easier to stick with my path of least resistance which directs me towards large portions of food, not wanting to share, and scarfing down my meal while mindlessly engaging in something else that distracts me from the sensations in my body as I ingest.

Perhaps this is an experience you can relate to as well? How many articles and/or conversations have you witnessed about Mindful Eating? Have you been able to access the mindful eating skill when it is time to sit for a meal or have a snack? If yes, congratulations! If no, that’s okay too. Sometimes the first time you hear something it simply becomes a seed planted and then it takes time and attention to nurture it into a living and breathing organism that slowly shifts your habits over time. So, this blog post may serve as the seed being planted for you, and for others, perhaps you have seen and heard a lot about mindful eating and this will be the catalyst for you to fully receive the message you need to shift your eating habits. And, for others, mindful eating is already a habit and this will serve as a gentle reminder and give another perspective into the already beautiful tapestry you have created in this field of study.

Photo by LoveTheWind/iStock / Getty Images

We can waste a lot of energy thinking about what to eat, what we should or should not eat, and what we did eat that we shouldn’t have. We spend time and money restricting ourselves, trying fad diets, and then splurge our money and energy by indulging and feeling shame or judgement that we lacked the discipline to do what we said we would do. Your ideal “diet” is a lifestyle and it is sustainable, balanced, and will adjust day to day based on your energy output and your mind and body’s need for that day. And that takes mindfulness as you are in tune with what you are feeling, what you need, and what you want. It is not just about calories in and calories out, but rather the quality of the fuel you ingest and the quality of your thoughts and presence as you prepare your food, as you use your senses to perceive your meal, as you eat, and once you feel nourished and complete.

Mindful Eating or Mindful Nourishing (or Soulful Eating as Eating Psychology expert Marc David refers to it) is an ideal way to approach food. It is about experiencing and being present with the food you eat. It is the realization that no food is inherently good or bad, but rather your mindset and quantity matters more than anything. It reminds us to slow down and pay attention to each bite, each chew, the smells, the texture, the taste, and the nourishment being delivered to every cell in your body. When we approach our food as medicine with a desire for nourishment and gratitude for its creation and presentation, you are more likely to stop when full and move on to something engaging and nourishing away from the table afterwards. Change the way you perceive your food and look for a sustainable lifestyle instead of a quick-fix.  

Try this on to practice:

At least one meal per day, engage in 5-3-1. (Ideally, this is the habit to create before ingesting any food in your day - but start with one meal a day and build this habit like a muscle being flexed)

5 – once your food is prepared, sit with it and take in the beautiful nourishment with your eyes. Before taking a bite, take five deep belly breaths to calm your system down and ensure you have blood flow in your digestive system in order to fully ingest and deliver the nutrients to where they need to go.

3 – look at your food (or close your eyes) and reflect on three things you are grateful for in this moment. Whether it is an expression of gratitude for the food or for your mind and body or for the environment you are in, this will ensure your mood is positive, which prepares your body to absorb as much nutrients as possible.

1 – lean in and take one big sniff of your food. When you get access to more of your senses in any given situation, this supports your ability to be present. And, your sense of smell is 10,000x stronger than your sense of taste. You will enjoy your food more and be more in tune with your body’s sensations by slowing down and getting your system ready for ingestion.

Happy Mindful Nourishing! Today is a great day to get started. xox