The last couple of weeks have been heavy. I resonate with the word 'heavy' because I feel as though I have been carrying more weight on my shoulders and in my mind. I am so worried and sad for someone close to me who is struggling with finding the energy and the desire to make the changes necessary to live a full, happy, and healthy life.
I feel as though my emotions have been swinging from one extreme to the other. I empathize and feel so strongly for this person that I become consumed and anchored in a place of darkness and sadness, and then I let that go and remind myself that I need to take care of me and focus on my passion, purpose, and desire to live my full, happy, and healthy life. Each day I feel like the swing of the pendulum is becoming less extreme and slowly finding the edges of my balance point. Of course I will still empathize and feel for this person, but I also need to remind myself that I cannot fix or do the work for him. I can only express love and lead by example.
Amidst the struggle, the grief, and the raw vulnerability, I have also learned more about myself and used this as an opportunity for some deep introspection and re-calibration in what I am doing with my life.
Here are some things that I have discovered, explored, and created through this process so far....
1 - A deeper connection to those I have leaned on over the past couple of weeks
2 - I have been studying and thinking a lot lately about Emotional Reactions. Feeling, expressing, and releasing emotions is vital for inner-wellness and emotional health, but getting caught up in the reaction and feeding the emotional ups and downs is a sure-fire way to find yourself in an emotional rut.
On Monday night I was hit with some anxiety as I was trying to sleep. I kept noticing my mind floating off in one random direction after another. Naturally, I began to feel a bit of anxiety creep in as I thought about wanting to sleep but my mind kept following one trail of thought onto the next (plus, Tuesday is my 6am spin class so I knew I had an alarm set for an early morning). I have become practiced at noticing these thought patterns and taking a "step back" to align myself with the witness behind the scenes; the higher Self behind thoughts and emotions; the ever-steady and simple Self that observes and notices.
I experienced a beautiful moment as I turned inward and pictured my emotional reactions as that pendulum swinging vigorously off into a direction that I didn't want to go. I knew I had a choice and I chose to observe, to witness, and to detach from the turmoil that was building in my mind. In that moment, I felt myself ground down in a seat of stillness and silence for approximately 10 seconds, at which point the chatter started back up but with the tone of awe, inspiration, excitement, and a new level of awareness that I had not experienced before.
3 - I have also spent the last couple of weeks saying YES to some big leaps and big goals. Not only am I hosting 4 workshops in the next 4 weeks, I have also started the process of opening my own yoga studio and collaborating on big and fun projects with powerful and inspiring people in my life.
4 - Finally, this morning was a new turning point for me. I met with my good friend, fellor motivator, and mentor Andrew Obrecht to catch up and talk about exciting plans for 2016. Andrew supports me in so many ways and often helps me see the first few steps I need to consider before I spend too much time on step 4, 5, or 6. I also read a beautiful article written by my friend, fellow yyc cycle motivator, and founder/CEO of Branded Magazine and It's Date Night. She is busy - and that is an understatement. Mandy recently went to New York to simply get away and reconnect with herself. She ended up re-finding her Passion, Purpose, and ultimately, her WHY behind what motivated her to create everything that she has created. (Here is the article)
So, I have taken some time this afternoon to revisit my Purpose, my Passion, and my WHY. It is amazing how inner inquiry can bring out so much energy and new, uncluttered breath into the equation. I have reset my foundation and discovered more about what I truly want to do and what mark I want to leave on this world.
Here it is, my latest unveiling of my WHY:
Call me a curator of curiosity, connection, courage, and conversation.
Call me a promoter of passion, purpose, and pleasure.
Call me a motivator through mindful movement, music, and motion.
I am a leader in my own life. I choose my path every day. I am committed to growth, playing big, and letting go of what does not serve me.
But first and foremost, I am here to spread love for life by leading by example.
So there it is. My new found clarity and reminder of how I want to show up every damn day. I can only control my effort, not the outcome. I am committed to being the absolutely best me possible, and I hope to inspire, support, elevate, and teach as many people as possible along the way.