I haven’t written much publicly in a while. I have been enjoying more space and attention in journaling as I workshop my own processing and dive deeper into novel realms of exploration that require more containment before I share openly about what I am discovering.
A part of me really misses the habit I once had in being disciplined with my writing and how that led to writing and publishing my book three years ago. I would love to write another book in the next decade of my life, as reflecting and creating with words is one of the most magical and deeply satisfying things I enjoy in my life.
As someone who has spent much of my life living stuck in a nervous system survival state, I am thrilled to have an understanding of how amazing the autonomic nervous system is and how to befriend it and utilize the fucking magic that is a regulated nervous system. Knowing the geography, the mechanics, the chemistry, and the psychology of the breath and it’s intimate relationship with the nervous system is one of my most gratifying passions.
Before I continue, I feel compelled to acknowledge and speak to the fact that learning how to regulate one’s nervous system is a privilege for those who also have an environment to live in that is conducive to safety, welcoming and nurturance. While anyone and everyone would benefit from understanding their nervous system functioning more vividly, it saddens me to think of so many children - and adults that used to be children - exposed to a cruel world without a safe person to predictably co-regulate with. I feel an urgency in learning, practicing and sharing because of the potential impact such knowledge and skills are for human beings.
Your current nervous system is the product of the dna building blocks ascribed to you, in relationship with every experience you have had in your life, how you reacted to it, and how long it took you to get back into a regulated state. We are shaped by our experiences as our experiences are shaped by us.
How you react and to what, how you think, what you think about, how you move, how you sleep, how you cope, what and how you eat, how you move towards or pull away, how you connect with your self, with others, with the world around you, and with spirit, all emerge from the nervous system platform you are currently inhabiting. Your unique rhythm is programmed into your nervous system and is either flexibly moving and adapting and being listened to and nurtured, or it is fixed, ignored and suppressed through over-ride and misunderstanding, resulting in a dried out and rigid state, severing you from connection and restoration.
Your internal rhythm is either flexibly moving and adapting to the changes of each moment - which is either “appropriately” matched or misreading cues based on prediction errors - or it can get stuck in one state, inflexibly fighting or bracing against the changes of each passing moment.
The result? We disconnect from our surroundings, we shift into a protective stance of emotional reactivity, and we play out stories of our past rather than co-create as embodied beings intimately alive with presence in the now.
By exploring my own rhythm I was able to notice and show self-compassion towards a pattern of feeling a slow and steady escalation towards overload, a story of “this is too much,” and a subsequent shutdown of my senses, disconnection from others, a story of separation, and a narrowing of my focus to the mental realm where issues like shame, guilt, self-criticism and loneliness were all battling for attention. In my late teens and early twenties, I developed many coping strategies to avoid or distract myself from my overwhelm. I shopped, I drank, I exercised, I watched tv, I partied, and sometimes even socializing, reading or working on something healthy and productive were also utilized as ways to escape, or at least momentarily get a break from my incessantly dysregulated mental landscape.
Now that it has been almost 10 years since I started this journey of understanding, befriending and reshaping my nervous system, some insights have become clear:
The deeply programmed internal rhythm each one of us has, began shaping in utero as an embryo developing lungs. The early life experiences we had in regards to co-regulation and self-regulation are the foundation of current breathing patterns that arise unconsciously. We restrict our breathing to restrict our feeling.
Tending to one’s own rhythm is equally important as consciously attuning and harmonizing with the rhythms of others. Knowing how to self-regulate is essential, and knowing how to co-regulate is a biological imperative.
Thinking in terms of rhythm is a great way to notice where and what feels stuck. A healthy rhythm is a flexible rhythm, a dynamic dance of push and pull.
“I am listening.” In order to effect change, we need to listen. Healthy, sustainable change is found in the emergence of a healthy rhythm. Learn to slow down, turn towards what arises with self-compassion, feel and listen with patience and curiosity, and you’ll be initiated into a relationship with the wisdom that is your body.
Show kindness and friendliness to your nervous system when it steps in to protect. These are the best moments for self-discovery and integration. Something has been triggered and now you get to turn towards it with compassion and curiosity and potentially unburden it from the unconscious pattern of protection and invite it back into a healthy and flexible place.
There are certain breath patterns and reminders that support the body in its vitality and resilience. Listening to our current patterns illuminates where there is stuck-ness, and practicing specific breath techniques throughout your day can gift you support in reshaping your nervous system’s sensitivity and expand your window of tolerance.
So, where does one start? You can begin by setting an alarm or reminder to be heard and seen every 90 minutes with the prompt to stop what you’re doing and turn towards your breath. Gift yourself 30 seconds to 3 minutes to relax your belly, breath slowly and smoothly in and out through your nose, and tune into your innate ability to restore and re-appraise simply by guiding your breath into a balanced and soothing rhythm.
Want more?
On March 23, 6-9pm mst, join me for a virtual workshop on zoom to learn the language of polyvagal theory to equip yourself with a map of your nervous system, followed by experiential practice with breath, meditation, visualization and putting pen to paper to capture the language and visceral experience of your own nervous system in action. Learn how to listen, self-track, and what steps to follow to develop a daily practice for befriending your nervous system.
When we breathe together, we grow together.
xoxo